Hellobee Boards

@periwinklebee: thank you for sharing your experience. I wish I could feel the inadulterated joy I felt the last time. But I can’t. I was really feeling scared this morning. Talked to the nurse when I went in to confirm the pregnancy at my clinic and she helped me a lot. I’m feeling better but know I’ll be really scared before my first appointment. I will seek to enjoy the joy when I feel it too.

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@periwinklebee: Thank you! We are both taking probiotics so hopefully they help replenish some good bacteria. It's been so tough having failed fertility treatments, but at least we have a possible reason why they haven't worked yet. I'm praying the antibiotics clear everything up and we'll be back to normal soon. This has really been affecting all areas of my life lately. I've lost weight and haven't slept past 3am in weeks. It's taking a toll and I'm ready for this to be behind us.

I came across a few articles that mentioned the link between unexplained infertility and infections. It seems to be more common than people realize and is often a quick fix. The bacteria in your body really needs to be in balance to conceive and that's been a struggle for me since my D&E.

I hope you're doing well!

@PeaceLily: Keeping all my fingers crossed that this will do the trick and that you're able to sleep better and feel better overall soon

@periwinklebee: Thank you! I'm praying this solves our problems.

@Shantuck: so many hugs

The “what next” question is really hard, and i think it definitely evolves over time. We were also trying for #3 during our last loss, and after my d&c dh was so not into trying again but i convinced him. And then we didn’t get another bfp for months and months and wondered should we just be thankful for what we have. Just recently i talked to him about quitting because now i was over the roller coaster - and he wanted to keep trying. I guess my point is, if you aren’t sure maybe leave the door open at least. It is such a hard decision when you know that loss is a real possibility, i have age as a factor too. Sending you peace as you figure it out

@karenbme: I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I can only imagine how discouraging it must be to have such a horrible experience the first time you TTC.

I think my husband will get back on board. We're a week out from the D&C and it's been a rough month or so with the kids we do have. Our 13 month old missed a week of daycare for some awful stomach bug two weeks ago and has been super clingy to me ever since, our 5 year old has a miserable cold and has been a bit of a tyrant, and I felt so awful for the last 5ish weeks, that I've barely been able to carry my weight around the house in addition to it being my busy time at work. I think if we can get everybody well and life returns to normal, we probably won't feel so overwhelmed with our current life situation.

For those that have had a D&C, I’m curious how long it took for your hcg levels to zero out and your period to return (I know that your period can return before the hcg levels zero out). Last time I did this, my period returned 30 days later and my hcg levels were at a 4 on day 1 of my period. This time I’m 30 days out and still getting positive hpt’s and my period is nowhere in sight. My doctor wanted me back this week to check hcg levels but it seems like a waste of time/money since I know they are still lingering so I’ve been delaying.

Also my ob told me to expect 5-6 weeks for a period, so maybe plan to go in after that if no af?

@Shantuck: Sorry for your loss

My period came back about 5 weeks post D&C (hcg was 45k before procedure). I didn't have betas done afterward.

And just like that, 33 days post-d&c, AF has returned.

@karenbme: I have no advice but I'm sorry We haven't started trying again and I already have anxiety just thinking about it. TTC and pregnancy are supposed to be exciting things and I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of it (for me at least).

I also have my own vent. My little sister is (accidentally) pregnant and I really am happy for her but I'm having a hard time with it. She had her first ultrasound this week and she's starting to plan a gender reveal and it's just making me really, really sad. I'm not jealous exactly but I keep thinking that I'm the one that should be experiencing those things. It makes me feel like a terrible person.

