A girl that I've known since forever but that I'm not particularly close to posted a picture on facebook today with a caption saying how LO is a big boy today and has a picture of him forward facing. I know that I'm a little nuts about car seat safety but it is just bugging me so bad not to say anything. 8 months is SO young to me, I mean, he's not even crawling yet!
Would you/have you ever said anything to someone in this situation?
151 votes
persimmon / 1420 posts
I said something, and she responded with "Our pediatrician told us to".
persimmon / 1339 posts
In Australia people tend to face kids forward around 6-8 months as a rule. So no, I wouldn't say anything. I'm counting down the weeks til I can forward face my son, he hates rear facing.
pomegranate / 3113 posts
I think it's illegal in most US states to forward-face before 1 year...I might check the laws in your state and give her a heads up if it turns out that it's illegal where you live. That way, you can phrase it more as "I noticed this and didn't want you to get in trouble" than "I'm criticizing your parenting."
pineapple / 12526 posts
@PurplePeony: Its 1 year or 20lbs.
And no, i wouldnt say anything. Not my place.
nectarine / 2132 posts
@loveisstrange: I believe it's one year AND 20 lbs...
I've been in this situation and really struggled about saying something. In the end I didn't because I worried about ruining my relationship with that mom but I felt SO guilty about my decision. With that said, I still vote no. 
kiwi / 549 posts
I would absolutely say something. Some parents just don 'to know so saying something about it could be valuable info. Also-- motor vehicle accidents is the leading cause of death for children under 2 in the US. I don't say anything if I disagree with a parenting choice unless it's a serious safety concern-- like top 3 causes of death type concern. So that means for me, this is worth it. I'd rather speak up and lose a friend than say nothing and the family loses the child.
persimmon / 1171 posts
I would probably say something along the lines of:
"Hey, my pediatrician said we can't forward face until LO is a year old. Did your doctor say the same? Just curious since I wasn't sure if it was the law or just preference. Can't believe how big your LO is getting!!!"
Sort of to play it lightly but still casually mention it.
Or even comment on the picture "no fair, we had to wait until LO was 1 until we could forward face..." And see if she inquires as to why.
grapefruit / 4291 posts
I reckon the "compliment sandwich" would be a goer in this situation:
"Hey, what sort of seat is that? It looks comfy"
followed by
"Did you know that LO's are 400% safer rf'ing till they're two?"
finished up with
"Your LO is just so stinkin' cute!"
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
If it were someone I was close to like my sister then yes, anyone else, no.
grapefruit / 4819 posts
I wouldn't say anything. The law in Australia is only six months (what?!?!) and I was definitely the oddball in keeping my LO rear facing until 21 months, but I never said anything to anyone else who FF at the six month mark. One of my very best friends turned her boys around the day they turned six months and I really, really wanted to say something, especially as she's a pretty crunchy/safety conscious mum in all other areas, but I held my tongue as it's just not my place.
In reality, whilst rear facing is safer, at least the baby is strapped in a car seat, so it's not totally unsafe. And as for breaking the law, well, that will be their problem if they get caught....
papaya / 10570 posts
I FF'd at 9 months. I researched, I understood everything, I weighed up my options and I made my decision. I would have been irritated beyond measure if somebody had "said something" to me.
hostess / watermelon / 14932 posts
I actually did before. She said her SO took the baby to his 9m visit and the ped said he needed to be out of the infant seat (outgrew it), and the dad reported back that ped said big boy seat. Misunderstanding on all parts im assuming. That said, she still left him FF.
And it is illegal in the US before a year. So yeah, I'd be the biotch that was like "OMG so cute! But hope you don't get pulled over, it's illegal to ff before a year" with a smiley or something. Whatev!
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
I think if it were a real friend, not acquaintance, I might say something subtle, using the compliment sandwich above- ooh I like that seat, what kind did you get? Our ped said we had to wait until one I turn, yours said it was fine? I can't believe how big he is getting!
And I would say it in person or a private message, not a public comment. But only if we were really friends. I'm in the us where I believe it's the law to rf until 1 AND 20 lbs (or whatever your car seat says, mine starts at 22lbs). If I were in a country where it's legal early I'd be less likely to say anything.
bananas / 9628 posts
Unless we were really close, I would not. But I would post a link to some info on the benefits of extended rear facing with hopes she'd see it and make an informed choice.
ETA: i mean i would post it on my own, not to her wall or as a comment on her pic
nectarine / 2079 posts
I would totally tell a real friend. If it is illegal where you are, that is the easiest way to give her a heads up. Otherwise, I like the idea of saying something along the lines of "I can't/couldn't wait until the day LO can forward face, but we are waiting/waited until X milestone."
watermelon / 14467 posts
If it were a real friend, I would say something along the lines of, "Hey, I just wanted you to know that it's illegal to ff before one year and 20 pounds. I didn't know until my ped told me and I just wanted to pass it on so you didn't get in trouble." If it was an acquaintance, I probably would not say anything.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@hellocupcake: I would say something like you did. Try to play it off lightly and like I didn't know what the real rules were, just to get them thinking about it!
kiwi / 687 posts
I think you were reasonable to say something. It's weird that her ped said to do it.
