Would you let your college sophomore son or daughter move into an apartment with their boyfriend or girlfriend? The couple met second semester freshman year and you will likely not meet the bf or gf.
When I say "let" I mean in the sense that you are paying tuition, healthcare, paying rent & utilities and everything else that comes with financially supporting your child during undergrad.
coconut / 8430 posts
I wouldn't be supportive of it. 
I'm not sure how far I would go with cutting off financial support though. I would hope that my LO wouldn't even consider it at that young of an age.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
Nope. If I'm paying for your living expenses, then I get a say as to where you live.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
Nope. Again, I couldn't physically stop it, but in my mind, if they want to "play" house then they can "pay" for the house! All parent funds would be cut!
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
Hm.. Not sure. Depends on their maturity and the SO. I moved in with my then boyfriend now husband in junior year of college. But at that point I was self sufficient and my family wasn't paying for my school or rent.
If they wanted to move in together then they need to assumeThe financial ooobligation
grapefruit / 4988 posts
No. At that age, I'd also just prefer in general for them to live in on campus housing.
pear / 1787 posts
no chance. if they feel grown up enough to live with a bf or gf then they should be grown up enough to cover whatever costs that might incur. i wouldn't cut off school tuition, etc, but i would not be paying living expenses if that's a choice they make.
mostly i just want my kids to have a really fun, carefree college experience. i think if you're in a serious, live-in relationship you can get a bit tethered and miss out. my dh had a gf for all four years of university and although they weren't living together, he really feels like he missed out.
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21628 posts
I moved in with my DH when I was in college. I was not being supported by my parents though. So it depends.
nectarine / 2973 posts
We are definitely not planning on paying for that much stuff for our kids. Especially not rent. So that might make me feel differently but I don't see what the big deal is. If they don't live together they will just spend all of their time over at their place anyways. And they're an adult, I'm not going to dictate what they can and cannot do.
eggplant / 11824 posts
No; in part because I really hope LO isn't "tied down" in a serious relationship in college haha
I would also only be interested in paying living expenses if she is living on-campus (or maybe on an exceptional basis after the first year of living on-campus).
If LO moved a gf/bf into somewhere I was paying rent/mortgage on; I would most definitely be charging that gf/bf rent!
pomelo / 5220 posts
No, that seems too young. Also, relationships die out quickly at those ages and it would cause drama if they had to find new housing mid-year. (I should say, sometimes these relationships die out- seems like lots of PP have wonderful college relationships that turned into marriages!)
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Nope. But I'm also not going to pay for them to live off campus in the first place!
papaya / 10343 posts
I would. Although I might be biased because my parents paid for all that stuff (including my apartment) my sophomore year of college when I lived with my boyfriend (not only that but I didn't actually ask them... just sort of informed them? lol They never commented beyond saying we could sleep together when we came home to see them because seeing as we were living together, the jig was sort of up).
I feel like when you're in college you're an adult and your parents should (possibly) express their opinion to try to guide you-- but should not get an actual say in who you date. I wouldn't base my financial support of them in college based on who they lived with. I might say I don't like it, but ultimately I think people have to make their own mistakes.
honeydew / 7622 posts
I was 19 and my husband was 20 when we moved in together. My parents surprised me by being supportive, but M and I have known each other for most of our lives and knew marriage was where we were heading. We were married within 3 years and have now been married for almost 8. It worked for us, but I missed out on a lot of the typical college experiences (like staying in my sorority and living abroad) l left a state school and transferred to a commuter school.
If she just needs a roommate I would lean towards no. Maybe senior year if they are still dating. Living with someone at 19/20 is not for everyone and the stress of it not working out could threaten the success of her education.
pear / 1955 posts
Of course I would. I moved in with my boyfriend (now DH) then and my parents supported me - I'd absolutely do it for my children.
I think what it comes down to is knowing your child - my parents knew I was a responsible person in a serious relationship. If I didn't feel like my child could deal with responsibly living with a significant other by that age, it'd be a different story.
kiwi / 742 posts
My preference would be for her not to move in with her bf while they are still so young. Even if she's mature living together adds another layer to a relationship. If I'm paying the rent the answer would be no, if she said I'll get a job and pay the rent, again, not my preference, but her money, her decision.
cantaloupe / 6885 posts
No, not until they have their undergraduate degree completed. Then I would be fine with it (I would need to meet him/her first though)
persimmon / 1331 posts
I probably won't be paying his rent, so he can live with whoever he wants if he's paying the rent. He's got to make his own decisions eventually and learn from whatever comes from that!
pear / 1998 posts
In the situation you described, no.
But I'm not opposed to my future children living with their significant other in college, but maturity level and time they have known each other would determine my comfort level. I would also want to know/meet ANY of my child's roommates.
pomegranate / 3809 posts
Nope. My money my rules. If they want to grow up so fast, they can grow up and take all that comes with it including paying for college and living expenses.
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
@Mae: I agree. My boyfriend moved in with me & my roommate my senior year of college. My parents still helped with rent.
Depending on the situation, we'd support our kids too.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@TheReelDeal: precisely, agreed.
It's very easy to want to "play house" when it's on someone else's dime. But to take it to the next level and carry a job while in school to pay for that apartment indicates to me they take it seriously.
I'm actually a little surprised at all the definitive NOs without consideration for their child's maturity, the SO and the relationship.
@Amurray: I'm sorry you felt that way! DH & I moved in together junior year of college. And like you our relationship was ready for it and we knew we would marry each other. I got all the partying out of my system freshman year and didn't need it. If I could afford to live abroad for a year LOL I still would have! That first year in our crap apartment was HARD but it was also some of the best years of our relationship!
nectarine / 2690 posts
If my kid was anything like me, then yes. I moved in with dh at 20 instead of moving back in with my parents and they still helped me with money if/when I needed it. And we'd only been dating for...2 months? or so.
If they're immature or I feel they would be distracted and drop classes or something, then no.
I also feel like, if they're away at college, how am I going to know that the bf/gf isn't living there even if I say no?
TL;DR: it totally depends LOL
pomegranate / 3779 posts
I would probably advise against it, but I also think college is a time to learn about life, so I probably wouldn't tie my financial support to it. I would treat it just like any other roommate situation and make sure that both names are on the lease or that a contingency plan is in place so I wouldn't get left holding the bag for all of the rent, etc. if the relationship goes south.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
@Purpledaisy: HAHAHA fair point. I think we plan to help out with college. But there is no way we will be paying for all of college plus living expenses off campus. 
papaya / 10343 posts
I guess I just feel like if you're helping with college it should be a gift because you want them to go to college. Using your money as a financial leash/control mechanism rubs me the wrong way.
eggplant / 11287 posts
But then again, my parents refused to pay for my wedding, took me off of health insurance, cancelled my car insurance, and immediately made me pay back student loans (to them) when I told them I was moving in with my fiance (six months before our wedding). I would never do that to my child.
coconut / 8279 posts
No.
I met DH when I was 19 and we moved in together shortly afterwards. I was living on my own (with roommates) and supported myself financially.
If my parents had been able to pay for college and my living expenses, I think I would've enjoyed living on my own for a while. I've never lived alone and I'd like J to have that experience (if he wants it) and would be happy to support him.
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