Hellobee Boards

@bhbee: yes I've wondered the same about announcements. I think if it ever does get easier it will be a loooong time.

I think I've stopped bleeding from my loss (sorry if that's graphic). I have another doctor's appointment this week to check my HCG levels and make sure they're going down. I'm dreading having to wait a cycle because lord knows how long that will take... I'm on the fence about switching insurance companies in case I need IF coverage. And just feeling kinda crappy as all of my pregnant friends due around the same time as me seem to have forgotten me. Apparently "I'm thinking of you" only means thinking and not talking to. So it's just kinda shitty how forgotten I feel.

@LindsayInNY: Hugs The loneliness is really hard. Honestly if it weren't for this board I would be lost.

I do agree with bhbee about not waiting. My OB told me there was no reason to wait other than dating purposes, but since I track ovulation that wouldn't be an issue.

@bhbee: I told DH yesterday that every Monday, I think "I would be X weeks today." I know (hope?) I won't think it forever but right now it's a perpetual memory. The OB just said to wait a cycle? I'm assuming it's because they like to use LMP as a benchmark going forward? But honestly, if I can calculate when I O, that should be good enough... (I wrote this before reading the entire comment LOL). I go in tomorrow to check my HCG levels again - I didn't even think about the fact they could still be showing up on a HPT. UGH.

@LindsayInNY: that reminds me - don’t forget if you still have hcg that will set off an opk too. So it’s a little hard to trust opks until your hcg is down to zero. I was able to tell ovulation was coming though because of changes to cm and also to just how I felt better overall with my hormones back closer to normal.

@LindsayInNY: My HCG fell really quickly initially, but the last 100 or so took AGES to completely go away. My OB said it can take a while for the HCG to completely leave your system and he was right. I had lines on cheapie HPTs for ages. I ultimately had to stop testing because it was bumming me out, and then a few days later I got a period. It was a total of 24 days from the m/c to the HCG fully leaving, and I know others have had to wait way longer. I even had EWCM about 2 weeks after the m/c but, with HCG still in my system it definitely wasn't from ovulation. It sucks. I'm so sorry.

@bhbee: I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. How crappy that you can't make that decision for yourselves, but have to be resigned to it.

... And another pregnancy announcement at work. I hope this eventually starts to get easier because I'm feeling pretty low right now.

@skinnycow: I haven’t had a D&C but just wanted to say how sorry I am. This club isn’t ever looking for new members but we are glad to have you.

I found being at work more helpful than not in that it was a distraction although coworkers are constantly asking when I am having another one - that part sucks in this process. I hope your coworkers are less nosy than mine! And hope you can find support through other people as well.

@skinnycow: so sorry for you to join us here. Even though none of us want to be here, I think this board has offered a lot of comfort. I know it has for me.

@Raspberry: Thank you. Yeah, I came in to work today for that reason. It's nice to have a distraction - I get emotional when I'm just sitting around thinking.

@mrskansas: Thanks!

@MrsJBeeG: It does suck but I'm glad there is somewhere to go for support.

@bhbee: Thank you for the info! I'm hoping I'll feel up to getting out and about with my daughter this weekend.

Thanks everyone for your welcomes - I'm sorry you all have had losses also

@skinnycow: I'm so sorry for your loss

I had a D&E Friday afternoon and was completely fine to go to work the next Monday. If you can, I'd try to plan a quiet weekend to recover. The day after my D&E, I ended up going for a (sort of) longish walk because it was a rare gorgeous day in the middle of winter, good for my mental health but I started really cramping. Not a big deal, I just called a lyft rather than walking the mile back home, but I think it is good if possible to try to take it easy for a couple of days. That was really the only discomfort that I felt.

I also got anemic afterwards, which made me super tired. If you're prone to that at all, you might consider asking your doctor about iron supplements.

The hormone dropped really sucked, but things got much better once I had my first post-loss period. I was still getting positive hpts after my first period, though, so I think my levels were in part just slow to drop.

Sending lots of healing thoughts...

@mrskansas: That's me but with local mom friends, all had #2 or are pregnant with #2 already.

@ChiCalGoBee: Thank you!

