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TTC After Loss Part II

  1. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: When will you get your lab results back from today? Thinking of you!

  2. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: sending good thoughts

  3. Dr. Pepper

    apricot / 461 posts

    Thanks everyone who has been thinking of me! I have a huge team of people praying for this baby and me (including my dentist now too).

    My level today was 1030. Up from 593 on last Thursday (4 days ago). So not even doubled in 4 days. Going in Thursday for another level, an ultrasound, and an apt with my doctor finally.

    I was reading some more today and learned a gestational sac isn't usually seen until hCG of 1,000. In a few rare instances they have been seen with hCG of 300s. However, my hCG (drawn right before my ultrasound last week) was 250s and there was a gestational sac measuring 5w4d (I was 5w5d). Very strange.

    I also was reading further and saw that since hCG is produced by the placenta, low hCG levels can sometimes point to issues with the placenta. My 16 month old was almost stillborn because his placenta stopped working a few weeks before he was born. He was born by extremely urgent c-section hours (maybe minutes) prior to his heart stopping. The doctor assumed he would have a true knot or a tight nuchal cord, but neither was present. So it had to be a defective placenta- but pathology found nothing wrong.

    So, now I'm freaked out about a crappy placenta. I can't wait to see my doctor and ask a billion questions. I do know she had planned very close monitoring this pregnancy. Weekly, maybe biweekly, BPP and NSTs toward the end of pregnancy to watch for placenta issues. UGH! Stress. I can't wait for Thursday.

  4. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: I had a gestational sac present when my HCG was 500 at 5 weeks exactly. They did an ultrasound to confirm it wasn't ectopic because of low and slow rising HCG so I was surprised to see anything.
    Low and non doubling HCG almost always indicates a non-viable pregnancy and I did indeed end up having a miscarriage. It sucks.

  5. theotherstark

    pomegranate / 3045 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: I’m so sorry - this sounds like such a stressful situation!! I am keeping all of my fingers crossed for good news at your next appt

  6. ChiCalGoBee

    nectarine / 2028 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: The HCG range of normal is huge. FWIW, my OB said they actually look for a 66% increase in 48 hours (but saying “double” is what’s mostly known). I have my fingers and toes crossed that your gestational sac is developing into a healthy baby

  7. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    I feel pretty low today and can't pinpoint why.
    My appointment this morning went fine and I was glad the RE thinks that trying naturally is the key, but after they did the ultrasound I'm not feeling that great. It's so dumb because the doctor said everything looked great but I can't help but feel negative. My follicle was giant (28mm) and my lining really wasn't that great (6mm) although it did have the triple line pattern they want. If I don't get a +OPK tonight the RE said this cycle would more than likely not be successful.
    I think months of failure has scarred me and I will always have no hope so I'm not as disappointed. I would love for this cycle to be it but it feels over before it has even begun.
    10/19 last year was when I had surgery for the ectopic so part of me is hoping it's a "sign" that this time things will be ok. So dumb, I know, but I've been grasping at straws.

    Sorry for the woe is me story but I'm just having a rough day emotionally.

  8. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @mrskansas: share away! Honestly this process is hard - no matter when the loss was or how long it’s been or how many. I don’t know what I’d do with the wonderful ladies on this board. And I know the grasping at straws and feeling hopeless hurts on a level hard to describe to someone not experiencing any loss of a pregnancy.

    I am praying for you for strength in these tough times.

  9. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: Thank you for the kind words I really don't know what I would do without you guys either. No one else gets it.

  10. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    On a lighter note I had a 3D vaginal ultrasound to look at my uterus and that was pretty neat. He could even see where my c-section scar is.
    The weird part was that the probe vibrates during a 3D scan. So essentially I had a vibrating wand up my business while a doctor asked me when the last time I had sex was. Fun times!

  11. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @mrskansas: lol. No way. That’s a unique experience!

  12. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: now that's a wanding

    and I'm sorry you're feeling down about things. I am right there with you if it helps. I did not think this due date week would feel like a big deal, but I'm pretty sad that I'm still here trying and not knowing what will happen. and I'm also thinking maybe it's a sign that we could conceive this week, which rationally makes zero sense!

    I also need some BD dust or something. we need to start EOD tonight I think since I've seen some ewcm, but it's going to be rough. we're both super messed up from allergies (and thus exhausted), both stressed out (work/volunteer event), and my in-laws are showing up Thursday. so it will be a minor miracle if we get even EOD in!

  13. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @bhbee: I'm sorry you're feeling down too. My EDD was 11/2 so I don't think that date approaching is helping me either.

