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@periwinklebee: counting the early losses about 10 months for my second I think ... about half that for my first, once I got myself back to ovulating with Clomid.
So I’m reallllly hoping we’re not looking at another doubling! I don’t think I have 20 in me. I think the thing that worries me most is that I haven’t had any bfps at all since the loss. At least then I was getting a bfp every few months even if I lost it. Not that losses are fun but it made me think we should keep trying. And that’s the other fear, that even if I finally do see a bfp it’ll be another loss given my history. Fears we all have, I know.
At any rate, today I feel ok about where we are. I’m going to drop all my extra supplements and just go simple and try not to obsess, which I think is pretty doable over the next two months since we’ll be busy. -
@bhbee:
I think there is so, so much randomness that goes into TTC that it is really hard to interpret any specific pattern, especially if it's been less than a year, as more than bad luck. In the Impatient Women's Guide to Getting Pregnant, there are some numbers about average egg quality at different ages. Who knows if they are right, but let's say they are and about 25-30% of eggs of a typical women in her mid-thirties are good. Even with perfect timing and no other issues, the odds of drawing six bad eggs in a row are not that low (yeah, I'll confess, I simulated the distribution, I'm a nerd). The author doesn't understand statistics though in her discussion of it and harps on the odds of getting a bfp within two months. When timing isn't perfect and other stuff comes into play, that just increases the odds of taking longer. For us, we had perfect timing for six cycles and nothing, then after that I got a bfp every cycle I ovulated three cycles in a row, and nothing obvious had changed. Probably my eggs are not that great, but I think bfn versus loss was more just the luck of the draw. And statistically speaking, many bfns are losses that our bodies just deal with more quickly and effectively.
I feel like being overly scientific about this is maybe not that useful, I'm sorry, but just to say, I think it's really hard to know at this point whether that much has changed since your 2nd LO or it's just been unlucky; given how much randomness that enters TTC, it could easily just be bad luck that could turn very soon. I didn't really recognize this perspective when I was TTC, I was convinced something was wrong with me (and half way still am), even though rational statistician me knows that luck plays a huge role....
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@bhbee: sounds like a good conversation you had with your DH. That is wonderful. You never know what can happen - if you stopped trying you probably would know what happens. Sounds like your in a good mental place too - I’ll pray that helps you through another cycle.
@periwinklebee: great perspective - thanks for sharing so we can all see it. I haven’t felt like something is wrong with me even as my fifth cycle. But I was wondering just this weekend if I should be feeling that way (weird I know but no signs of bfp with near perfect timing each cycle starting in July made me think about it). I suppose it’s good I don’t feel that way. I feel like my bfp is coming soon - my strong faith and optimism really helps - but that does not make a day like today, where I’m just waiting for AF, easier.
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@periwinklebee: yeah I’m with you on the randomness. Like I was thinking about talking to my ob about it and she can quote me some stats maybe but no one can predict what happens next in these situations. I have been well reminded that probability is meaningless to the individual person given how many of us on here have defied the odds in a bad way.
But all that to agree that the next cycle could always be the one! Hoping for cd1 tomorrow so we can get this thing moving along
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@bhbee: I just posted on November poas about the next cycles s how I hope it could be the one for me. Silly optimism It will be my birthday and put a due date within a few weeks of my beloved mother - I lost her when I was 22 but we were so close that I still miss her almost every day of my life. I’d love to have a baby due around her birthday - particularly since our preferred girl name is her name and my MIL’s first name as baby girls middle name. I worry I’ll be crushed if u get too hopeful thinking about it since I’m waiting for AF to start today. And timing is terrible as my brother is getting married at the beginning of September and I don’t want to miss it. But those are the thoughts I have at the start of cd 1 assuming AF shows like expected.
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@bhbee: My DH says that TTC is like living in the olden days, you have absolutely no idea what's going on, and have to wait forever for anything to happen...like seriously, we put a man on the moon fifty + years ago but there's no way to know wtf is going on during the tww. Thinking of both you and @MrsJBeeG: and crossing my fingers that this next month is it!
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@periwinklebee: haha I love that comparison!
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We're in the middle of open enrollment and, after many insurance phone calls, opted to change carriers. Our current company said they won't cover treatment without 12 month period - 12 month TTC without birth, loss, etc. in the middle. So I would need a year from now to go back to the RE. And if, god forbid, I had another loss? I'd have to wait another 12 months from then. Such BS. She said my past IF history and everything make no difference.
