Hellobee Boards

My biggest trigger is people who are due around when I was, especially if I didn't find out about the pregnancy until after my loss. Even though I'm pregnant again, I struggle with the idea of babies born this March.

Right now, toddler girls. Seeing what S would be like if she were here now really triggers. There's other things, like seeing her name. it has gotten better, and there are less triggers, but I assume I'll never be completely rid of them.

Seeing kids that make me think of how Lucas would be now, what he would look like. Sometimes it doesn't even me sense, like I was shopping and a girl much older than Lucas was saying "dad" over ands over to get his attention and it made me think how he'd be talking now. Also my sister got me a little boy figure with a balloon that says " miss you" and I can't look at it or think about it without breaking down. The thought of him missing me the way I miss him is unbearable.

Pregnancies due around my babies' dates.. so I'm going to be a wreck in March, and again in July.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to be surrounded by something you yearn for, especially around holidays which are so family-centric.

I have two scars on my abdomen and it is hard for me to see and feel them, even now with a successful (FX) pregnancy, it is a painful reminder of not only my loss but also of all the anxiety and worry I saw in my husband for me when he was in the hospital with me. I know it wasn't my fault but it still haunts me that I had to put him through that. My due date, which is approaching, is another source- I used to feel grief/jealousy over others with successful pregnancies around the same time, which I don't anymore but the date itself it still emotionally-charged for ME.

Too many things currently. Feeling/looking bloated and thinking "there should be a baby in there." The holidays, because we were supposed to be 12 weeks on Thanksgiving and find out the gender (16 weeks) for Christmas. People mentioning or somehow referencing our child-free status. The medical bills that are still arriving, despite the loss being late Oct / early Nov.

There are also many bittersweet things, like drinking as much Diet Coke as I want and making spring break hiking plans, when I should have been 6-7 mo pregnant at that time having a baby shower.

I have good days and bad days, it seems.

For a while, it was ladies due in March. Now, I'm apparently hypersensitive to ladies announcing broadly at "maybe 6 weeks?"

@Banana330: Just saw this... Yes, that's absolutely it. And I'm so sorry for your loss.