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DH’s salary is almost double mine. He covers health insurance and has a pension. He works from home most days so he handles sick days. He works 4/10s and does laundry and chores on his day off. I do drop off and pick up daily.

His career is prioritized because his earning potential is much higher but he has passed up jobs with significantly higher salaries for work/life balance. I recently interviewed for a position with a longer commute that would not allow me to do pick up and drop off. DH would not get on board. Logically I know that makes sense but I’m not over it yet.

We earn about the same, but I have always earned slightly more because I work in a better-paying but more challenging district, and I have had more opportunities for stipends and extra paid jobs (tutoring, summer school). I also have better benefits.

It doesn't affect household dynamics except he doesn't want either of us to leave our jobs / districts because he likes where he is but he likes the opportunities and benefits of my district.

He starts and ends an hour earlier, so I take care of the kids for an hour in the morning and he does an hour in the afternoon.

I do a lot of household work and he does a lot of yard /pool work, that is our preferences. He also has a side job because it blossomed out of a hobby, and I don't have side job opportunities because I'm nursing an infant.

We both do appointments, and DH regularly takes LO1 on errands all the time. For example, DH has a weekly allergy shot, and always brings LO1. We try to avoid solo parenting with 2 as much as possible, we either work together or do one-on-one.

We make about the same but I work 0.69 and my husband works full time. I plan kids’ appointments around my days off so neither of us have to miss Work for appointments but I am always the one to take them (doctor, dentist etc).

DW earned quite a bit more for a long while but I’m catching up so not a huge discrepancy. She has our benefits and pension, sick leave, etc which I only have vacation time and some sick day flexibility. It’s easier for her to take time off at the last second as she can work from home and I need to rebook clients, so she takes usually the first day or two and if more is needed I will take a day.

In terms of split, I do all the shopping, cooking, outdoor work and on my later days I do the heavy cleaning like vacuum and bathrooms. Maybe a little more of the emotional labour but not much. She does the finances, laundry, car stuff, vet appts, clean up from dinner and more of the care of our son (playing and occupying him while I cook or cut the lawn or whatever) We try to split up appointments evenly or schedule them the mornings I go in late. We split dog walking and bedtime routines, though she is solo 2 nights per week so I try to do more bed and bath when I’m home.

Overall we really strive to split 50/50 and either is good to jump in where needed or to give the other a break. There might be some discrepancy or resentment but we usually figure it out easily. I’m super aware of how many of our friends have resentment to their DH over an unequal share and we want our son to see both of us as fully capable for all tasks in the household. Traditional/old fashioned gender roles don’t apply to us of course.

I think it gets difficult if one person works way more hours rather than one person making more money. We both work 40 hrs so have the same hours of time in a day to split up which makes it easier to keep even IMO. Neither of us are workaholics either.

@LCTBQE: I think we really started to get into a grove once LO2 turned 2. He was a little more self-sufficient, and LO1 entertained him a lot more so that the two of us could get more done together. Our rule is that one one relaxes unless everything is done for the night, so we motor through until we get to that point. If someone isn't feeling well or has something going on for work, we take it in stride. For a while there, I was traveling a TON for work, so I was focused on really trying to give DH a break from the kids when I was home.

Don't get me wrong, having 2 rocked our world. No one properly prepared us for it, and the first year of DS2's life was tough! We both felt exhausted all the time, and he didn't sleep through the night until he was 15 months. So we were struggling with sleep...but for the last year, we've been on a roll!

@periwinklebee: My husband makes almost 3 times making what I make. I'm a teacher and I make like literally $50 more every year it seems and he's a major account salesman for a national food distributor.
But he hates his job and I love mine and I get 2349328 days off so... I feel guilty kind of.
I am very happy with him making more money than me! We are both realistic that "just enough plus a little" is good for our lifestyle and we have no one to impress so life is very good.
I do the appointments because for god's sake I can leave school at 2:40. I have the summers off so I do a ton then. But DH can stay home very often if my son is sick so that has been great! It's not easy for teachers to call out and DHs job is flexible. I love his salary (ha!) and hours; too bad he is unhappy there!

@Becky: @2PeasinaPod: I have always always heard that the hardest year marriage/life balance-wise is the first year after the second baby is born--I'm due in 2 weeks and I'm scared because I already thought we had our hardest year ever, haha. But I am optimistic that it'll get better, like you both say (maybe by the time I'm 40!)

@Becky: that's awesome, good luck!
@2PeasinaPod: omg I would *love* this "no one relaxes" rule in our house. that's my mentality but my husband is a major procrastinator with nagging dumb stuff like dishes, so we end up bickering a lot over what we do and when. I think it must be so much smoother if you're married to someone with similar motivation who you don't have to constantly negotiate with.

I used to earn more before having DS for almost 10 years and I was so proud of it DS came along and it changed everything. However, DH is always the one who takes care of all of us on health insurance, I guess the health insurance card trumps everything. Now he's the bread winner for sure (until he gets laid off / loses his job. ha)

Dh makes much more, because until recently I was on a phd student stipend and he has a "real" job. This next academic year I'll be an adjunct prof so he's still making more than me. When I eventually/hopefully get a good job we;ll be more equal again--eventually I could make more than him, depending on the position.

I wouldn't say our earnings affect our household balance, but my flexibility does--he has a 9-5 type office schedule, whereas besides teaching my schedule is my own to set. he works from home, so things like laundry/cooking are on his task list, but I do more the sick days and other child care, and I organize all the home stuff and do most of the mental/emotional labor. Like, my girls' daycare is about to be closed for vacation for like 5 weeks (aaaaaah the one bad thing about our daycare and it's super inconvient!) and I'll have to be the one watching them/not working

eta also our girls have only been in part-time care up until now/while i was in school, i always had at least an extra day home with them. part of why i do more of the child care responsibilities--i have wanted to! this next academic year will be the first time my 4.5 yo will be in full-time care

For the first 4 years of our marriage I was the breadwinner. DH was even unemployed for about a year (illness/laid off). Since then, it was a blessing in disguise bc DH switched industries and now he makes 3x's what I make. The amount of money we make has no effect on how our household duties get divvied up. I feel that we are 50/50, there are things he does and things I do.

He does the dishes but I put them away. He does his own laundry.

I do my laundry and the kids and put it away. I pretty much do the entire evening/nighttime/bedtime routine by myself bc sometimes DH isn't home yet or if he's home he's working... So bath time is all me.

We outsource a lot too which helps. We have a cleaner come every three weeks. And we pay a kid to mow our lawn.

DH takes out the trash and recycling.

I tidy up after the kids and am responsible for picking up their rooms and play areas.

As for dinners... we used to split it pretty evenly. I feed the kids but sometimes they'll have nuggets and veggies while DH cooks he and I steak or pork chops on the grill. So we kind of split... we also try to do some precooked/left over meals to help when he's working or not home yet.

I make and do most dr appts unless its a sick one, then DH and I figure out who can cover.... we both have pretty flexible schedules with some days having more important things than others... soo it depends on what each of us has going who will take a day. I like to comfort the kids when they are sick so I tend to take off more but if need by DH would take the same.

DH does our finances bc that's what he does for a living but I have daily input into what we are doing with what.

Benefits come out of my check

We both do HSA and child care