@karenbme: I think I might be the only other "active" person on this board these days. In addition to my recent loss, I had two losses before my daughter was born and it was really challenging to stay optimistic after that second loss. This probably makes me sound crazy but I watched the movie "The Secret" on Netflix after that second loss and decided I was going to try really hard to stay super positive.
The movie is a documentary type movie that talks about the law of attraction so if you think positive, you are attracting positive things to happen to you. It sounds a little kooky but I had nothing to lose by trying it. I listened to really upbeat music, planned a fun weekend away with my husband, bought a bunch of cute new clothes, and just tried to focus on taking care of myself. The movie talks about having something tangible to remind yourself of the thing you are trying to achieve so I bought a baby onesie that said "Worth the Wait" on the front in anticipation of getting that rainbow baby (which my daughter wore home from the hospital eventually). Anyway, I get that it is difficult staying positive but I highly recommend doing things to take care of yourself - plan a trip, plan a night out with friends, etc. To a certain degree, you have to be aware of what your body is doing but an RE told me that as long as you are trying every other day for the period leading up to ovulation, you are covering all of your bases.

As for me, I just got the call from my OB's office that my hcg levels have returned to zero (almost two months after my D&C!) but I'm pretty sure I ovulated last week so I won't be trying again until next month. I'll just enjoy my wine in the meantime!

@skinnycow: My sister got pregnant quickly after my first two losses and I know exactly what you are talking about with feeling completely mixed about it. It wasn't jealously because I would never begrudge her that happiness but it was hard to see someone get so easily something I wanted so dearly. I did end up conceiving a few months after and now our kids are only a few months apart.

@lilyofthewest: I never had a recurrent loss work-up. The tissue has been tested after each of my two D&C's (my first loss was a natural miscarriage) and all of my issues have been fluke chromosomal things. I have a diminished ovarian reserve and slightly elevated FSH, though, so my problems have been explainable without further testing. Do you have other children? Are you advanced maternal age or have you done any other testing?

@lilyofthewest: I hope you are able to find some answers. I'm AMA as well and my problems with TTC all happened when trying to conceive kid #2 at 35. One thing that has helped me with the age related egg quality issues (which might not be what you are dealing with so feel free to disregard my unsolicited advice) has been taking ubiquinol (the reduced form of CoQ10). It might be worth a try if you haven't tried it yet... I think @crazydoglady also tried it and had some success.

I read through much of the old thread in my insomia state last night and decided to stop lurking and post on this one this am. Will read through during nap time today. But roll calling for now.
Date of loss: CP (technically as only 5 weeks bjt had progressing darkening lines before bleeding and then a negative test) in january

How long are you waiting to TTC again: hoping to try this cycle. Waiting to o which should be in a day or two

Any kids: Dd is 23 mo

How are you feeling? Less gutted than i was a week ago but anxious and worried about it not being just a one time thing. Didnt have a porblem conceiving before but know from all these boards that secondary infertility is a real thing. This loss was on our second cycle trying and now it feels like its the start of an never ending nightmare. Ugh i sound depressed.

@FoolsintheRain: Sorry to hear about your loss. I totally get the feeling of never ending cycle. We conceived the first cycle, but between the three months I was pregnant and the two months it took to get through the miscarriage and get my period again, it took 5 months just to get back to square one. Everything I've read and heard from the doctor, though, is that the vast majority of losses are one time events, so I do take comfort in that. There are cases where it's recurrent, but they're rare.

How I'm feeling is a really complicated question. It's been hard, because on the one hand I want, badly, to be pregnant again, but I'm also really nervous and feel like if/when that happens I won't trust it because of the loss. I tried temping before, and could never remember to actually do it, so I haven't been temping. I did OPKs, and I think I ovulated early this month ~CD8 (11 is normal for me). I have been obsessively symptom spotting, too, partly because I don't know what to expect and partly because I really want to make it happen again quickly. My boobs have been achy and I've been cramping mildly pretty much the whole second half of my cycle, which wouldn't have been normal before, but who knows if it means anything because I've been so off. AF is due next week, so we'll see.

Date of loss: Treated with MTX for ectopic (8 weeks) Oct 5. 2nd MTX required on Oct 27.

How long are you waiting to TTC again: We waited the 3 months as advised by the OB.

Any kids: DD 2yo and Angel

How are you feeling? Petrified that I’m going to have another ectopic. Determined for my rainbow.

@LittleMissKeiko: So sorry. I'm also in my first month ttc, and the anxiety is real. I didn't have an ectopic, but I try to remind myself that repeat loss is rare, and I'm much more likely to have a healthy pregnancy than another loss.