@periwinklebee: Thanks for the heads up - I do tend to run anemic (especially during pregnancy). I was on a prescription prenatal with extra iron this pregnancy so hopefully it won't be an issue.

@Dr. Pepper: Thanks for sharing your experience - I'm sorry for what you've been going through as well

@LindsayInNY: Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss also. My OB gave me an option between waiting it out, inducing miscarriage via medication, and the D&C. I'm not particularly thrilled with having a medical procedure done but the idea of waiting it out and possibly miscarrying at work terrifies me.

@skinnycow: I was in the same boat with options, except it was a vacuum procedure and not a D&C. As "luck" would have it, I started bleeding on my own and took Cytotec to help things along. Is that still an option? I was home the day I took it and it started to work within maybe 2 hours?

@skinnycow: So glad your procedure is over and hope you begin to heal very soon. Sorry for the insensitivity of the nurses....I went to the ER during my miscarriage and my nurse was awful, too. The doctor was sensitive but the nurse was not good. Ugh.

@skinnycow: They're so dumb sometimes. I was at the OB this week and after waiting far too long because of a scheduling issue, commented to the nurse that I was over being around pregnant people (why don't they have separate waiting rooms?!). She then proceeded to ask when my last period was. Seriously lady? Read my chart, find out why I'm even there. I wish they could put little stickers or codes on people's charts. I also fought with the front desk to NOT pee in a cup. Crazy.

11 dpo and no real signs of pregnancy for this cycle. While I know I could be still in the game because in my only pregnancy I got a bfn today and a bfp on 13 dpo, I’m guessing I’ll be visited by AF on Monday.

Kind of bummed since this is cycle 5 post-loss. I did realize that by focusing on what I have and on my goal of losing 30 pounds by springtime (I’m down 8 lbs in 3 weeks and step on the scale today to see this weeks progress - hopefully adding to that number ) I’ve really not been obsessively watcing for symptoms this tww. Which is helping me tremendously this tww. And since I plan to keep trying at least until the year mark - that’s probably good. But makes me sad because I don’t feel the excitement and hope and wonder that I felt in the beginning of ttc.

Thanks for “listening”. I’ve said it before and heard many of you say it here - I just don’t know what I’d do without all of you sweet ladies - I’ve had struggles in life but this ttc post-loss is so hard and I could not do it alone.

Thank you all so very much.

@MrsJBeeG: I'm sorry about the bfn

I think for many people, excitement and wonder is different after loss. Rather than being a rush that happens with a bfp, I think it's more like a gradual realization at first, and an enormous sense of gratefulness and wonder when things that went wrong in past pregnancies/TTC finally start going right....you shouldn't feel bad at all if it feels most natural to feel numb now, it sucks but it won't be a forever feeling

@periwinklebee: @ChiCalGoBee: @bhbee: thank you.

I appreciate your thoughts. And it helps to hear that while I do feel a bit numb and disconnected from this tww - it probably doesn’t translate to a pregnancy - assuming I get pregnant and progress fine on a second one.

Well, had my talk with dh about being done trying and it went well although did not really clear up what to do next! During and after the loss, through all our failed ttc since, he’s always seemed totally detached and only ever said things like “how will we ever handle a third”. So I figured the second I said I was feeling done he would be out. But he surprised me and said let’s talk about it. And I think he is more into continuing than I am!

He said over time since the loss he’s gotten more into the idea of how special it would be to have another baby. He’s definitely not ready to be totally done yet. But I think we are on the same page that it may not happen naturally, and we’re not willing to go further with treatments this time. We are both so so thankful for the children we have, and honestly the more I think about it the more miraculous it seems that we ever had my son at all.
So what next - that’s where it’s not clear. We’ve agreed to try this month and I’ll also talk to my ob and get her perspective on things at my annual. Him wanting it does make me want to continue a little longer. But I feel pretty sure that my second RE was right - we just don’t make many good embryos, and probably fewer the older I get. Since we won’t do ivf this time, that leaves us playing a numbers game likely not in our favor. But of course, there’s always a chance. And maybe I can keep up my own detached attitude from this past month.