Also, I find myself being anti group social. I have a group of about a dozen mom friends who almost all have a 2nd now or are pregnant with a 2nd. Individually, I'm fine being around them, pregnant belly, baby, whatever. But as a group? I don't want to hear about ultrasounds, pregnancy complaints, newborn woes. Is this normal? Does it eventually stop or get better? One friend (with 2) has offered to be a middle man and head people off, if it helps.
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@LindsayInNY: I’m glad you found a new plan, that’s such bs on the insurance!
And yes I think your feelings are normal. It’s really hard to escape the why me, for me at least, in that kind of group setting. I think it’s ok to step back as you need to ... I’d like to say time will fix it but I think you just get more numb to it, or you get pregnant again and feel it at least a little less.
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Hi ladies. I've been hesitant to post because there's been so much bad news recently, but wanted to say thank you to all of you for your support since my miscarriage. I got a BFP on Friday and have been holding my breath since then. I'm waiting on the doctor to call so I can schedule bloodwork, and until then I am hopeful. I know a BFP does not a baby make, but I am taking everything one day at a time. I will continue to cheer you all on as you go through this battle.
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@bhbee: I hate having to isolate myself but not sure the alternative?
@ChiCalGoBee: Eeek! I'm silently super excited for you!! You *have* to be hopeful. Today you ARE pregnant. That's all that matters. And I also remember someone saying to me, since we only plan on 2, that I didn't want to look back and regret basically ignoring the baby or pregnancy because I was worrying. I hope your doctor gets back to you soon!
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@ChiCalGoBee: yay!! I hope you get only amazing news from here on out!
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@ChiCalGoBee: Yay! Fingers crossed for more good news. I'm sure getting a BFP is a little scary post-MC.
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@LindsayInNY: @bhbee: @skinnycow: Thank you so much. Whenever I feel nervous I try to channel hopefulness. My son’s 3rd birthday is this weekend so fingers crossed a good beta will make the weekend even more special. Thinking of all of you and sending sunshine and love as you keep trucking.
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@ChiCalGoBee: omg!! This is awesome news. Congratulations. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I totally agree with @LindsayInNY: be hopeful! So glad you share because for me, at least, I feel such joy for others with bfp news and it gives me hope my turn is coming.
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@ChiCalGoBee: Congrats! I hope everything goes well this time.
I'm impressed your HCG dropped so quickly after the MC.. mine took what felt like forever!
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@MrsJBeeG: Thank you so much for your sweet comment. I am so hopeful your BFP is coming soon.
@mrskansas: Thank you! From what I've read and what my doctor said, the average time for ovulation after a miscarriage is 2-6 weeks. It took 24 days for the HCG to drop in which I had an anovulatory cycle. I ovulated 5 weeks after the day I miscarried so that seems average (https://www.kindara.com/blog/charting-after-a-miscarriage-what-to-expect)? We are very lucky the timing worked out indeed! -
I'm a week post-D&C and I think the sadness has mainly passed for me - I haven't had a breakdown in about 24 hours. Unfortunately, now I'm just irrationally angry. We can't TTC until after next summer due to my brother getting married in Mexico (ugh Zika!). Now I'm terrified that when we do TTC again it won't be easy/I'll have another loss. Thankfully I'm still young-ish so my fertility isn't a ticking time bomb but I'm just SO frustrated because we were so ready for another baby. Sorry for the rant.
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@skinnycow: this is a safe ranting space!
But I’m sorry it’s such a long wait. That’s really hard. And i don’t know if it’s the case for you but my hormones were alllllll over the place causing all sorts of emotions for the month after. Hugs
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@skinnycow: I hear ya... I didn't want to be out on leave for Q4 (end of the calendar year) since I'm sales based and that's my biggest time. But if we TTC right now, that is basically the time I would be due and out. I don't want to delay so we'll have to deal but it sucks. And rant away!
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So I think I'm getting AF? Could it be possible, only 3 or so week from m/c bleeding? I still had HSG in my system as of this Monday (I haven't checked since though).
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@skinnycow: sorry about how you’re feeling but it’s totally valid
️.
@LindsayInNY: I hope it is AF! What was your level on Monday? Sounds like it’s well within average. 🤞 your body is kicking into gear. -
@LindsayInNY: Popping in to say that I got my first post-loss period about 3.5 weeks after D&C and at that point I still had a blazing positive HPT. Even after my period the HPT was still clearly positive, but then I ovulated around CD 13, which is normal for me. At the time I was testing hcg to zero and I believe it was still around 20. I asked other bees, and it is definitely not uncommon to ovulate while you are still getting squinters. I actually got pregnant that cycle - it didn't stick but I don't think that had anything to do with some hcg still in my system.
