Hellobee Boards

@Zbug: I just want to say I know how you feel about being jealous of people who get to just be happy and excited about their pregnancy instead of scared. Even with my first pregnancy, I "sensed" my missed miscarriage weeks before it was discovered so I spent most of that pregnancy being miserable. I am terrified of ultrasounds. I feel like I lost an innocence somewhere.

I survived the d&c and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Glad to have it behind me. Now I'm watching a weird documentary on Netflix while I recover called "The Secret." Anyone heard of it? Talks about if you will something to happen, the universe will make it happen and if you expect the worst, then the worst will happen. I guess if that is true, we should all be thinking positive, pregnant thoughts.

@Shantuck: yes! Was big in the late nineties!

Hcg up to 3000 from 345 on Thursday (yay!). But started spotting again (boo!).

@Zbug: those are amazing numbers!! you're SO on track. sorry about the spotting though--did they give you any info about it or explanation, or were they just like, hold tight?

@Shantuck: glad it went smoothly and you're resting up. I remember being totally shell shocked that day. suffice it to say, it's tough.

@jaguar: ha, my mom tells me that too! It makes me feel really defensive

@Crystal: Neither can I.

@LibbyLou: @Crystal: TOTALLY hear you guys!

@Crystal: hugs. You'll get there. I know it's different because I have a LO but I still feel that pain of the loss. And this season is kicking my butt...I feel like my whole world has waited until this month to unveil their new pregnancy or baby!

@LCTBQE: Thanks. Just wait and see until my ultrasound next week. Im keeping my fingers crossed.

@Shantuck: Thank you. I'm taking progesterone suppositories, so they didn't test it. Apparently, it's not that accurate when taking suppositories bc the amount in your uterus will be higher than blood. Hope you're hanging in there

@Crystal: yes to everything you said. I'm the last person in my family AND in my husband's (huge) family to not have a child, and lord knows I'm not the youngest. Hope you're hanging in there. I just realized Christmas is completely over in 4 days, and New Year's Eve is an adult holiday where no one talks about fucking pregnancy.

@LCTBQE: yep! I think next Sunday or Monday. You are just a couple days after, right?

@Zbug: I will be 6w (barring disaster) on New Year's Eve. So ultrasound will be the first week of January, at which point I will have no fingernails or stomach lining left. But yours is so soon! Thank goodness.

@Nutella:

Sending love to everyone who needs it. I had a nasty fight with my husband yesterday -- he's dealing with a lot of work stress -- and I just feel raw and sad today. Trying to get into the swing of things but I'm tired and it's hard.

The past three days my little waves of queasiness went away, and my boobs are not sore or bigger in the least (this was noticeable even before my bfp during my first pregnancy). So this morning (4w5d) I took another FRER and it wasn't any darker than the one from 5 days ago when my beta was 317. I assumed the pregnancy failed and cried all the way to the airport and all through the mile-long line at Newark. This is at 5:30 in the morning. And my husband is like, it's going to be okay, we're in this together. And I'm like, why don't you trust me and believe me when I tell you I am NOT okay. Etc. So when I landed I googled an independent lab, drove straight there and paid $99 for an expedited beta. Just got the results expecting catastrophe and they were 3518--35 hr double. So it's looking good except for mental health, that is looking dire. Also on the bright side they gave me a silver holographic bandaid.

@mrsjd: that is SUCH a good coping strategy! Also, I think your timing sounds great, even if you don't

@LCTBQE: I don't blame you AT ALL for needing the reassurance. The emotions of all of this are intense and it's so much closer for us ladies because it's our bodies. Our husbands care a whole lot, but its not as immediate for them. I won't tell you to relax because that's the worst when people say that. Instead, try to focus on what you DO know, instead of what you don't or can't know. When you find yourself ruminating in an unhealthy way, try to divert your attention with a book, or tv show, or literally anything else. That's what has helped my mental health TTC. I had to go on anxiety and depression medicine six months ago and I'm off it while we TTC so focusing on maintaining my mental health is super critical. I can't go back to that bad place.

And thanks for the hopeful thoughts on our timing. I'm just not feeling like this is it. We'll see.

@Crystal: That is miserable. My cousin has been utterly amazing about it all and so sweet and supportive, but damn it sucks. Because we're basically Irish twins and now our kids are probably not going to be super close in age.

Clomid is alright, honestly. It appears I've ovulated both times with 50mg on day 14 or 15. I don't temp so I can't confirm but I've had classic eggwhite CM that's dried up after ovulation would have occurred. So that's great! This cycle I haven't had any side effects other than headaches and fatigue and moodiness. And those haven't been so bad. Plus, on the positive, I looked back over my husband's semen analysis (he was concerned he might have issues they overlooked) and his numbers are really really great. 100 mill. concentration, 62% motility, and really low abnormal.

@LCTBQE: I read that earlier! Your timing gives me life, seriously, amazing. I always say that conception is like 50% science and 50% magic.

@Crystal: thank you. I actually had a week of early bleeding and was later found to have a sch with my mmc this summer. The miscarriage was presumably unrelated but it all makes me nervous. Hope you're doing ok! I am sorry abt your cousin. That's really annoying.

@Shantuck: I hope you're doing ok and were able to rest lots. I know I was feeling ok after my D&E but it take a lot out of you emotionally. Sorry you had to go through this over the holidays.
@LCTBQE: hey that's awesome you could your blood done at a private lab! And great betas!!
@Zbug: great betas for you too! I know spotting is super scary. Try to hang in there. Your scan will be here before you know it. Enjoy the holidays!
@Crystal: @LibbyLou: @jaguar: I'm feeling down too ladies. Wine is really helping! A few more days until 2016 and hopefully there will be lots of great news for all of us here.
@mrsjd: I think your timing was wonderful. Good luck this month!

We had our appointment at the fertility clinic Monday for recurrent losses. Basically it was just a lot of blood work. I have a hysteroscopy and the dye test next month and then I go back in February to hear the results and our plan. In the meantime I was able to get a prescription for progesterone in case I get pregnant before. I asked for Clomid but I guess they don't just hand that over to everyone. I've read Clomid can help short luteal phases but my doctor didn't seem to agree. At any rate, seems like a couple months of investigation and then maybe we can get this show on the road. Time will just keep ticking by of course. Meanwhile, this is O week so high pressure on us to get knocked up so I don't have to have the hysteroscopy. It sounds awful!

The next couple days are super busy for us and I'm sure for most of you too. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to everyone. I am thinking of all you ladies and wishing nothing but healthy pregnancies in the upcoming year.