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I definitely think it's been ingrained into us that women are more in charge of household duties and childcare. My husband and I really do try to split these tasks down the middle - he handles mornings solo with the kids and gets them to daycare. I pick them up in the evening. We share doing dinner, bath, and bedtime, with my husband often doing more of it.

But I'm still the one in charge of remembering things. I get the food ready for the next day. I keep track of doctor appointments and take them to them. I make sure we have Xander's medication on hand and order refills. I'm the one that buys clothes for the kids and makes sure he has the right size shoes. I make sure the diapers are stocked and will go out and buy some if necessary. I make sure we don't run out of Xander's milk or yogurt. And now that we have a newborn, I'm the one getting up at 4:30 a.m. in order to get ready for work, nurse, pump, work a 9 hour day PLUS pump 3 times at work, etc.

Maybe I'll feel differently when our kids are older, but certainly for now, I feel like I have it more difficult. I certainly have to keep more things in my brain than my husband does, despite all the work he does for our children.

That's tough. I think men have a harder time adjusting, but women end up taking on more of the work. DH helps out a ton around the house and does his fair share of parenting duties, but at the end of the day if DS is being difficult it ultimately falls on me because he gives up more easily. I know juggling parenting and maintaining a household isn't easy, but I'm ok with that. DH had a harder time coming to terms with it.
I'm so thankful that DH does so much, because if he didn't pitch in and expected me to work, be a mom, and do all the cooking and cleaning we would have a serious issue.

@Adira: Ditto on your second paragraph!

@Pirouette: yesss this too! It almost doesn't matter if DH does everything; it's prob still harder for us!

I don't know how to answer the poll, really. I have a unique balance issue because as a teacher, my work comes home with me and I have to choose. DH does quite a bit, but I still remember everything and do most of the cleaning (although he does the outdoor stuff). Also, as @pirouette: said, there are certain things just because I am mom. Now that he is 15 months, I think it can balance a little more, but not totally. I also think the poll is skewed bc we are women!

DH and I are split a lot like @Adira: DH does mornings on his own because I leave early for work, I do afternoons and we both do dinner, bath and bedtime. We outsource a fair amount of house upkeep, but what we do is split fairly evenly.

And exactly like her - I am the "logistics parent" - I make sure we have the right food and supplies, know when things needs to be done, have a plan for getting everything accomplished etc. - not only for things like LO's food and clothes, but for household supplies, dinner every night, clean sheets and towels for the whole family, and vet appointments. I think this is a big part of the difference with the expectations for women as well - almost every mom I know is the logistics parent and that means they have a lot of balls to juggle.

It's also more difficult for me personally than for DH because he travels for work and when he travels, I go into the office late and have to leave on-time, so balancing work gets harder.

I might be interpreting your question the wrong way, but for my family I think it's harder for DH to balance work and family life. His employer is not understanding of our family's needs for him to be able to be done "on time" -- not early -- in order to pick up the kids from daycare on certain days that I am working late for an event or travelling for work. He is also frowned on when he takes PTO days to stay home with a sick kid. I have the ability to work from home, so I can balance my workload better. If he calls out, he can't work. So it is harder for him in that way.

On the flip side, my employer is uber understanding whenever I have to leave work early to get kids, if I have to stay home for sick kids, etc.

At home, we are pretty evenly split, I would say. He makes their breakfast up every morning, he gets them up and changes them in the morning, he bathes them more than I do, he is also almost singularly in charge of packing the diaper bag when we go out. Sometimes I think that part of our even split is due to having twins. We truly needed to both be team players together from the beginning, as much as possible, since there were two of them and two of us. Plus, we both WOH.

I think it probably depends on your relationship with your husband and how you divide childcare and household duties. I feel like in the "typical" two working parent household the mom does more household stuff and chilcare and the husband works more hours. I think that is only a problem if one of them is unhappy about that.

For us (when I go back to work)... I think it will be harder on me because I want to be with LO more. My husband went back to work when LO was 2 weeks old, before he was bonded with her, and so working a full time job for him is the norm. He already (even with my SAH) does his fair share of household stuff. When I go back to work I think he will probably do an equal amount of childcare stuff. But I think it will be harder for me because I am going to want to be home more than he does. I'll be more upset when I have to miss a play or miss bedtime or whatever. So I think it is harder... but only because I want it all more than he does.

I think it's difficult for both parents, there are only so many hours in the day and everyone has obligations. Some people can say no better than others.

@mrbee: I disagree actually. I really do think it's about the individual husband and his career choices. I will say that in Brooklyn many people tend to have untraditional career paths that allow them flexibility. My DH sadly is not one of them. NYC has lots of industries and socieconomic classes, and I would say that that doesn't hold for everyone.

I would say that Temperance B. got it right above re: expectations. Family and community expectations are huge. My DH gets appaluded for some things that should be basic parent involvement. Me not so much.

My husband is very involved and does a lot of household chores but he also WAH one day a week and only works 4 days a week. That automatically makes it easier for him to balance. Much like PPs mentioned I'm in charge of logistics, food, anything MOTN, pregnancy, BFing, and well infancy in general.

DH does laundry and dishes but nobody is going to wake him up in the middle of he night to do those things. He doesn't have a toddler following him around whining while he does those things.