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I have officially passed 3 due dates and I am having a hard time accepting the fact that I'm still not pregnant. I've been feeling pretty good but today is my HSG and I think that's just making me nervous so my emotions are all over the place.
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@bhbee: Thanks! Yeah - pretty sure my hormones are a little crazy right now.
@LindsayInNY: Ugh, that's another frustrating thing for me also. If the baby stuck it would have been born at my slowest time at work and if I get pregnant immediately when we can try again it'll be during my busiest! I agree on not delaying though - people at work will figure it
@ChiCalGoBee: Thanks
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@mrskansas: I'm sorry
I can imagine that passing due dates is rough.
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@ChiCalGoBee: No idea. My last OB appointment was last Wednesday. She didn't see a need to keep tracking HCG levels, which I was fine with. But, as of Monday 10/23, it was 1,400. That's all I know. I just POAS and could still see a line. Have you heard back from your doctor yet?
@periwinklebee: Oh interesting! My "plan" was to POAS on Monday and Thursday just to see how the line looks (if it's getting lighter). I want to OPK this cycle now but worry HSG will throw it off? Maybe I'll just have to force DH to EOD BDing... (lots of acronyms here lol!).
@mrskansas: Sending you big hugs.
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@skinnycow: All of that. I'd rather the baby and forgo the commission!
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@mrskansas: I’m sorry
i hope today goes well@LindsayInNY: if you get af now i think you’ll be able to use opks in 2 weeks or whatever is normal for you. I still had hcg when i ovulated but it was pretty low by then. So it meant every opk looked kinda positive, but i could still see a difference when it got blazing positive vs just the same color lines. That plus ewcm made it pretty clear, but i had to ignore all those not-blazing positives leading up.
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@LindsayInNY: My experience was similar to @bhbee: On CD 5 I was still getting a fairly strong line but when I tested again on CD 10 it was much fainter and while OPKs looked sort of positive, I could distinctly see them darken with the LH surge. I also had a fair amount of CM.
I will also note that while my first AF was more crampy than normal, I felt so much better hormonally after it. I was an emotional mess with the hormone drop but having AF really helped with that.
Thinking of you
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@mrskansas: Thinking of you
No words, this just absolutely sucks. When we had tests done with the RE I was always so scared that we would learn that we couldn't have kids, and was just an emotional mess. I think you will feel so much better once it's done -
@bhbee: @periwinklebee: Good to know!! I feel like once you've done OPKs for SOOOO long, it's clear when they are and aren't positive. So we'll give it a go this month/cycle!
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@LindsayInNY: Yes! Give it a go this month! I finally was able to get in for my first blood draw, and waiting on results. Second will be Saturday morning. Fingers crossed.
@mrskansas: Hope the HSG went well! -
HSG went well. RE said everything looked perfect.
I had a shitty day though. I got fired this morning. I was totally blindsided and I'm still in shock and so upset. If everything else wasn't enough, now I'm unemployed. Life sucks sometimes.
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@mrskansas: Ugh, I'm sorry
Glad everything went well with the HSG.
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@mrskansas: that’s awful
I’m so sorry -
@mrskansas: Oh man. I am so sorry. I've been there and it sucks majorly. Hugs and wine.
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Feeling a little blue. A friend posted great pictures of her pregnancy bump and nursery. She is my age with first child and due within few weeks of my loss due date. We’ve been friends for 10 years through work and I’m truly happy for her. But feeling sad that I’m creeping closer to my due date, trying each cycle to get pregnant with great timing and no success. It’s moments like this that I find my optimism and faith (which tells me a sticky baby will happen for me and my awesome DH) struggling. Just started EOD BD for this cycle and part of just feels like “why bother - it won’t happen”. Sigh.
Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder a bit.
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@MrsJBeeG: hugs friend
I’ve definitely been there on the it’ll never happen and why bother feelings ... you are not alone. There are a lot of sad times but when you get that rainbow baby it will feel worth it -
So quiet here lately!
I had a hard pang of sadness today after mostly ignoring ttc thoughts for a while. My in laws are visiting for early thanksgiving and we were talking about someone having another baby, and then talking about when the kids were littler, and i just couldn’t stop thinking someone is missing, we are supposed to have a little baby. Maybe not even the baby i lost this year - more a general feeling that we’re not complete. I haven’t felt that in a while and i am trying so hard to be thankful for what i have and say that it is a miracle and it is enough. But i suppose that pang may just be there for a long time if another baby doesn’t happen.
Just rambling ..: hugs and happy thanksgiving ladies. I know the holidays can be a hard time for loss and IF
Glad everything went well with the HSG.
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