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@Mrs. Lion: That's a good article, thank you for sharing!
I am wondering though, if you have any advice as to what to do in a situation where a child calls another child a bad name (in my son's case, he called a girl in his class a "stupid head."
I struggled with what an appropriate response was, other than to explain that words hurt and the result would be that she didn't want to play with him. I felt that wasn't enough, but maybe it was?
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@looch: Did it happen in your presence, or did you hear about it later?
If you heard about it later, I think what you said is fine and plenty. Consequences after the fact don't really help with young kids.
If it happened while you were listening, I would probably say "I can't let you speak that way to your classmate. It is hurtful when you call people names. If you use hurtful words again you will need to play by yourself for a little while." I don't know if that is the official "RIE" response, but that is probably how I would have handled it.
I think getting to the heart of why he is calling the bad names though is the most effective solution going forward. Was she taking something of his? Is he tired? Does he need some space? Then trying to meet that need as a means of prevention.
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@Mrs. Lion: good article. I liked most of it except for the apologizing part. Even if kids aren't actually sorry I think having them say it to the person helps them start making a link that their actions affected someone else and also sets up a bit of accountability that they can refer back to If they do it again.
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@Mrs. Lion: liked that article-- thanks for sharing
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@Mrs. Lion: I heard about it later, but it happened after school, in the presence of my mom, who relayed it to me.
I think he acted out of frustration, but what is weird to me is that they had already agreed they would go to play together. So I don't know if she had possibly changed her mind?
Thanks for weighing in.
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@Maysprout: I agree with you, to an extent. I think that forcing an apology when a child is angry and not ready to move out of impulsive mode is counterproductive. But I do like the idea of teaching that apologizing is one thing you can do when you have made a mistake. So when the child has moved from being angry and is ready to move on, I would just say "I think Jane might feel better if you told her you were sorry for using those hurtful words", and then let them decide if they want to do so. Then you have the modeling and teaching aspect, but the apology is genuine.
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