What kind of consequences do you all use for general misbehavior?
I ask because DH and I try and do logical or natural consequences whenever possible but we often run into cases where we can’t think of anything and just resort to taking away screen time or something. For example, in the car ride home today, DS just kept futzing with various objects in the car despite repeated attempts to ask him to stop. I’d like some sort of go-to but I don’t know what makes sense.
nectarine / 2400 posts
This might not be helpful but I would probably have tried to give him an incompatible behavior such as a song with motions (let’s all sing if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands) hey son do you know how to snap your fingers etc
persimmon / 1467 posts
The car is hard. If it was really bothering me, I'd probably pull over and tell him when he's actually done we will finish driving home.
persimmon / 1385 posts
I guess I don’t necessarily feel like your example was misbehavior. He was stuck in the car and he was bored. He’s going to fiddle with things. We all do it. Is it annoying? Hell yes, but I don’t think expecting him to just stop because you say so is necessarily appropriate. Like gotkimchi said, come up with something else to do that keeps him occupied and is less annoying to you.
nectarine / 2460 posts
Hmm, I like how different everyone’s perspective is. I realize now that I keep a basket of books and toys in my car the kids play with, but all DH had in his car was scattered sports equipment and the AC controls 
Perhaps it was just setting them up to fail. I know we have more instances where we struggle to come up with appropriate consequences. Maybe if I’m struggling it means it’s more of a situational thing that I should try and solve... I’ll have to pay attention next time
persimmon / 1467 posts
I expect my kids to be able to be bored without messing with stuff in the car, but they are almost 6 and 3.5. Some of this comes down to kid personality/consistent expectations/age. That might need to figure into your evaluation.
nectarine / 2460 posts
@brownepiano: My kids are 5 and 2.5 and it was the 5 year old messing with stuff. In general he is not a good "listener" which definitely feeds into my frustration every time he cannot consistently respect an instruction. This is probably the number 1 situation in which we need to give consequences regardless of setting. I'm curious, given your expectations, how would you have handled the car behavior?
persimmon / 1467 posts
My 5 year old is in general a conscience rule follower but he has his moments. With both of them we have to slow down, make sure they heard the rules and consequence and then follow through (or at least demonstrate that you are serious about it). This usually means having them repeat the rule and consequence back to us before they can go back to playing. My 3.5 year old is always in his own world so I have to keep reminding him, but obviously he's also younger.
One time in the car they were doing something that drove me nuts and I told them if they didn't stop we'd have to turn around and go home. They didn't so I pulled over. After that I had their attention and could talk to them, have them repeat back to me what I said, and they knew next time we really were going home. If it were on the ride home I would stop the car and have the same chat (with I can't drive safey when you are distracting me added, since you need to get home) and then maybe ask what they want to listen to on the drive. Fwiw My 5 year old would never, ever do hand motions to a song with me.
nectarine / 2400 posts
@brownepiano: Seriously? Mine are 5.5 and 3.5 and love singing in the car! They also can be fidgety and usually something like I mentioned above will at least snap them out of it.
@JennyPenny: I try not to say my son isn't a good listener because the more I say and think that the more it tends to bring itself to fruition. Definitely the more I'm getting annoyed the more everything annoys me. But if you're having repeat problems with something like that I find that giving only one answer sometimes works. So everytime my son repeatedly is asking me something I say you only need to ask me once. If he asks again I say how many times do you need to ask? He'll answer and I'll say don't ask me again. So maybe in this situation you could say I've already asked you to stop, If i need to tell you again you will lose "whatever" and then just consistently do and say that same thing all the time
persimmon / 1467 posts
@gotkimchi: haha. Nope. There was a short time where they loved singing with me but that has ended. Audio books however ensure instant peace and quiet in my car.
Op no matter what you choose it's really the consistency that matters.
nectarine / 2460 posts
@gotkimchi: yes, this is definitely what we strive for. I was mainly posting for suggestions on what the “whatever” we take away could be. Like, we don’t usually do screen time on weekdays so taking away tv on a Monday car ride would have been pointless. I need a go-to thing that serves as a consequence for situations where I can’t do something more clearly tied to the behavior.
@brownepiano: I doubt my kids would sing or do hand motions with me either. We are not a very musical family and DS1 has asked me not to sing on more than one occasion because it hurts his ears
persimmon / 1467 posts
No toys in the car the next day to practice just sitting?
@gotkimchi: we've listened to more magic tree house than I'd like, but at least I can count on it being appropriate without reading it first. Also any Roald Dahl. The Classical kids CDs are 30 min stories about composers. Mrs Frisbee and the Rats of Nihm.
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