Hellobee Boards

I would talk to your daycare provider and discuss whether hitting has been a problem or if this was a one off occurrence. Hitting is totally developmentally normal and I'm sure your provider is working on a strategy if it's happened repeatedly. She obviously hasn't been concerned enough to bring it up to you. I think it's really weird that your co-worker came to find you to tell you this. I would have been really overwhelmed in that moment too. There's a reason that centers don't tell parents who the offending child was when there are incidents. Parents can be so irrational about things that didn't really hurt their child and are totally normal little kid behavior. I would not discuss it further with your co-worker. If she pushes it, just say you've discussed with the provider and if she's still concerned about, she should do the same.

@Coral: also how reliable is a 4 year old? I would be very annoyed with my co worker for bringing this story to me. If the day care provider isn't concerned then you shouldn't be and your co worker shouldn't be.

She sounds a little nutty to me. It's not like it's unheard of for toddlers to hit. They have to be taught gentle touch, but they sometimes act out of instinct. Last month I got a report that my DS had hit another boy - I suspect the other boy of being the instigator. Now they are buddies - it was a one time thing. I'd never mention it to his parents unless it was an ongoing issue.

Ouch; that’s totally inappropriate of your coworker. What are you suppose to do about it? What a bad position to put you in. Our daycare is on my work campus so I work with many of the parents of the kids my LO goes to daycare with. My LO told me a little boy (whose father I work with) pushed her down yesterday outside. I would never think to talk to him – what is he suppose to do about it?!

what did she expect you to do? more importantly, how would she feel if someone did that to her? naive is the parent who thinks that their kid will always be on the receiving end of toddler hits/bites/kicks.

@Coral: I'm confused why a 4 year old, 21 month old and 8 month old are all in the same room?

Just another vote of your son's behavior is in the range of normal. My 2.5 year old is still learning how to communicate with her 5.5 year old sister. She hits, pinches, pulls hair, kicks, throws toys and screams. Any of those are effective at making big sister cry or tattle. We are always talking about gentle, soft, using words, etc.

I've sought out daycare parents to apologize but never to confront. I've also sought out our daycare provider with a "she said" report from home and could they follow up or keep an eye out for repeated behaviors.

I would hope what @Gingerbee: said would come to mind in the moment. This is normal kid stuff and the child care provider needs to intervene not you and not after the fact. To your coworkers point though I think you would want to know if your LO hit the baby and the childcare provider deemed it necessary to tell you. The 4 y/o is clearly looking out for his sibling, but its up to that mom to address concerns with the person actually watching her child.

I would do nothing.

Your co-worker is an idiot for confronting you about this. What exactly was she expecting to get out of that encounter?

@Coral: Even so, this is normal! It's not okay to not address--both you guys and DCP needs to be reinforcing to be gentle, kind, etc., but this is still a developmentally normal thing. One of my kids was a biter and the other two have both gone through a hitting phase, and I know how badly you can feel when it's your LO doing the hurting. But my kids have also been the one that is getting hit, bit, etc. it just happens. As long as you and DCP are consistent about teaching that we don't hurt others, LO will come through this stage and it will be fine. I really meant you need to give coworker a big eye roll for her approach, not that you shouldn't be reinforcing with LO not to hit. I think it's ridiculous that she went to you instead of the DCP to actually find out what happened and address it with the person who is there when her kids and yours are together.

Agree with the sentiment that the coworker's conversation was a bit strange, and everyone has given good advice.

I'm also wondering if she thinks her older LO has never hit or pushed another kid? I know my LOs have been on both ends of hitting and pushing, especially at that age.

This would get filed away in my brain as a pointless conversation. If DCP was concerned they would tell you directly.