I have a flexible workplace with a lot of hardworking employees that are dedicated parents. Due to long commutes and two income families most employees do either drop off or pick up of their kids. Whenever a man has a schedule change for pickup he is applauded for being a good dad. People aren't openly critical when women do the same but we do not get the positive attention the men get.

this is so interesting to me as in our family right now, my DH's career is taking precedence over mine and his hours are VERY inflexible. so he really doesn't have a lot to juggle because the lines in his work are pretty cut and dry. where as, i run my own business from home, am the "default parent" and run the household because he just really can't contribute. and it's something I KNOW, but it's still hard to deal with because as a baby, he was much more involved because his job was very flexible. all that being said, i feel the brunt of balancing it all and not feeling like i do a good job! so i think for myself and for my friendships overall, it's harder for the mothers in the families.

I definitely interpret this question more towards exactly what @TemperanceBrennan said.

I think that men get rewarded more by the community and peers if they are more family oriented versus women. Women often get scorned for their work choices and if they chose to spend more time with their family. Yet, men get rewarded and congratulated if they have the same ambitions or do the same tasks.

I think it's hard for any working parent, male or female. My husband has to work away a lot, but he makes up for it tenfold when he is home. I really respect the effort that he makes for our family working so hard, and also the mad skills he brings when he is home with our daughter:) By the same token, I work my butt off every day, and it's hard to manage it all. But we both do what we have to do. And I'm proud of both of us for working so hard, being successful, and being obsessed with our little family the minute we're off the clock:)

ETA: I may have a skewed opinion because I actually have a husband that does his best to "do it all, " and I can honestly say that he pulls just as much weight around the house and with our daughter as I do. Sometimes I read HBer's posts about their husband's lack of contribution to the house/child/work/etc and my jaw drops. So I think the case may be different in that situation, where a lot of the work or care for the child falls on one parent, day in and day out. That would be really tough!

@Adira: definitely agree! Granted, I SAH, but when we are both home, I'm the one laying out clothes to put on, packing the diaper bag, making appointments. DH does do a lot of the physical labor of parenting, but leaves a lot of the "directing" up to me. And it's not because I am a control freak. I just think he isn't used to the management side of it all. And that's the part you can't just decide to divide, you know?

@mrbee: I completely disagree! I think, overal,
I've seen a much better work/life balance in the west for everyone than I saw in the east. It's one of the reasons I don't think we would move back east.

@PrincessBaby: @yoursilverlining: eh, I think you have to take that all with a grain of salt. I'm not going to write a post about how my DH takes care of the toddler when he has nightmares or holds him while he throws up (although he does that and is awesome for it.) But I totally want to write a post botching about how he was whiny this morning about being tired, even though I was the one up at 5:30 with the baby. But I don't want to get flamed about having an unfair division of labor. Sometimes people just want a place to vent!!

In general, it seems to be harder for women, but in my family, we have it pretty equal right now. It was definitely harder for me during the first year due to breastfeeding, pumping, and night nursing sessions, but DH tried to compensate for that as much as he could by doing more of other things, like cooking. Now that LO's a toddler, we probably do a similar amount but different things based on our strengths, interests, and availability. For example, DH has kept up doing most of the cooking because he likes it. I do daycare drop-off and pick-ups because it's on my way to work, and I deal with inventory and shopping with LO (diapers, toiletries, clothes, etc) because I like to. The other stuff is mostly shared.

In terms of actual work, I think my employer is more understanding about family stuff than DH's, but his job is more flexible. DH works more hours per week than I do, but that is his choice. So DH probably has it a little harder on the actual job front right now.

This is such an interesting question and am going to say that it's family/circumstances specific. Like @PrincessBaby,
my husband travels for work frequently, so during those times, I do take on everything related to childcare, which can be hard, particularly when things are crazy at work. But when he's home, he's doing 110 percent to make sure I get a break too. And he's also the one who makes sure that we have diapers, wipes, groceries, whatever. I never even think about that stuff. We do what we have to do to keep things balanced -- it may not be a perfect daily balance, but I think it comes out as a wash by the end of month.

I am also going to say that there's is a flip side to the comments that people fall all over themselves when a man contributes to childcare (as he should), which is that many employers expect moms to be the default parent and accordingly are put off when a male employee needs to take time off for kid related reasons (and I guess silently wondering why mom can't handle it). It's something my husband deals with, and all of my close male friends have had to deal with. There's an expectation that men will put their jobs first that I don't think is as prevalent with female employees.

I agree with @adira - my DH just doesn't have the time or capacity to remember all of the smaller things around the house that have to be done. He works a super demanding job and works a lot of hours so I live in reality that more of the childcare and household stuff will fall on me.. Would I like him to remember to buy dog food or make sure we have wipes? Absolutely! But its not going to happen...

It is interesting to think about society's expectations of men versus women. No one says "oh that's great" when I'm rushing out the door to get LO at daycare but at my DH's office his boss would be like "Oh you're getting the LO tonight? that's so great." Or when people refer to DH as "babysitting" our child. It makes me a little mad.... LO is his child too! Its not babysitting, its being a parent. I know that no one means harm by it but its just what people expect -- the dad is "helping mom out" when he takes care of the kids.