    Typing that I just realized if I were to get pregnant I would be 4 weeks exactly on 11/2 so maybe it's fate?! Haha.

    Sending you lots of good thoughts that you are able to BD when you need to! That's one of the main reasons why I don't like waiting to ovulate... I hate having to try to time sex and worry about when or if it's gonna happen. Hang in there girl!

  14. ChiCalGoBee

    nectarine / 2028 posts

    @bhbee: hope you get some good BD in!
    @mrskansas: sorry you’re feeling down
    @MrsJBeeG: how are you doing?

    I’m hanging out at CD 5. Already planning for next week’s BD schedule. Hope my husband is on board...I’d like to really get a lot in this cycle 🤞

  15. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: hello! Doing well here. CD 10 and my opks are getting darker - think it may be positive this afternoon or tomorrow. We’ve been BDing aggressively - cd 5 (for fun), 7, 9 and plans for 11,12,13 and 15 with adjustments based on opks. I’m exhausted as I’ve been working out like crazy and watching my eating - so last night DH actually initiated BD knowing it was a planned day. so at least he is on board.

    Since I’m focusing on my health and not ttc - I don’t have any really hopes for this cycle. Don’t know if this will last or change once I get past ovulation timeframe. Sigh. I do wish this was easier for all of us. But I’m turning to faith to hope God has a plan for us and our dreams of a little family.

    Good luck to everyone! This board is so awesome.

  16. ChiCalGoBee

    nectarine / 2028 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: Awesome schedule! I know we won't be that on it....it's been a *long* time since we would BD that often so I have to try and be strategic about when. My husband really hates feeling like a stud horse so I try to be mindful of that. This is my real first cycle post m/c so I'm wondering if I'll even ovulate at all...

    I'm headed out of town solo for a wedding and packing all manner of OPKs/Ava bracelet/Clearblue Fertility Monitor. And I know many of you have meds to deal with on top of all that. You're all amazing

  17. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: how did it go today?

  18. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    I saw this today and thought of you all



  19. Dr. Pepper

    apricot / 461 posts

    @mrskansas: Thanks for thinking of me and asking. It went terribly and I have yet to make my decision of how to proceed.

    The ultrasound no longer showed the gestational sac that was seen last week. There was a cystic structure in the endometrium that was smaller and irregular. There are unchanged cysts on each ovary still. My hCG did continue to rise. It is now 1,500 something.

    Options:
    1. Assume it is a slow growing ectopic and do methotrexate. I would have to go the ER to get the shots.

    Negatives: My department (the pharmacy) would have to make the shots, therefore, everyone would know I'm trying for a 3rd. I just applied for a promotion and I do not trust my bosses to not hold it against me when deciding who to promote.

    Have to wait 3 months minimum to try again for another baby (if we even do try again).

    Positives: It is done and over.

    2. Try cytotec and hope that the cystic structure in the endometrium is the miscarried baby. Follow hCG levels. If they continue to rise, then do methotrexate next week.

    Negatives: This keeps dragging on and on. Risk of ruptured ectopic and losing a fallopian tube.

    Positives: Avoid work finding out and can try for a baby whenever if we don't use methotrexate.

  20. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: I am so sorry

    Did they see anything in your tubes that would indicate an ectopic? Or even just a dilated tube? I know that every situation is different but when I had an ectopic it was clearly visible when my HCG was in the 400s so I would almost be inclined to go w/ option #2 and track HCG closely.

  21. Dr. Pepper

    apricot / 461 posts

    @mrskansas: They did not see anything at all that would indicate it. The OB said that it isn't uncommon to not see anything until the tube ruptures. She's has tubes rupture at a hCG of 24 even! I think the doctors are always over cautious in order to try to minimize risk to patients. A ruptured tube can be a life threatening event, so I get that.

  22. knittylady

    pomegranate / 3212 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: my ectopic wasn't seen in the tube until 8 weeks when my hcg was over 8000. Somehow I didn't rupture but they did have to take the tube. I say go for the methotrexate. The waiting would so suck, but obviously better than the other ectopic alternatives... PM me anytime. This is one of the worst things...

  23. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @knittylady: I was hoping you would chime in.

    @Dr. Pepper: Could you explain your situation to your OB so they can be super discreet about the methotrexate? Dealing with this sucks enough without having to worry about your professional life as well.

  24. Dr. Pepper

    apricot / 461 posts

    @mrskansas: There is literally no way for my department to not be involved. It sucks. In fact, I am often one of the ones that would make the injections.

  25. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: I’m so sorry.

  26. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @mrskansas: love this - thank you for sharing.