My usual way of addressing things like this is an inquiry somewhere along the lines of, "How did you guys decide to switch LO to forward facing? Mine hates facing rear but I know it's supposed to be safer so it'd help to hear your experience." And then it usually becomes a discussion.
pomegranate / 3192 posts
Absolutely. This is a major safety issue. Imagine how you would feel if they were in an accident and you never said something? I would probably send her a link with the car seat laws. It's not like we're talking about extended rear facing, this is way before the bare minimum!
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
If it's against the law absolutely.
Even if it wasn't against the law, if I could find a friendly way to make sure they knew about risks.
grapefruit / 4079 posts
Only if it was a very very close friend. Otherwise, I believe it is not someone elses place to make a comment like that. I would be pissed if someone essntially judged me and made a comment like it. Like @Cherrybee: said, maybe they researched and made an educated decision for themselves.
persimmon / 1396 posts
I would only say something if we were SUPER close. Especially if you only saw if on fb. I saw one of LOs daycare teachers with the car seat installed all kinds of crazy and didn't say anything. I don't know her well enough and it would have come off bitchy.
kiwi / 691 posts
In our state, it is illegal to FF before 1...so I would just let them know that. If it wasn't illegal, I would not say anything.
pomegranate / 3872 posts
I would not say anything. People do all kinds of things that I wouldn't do. If it were a best friend/sister relationship I might just ask why and see if they truly aren't educated about the issue or if there's some reason. For some random acquaintance or even a casual friend it's none if my business.
pomegranate / 3845 posts
It depends on how close I am to the person.
A friend's lo was 8 or 9m and she posted a picture on Facebook saying how much he enjoyed being in the car forward-facing because he could see what was going on (which was kind of silly because he was on the passenger side so he just went from staring at the back of the backseat to staring at the back of the front seat, but I digress).
A few months later we were together and she commented about my LO rf (my LO wasn't even a year yet) and I told her that it was safer and she kind of pushed the issue, so I told her some of the stats. She didn't flip her LO back.
SIL flipped her LO early too but in the case I didn't say as much.
coconut / 8472 posts
I'm not sure what I would do. We had neighbors that went to the same daycare as us and their DS was in the same infant room, just a month or 2 older than D. DH saw the husband putting the baby in the car and thought their infant seat was front facing. He was really torn about whether to say something to them. I was going to mention it to our daycare and have them send out a reminder that it's illegal to FF before 1 and that the AAP recommends 2. I didn't really want to say something directly to them because they're really just friendly acquaintances. Turns out DH saw the car wrong and they are definitely still RF. *phew*
pomelo / 5678 posts
I think if you care, you should say something. What about an honest question, "Oh, I thought they had to face rear until 2?" Start a conversation about the laws. Something like that?
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
I think it depends on a lot of things....To me, if i was doing something dangerous and just didn't know any better, i would want someone to tell me. Probably not publicly on fb because that would make me feel like an idiot i think, but in a private conversation maybe. If you aren't close enough with this person to have a private conversation, i wouldn't say anything. I also think posting links or tying it into compliments could come across as kinda passive aggressive, even though i know that wouldn't be the intent. If your goal is to educate her because you think she doesn't know better, asking a question to determine how much research she has done would be a good place to start..but again, only in a private conversation, not publicly.
pineapple / 12526 posts
@jmarionsmith: Im my state, it's 20lbs or 1 year. Its worded something like "rear-facing is for infants 0-1 year of age and at least 20lbs". A lot of states go by either/or but it varies state by state, so it depends on where she lives. When I lived in the UK, it was 9kg OR 9 months of age.
bananas / 9899 posts
I don't want people judging my parenting choices. I am sure there are lots of parenting things I plan to do that people would have a problem with and I'd rather them keep their opinions to themselves. Even though I agree with you and think 8 months is very early for forward-facing, I would likely say nothing. It might depend on how close I am to them I guess.
grapefruit / 4066 posts
If I was close to the person, I would absolutely say something! Not in a judging way, but just out of concern- and I would hope someone that was close to me would say something as well, esp. if I didn't know any better or wasn't up to date on the latest recommendations. I think we forget that a lot of people aren't huge internet crazy researchers like most of us. If not close to the person, I probably wouldn't say anything.
honeydew / 7909 posts
@loveisstrange: doesn't this mean 1 year AND 20lbs... Not OR? "Im my state, it's 20lbs or 1 year. Its worded something like "rear-facing is for infants 0-1 year of age and at least 20lbs".
In the us, it's illegal to FF before 1 year, I believe, regardless of weight.
Our neighbor has their 9 month old FF and I kept my mouth shut even though I don't want to.
pomegranate / 3411 posts
i have been in this situation (baby was maybe closer to 9 or 10 months i think, but i believe the law is one year) and I did not say anything. The person does not take criticism well and would have turned it around on me and not changed what she was doing so it would have been futile.
If it was someone else, i might go about passively, like "i thought it was the law to keep them rear facing for a year - you don't want to get caught").
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
I wouldn't say anything, not my place to.
@Cherrybee: It's very common in the UK to ff before a year, isn't it? I only say because when we visited last summer, and A was nine months old, our parents and siblings all installed car seats for her ff and thought I was a right weirdo when I argued with them about it.
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