    Ladies - I’m normally an upbeat gal but starting to struggle again. I’m doing so well focusing on diet and exercise (so sore from varied workouts it’s crazy). DH is really being supportive of it. Then I got potential job locations for next summer - I’m in the Army so I don’t really totally get to pick. One job I would love (location is not ideal for us), the other location is better but the job isn’t what I want. Instead of being happy to make a selective cut for the job I like - I feel so bummed - because I won’t get the job.

    And now my opks seem to be staying negative and no ewcm developing (unusual for me) on cd 12 - feeling like I’m starting to have a crisis of faith and can’t cope this month.

    I suppose ovulation could be later as I’m working out like a fiend and that could delay things? Sigh. Nothing like feeling I’m going to be out this cycle before we’ve even really totally started.

  27. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: hugs. I have had a lot of those cycles this year where I felt defeated.

    But I do think you could absolutely delay your ovulation and that doesn’t really mean anything bad just more tests to take!

  28. ChiCalGoBee

    nectarine / 2028 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: I am so, so, so sorry you’re having to make this awful choice.

  29. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @bhbee: thank you! You are so sweet to be so encouraging. It really helps knowing I’m not alone. I’ll keep peeing on sticks until it turns positive.

  30. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    So I forgot to take an opk yesterday afternoon. This mornings looks nearly positive so I’ll try to test this afternoon. I doubt I missed the surge although it is possible. We did BD last night and will tonight - maybe a few other nights if I get a positive opk this afternoon. It makes me feel better to see an almost positive as that stupid second line was staying light and really bugging me.

    I hope everyone is doing well this weekend!

  31. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    I just had ten tubes of blood taken

    I noticed on the lab order they are also doing HCG. I'm not thrilled that I have to pay for that when I'm only 6 DPO and there is almost no chance of anything showing up this early. I would have waited a few more days if I would have known!

  32. ChiCalGoBee

    nectarine / 2028 posts

    @Dr. Pepper: How are you doing? Thinking of you
    @MrsJBeeG: Did you get your positive OPK? Sounds like you've had a ton of BD so hopefully the timing all worked out!
    @bhbee: How's the TWW going for you? Symptom spotting?
    @mrskansas: Wow. That's a lot of blood! My guess would be they have to "rule out" HCG as part of what they're running? Perhaps its protocol? Stinks that you'll have to go in again in a few days!

    I'm on CD 11 and my OPKs/CB monitor suggest I'll ovulate early for me, CD 11/12 instead of 14/15 prior to this loss. I was out of town this weekend so we didn't get as much BD in as I wanted, but had one-two shots with hopefully good timing. Hoping to confirm O tomorrow morning and start the TWW. Sending lots of to you all.

  33. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: hello! Thanks for asking. I got a positive opk a day later than expected - we fizzled out on Bd one night but still managed to get three solid times in around the positive opk. Not certain how I feel about odds and all that - i’m only at 2 dpo (or so) so I’m not feeling anything or thinking too much about it.

    to you too.

  34. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: I hope your timing was just right!

    As for me I’m trying to ignore the 2ww. I’m honestly super depressed about ttc right now so just trying to focus elsewhere. I can’t decide whether I should test on Halloween because it would be fun to find out then, or not because it would make a fun day sad. I also keep thinking about whether we should just stop trying, but I think that every cycle and haven’t quit yet!

  35. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @ChiCalGoBee: Good luck girl!

    @MrsJBeeG: I'm glad you got your positive! Hopefully the TWW is gentle on you this month.

    @bhbee: Hang in there I've been feeling really down too and it sucks.

  36. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @bhbee: my hurts for you. Sorry you have these struggles. I’m definitely hoping the best for you this month.

    @mrskansas: thanks. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    I would be so happy to see you both with positives - and everyone else trying on this board.

  37. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    Also all these posts about having a bunch of kids is making me sad.

  38. MrsJBeeG

    clementine / 787 posts

    @mrskansas: are you talking about the whether to have three or 4??? I shouldn’t have read it but was curious since I have two siblings. Then I thought ... sheesh I’d be happy to have one at this point and was totally bummed out. I totally know what you mean.

  39. mrskansas

    nectarine / 2813 posts

    @MrsJBeeG: The one about 3 or 4. Or having a third. Or stopping at 2 kids. Lol. There have been quite a few lately.

  40. bhbee

    cantaloupe / 6086 posts

    @mrskansas: and on a similar note why do pregnancy announcements never get easier? I was wondering today, if we quit trying, will it feel that way forever? And then I feel guilty for even wanting another.

    I’m so over this 2ww.

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