Hellobee Boards

@Pink Champagne: I pretty much agree with all of what you said! I realize it's my own issue as well. I realize why mothers do it and therefore would never question them for their decisions, but it's 100% not for me.

@MrsTiz: Ditto this.

Like MrsTiz, I think unnecessary is a much better word for my opinion on the matter than "gross".

i personally think its weird for me, but for other people, to each their own. Whatever u r comfy with, thats all that matters hehe. I know u were drying up! I guess cuz of ds u gots more milk?

It just baffles me how many people think that breastfeeding is purely for food. I specifically do not breastfeed my 18 month old when she's hungry and ought to be eating food. It is purely a comfort thing for us. It's one of the most special parts of our relationship.

my thoughts on extended breastfeeding have definitely changed after having olive.

before having her, i wanted to wean by 1. she is almost 18 months now, and now i'm thinking of weaning by 2 after we get back from a big trip to visit family this summer. since olive is such a horrible eater and doesn't drink milk, nursing is nutrition and comfort for her. she also has several delays due to her being a preemie, and i'm so glad that nursing is a bond that i've been able to share with her when she hasn't been able to communicate her needs.

had olive not been a preemie, not been a bad eater, etc. i wonder how our nursing relationship would have turned out. i would probably have pushed harder for her to wean much earlier if she were a big, healthy baby. but you just can't predict or plan for how things like this go sometimes.

I think it's super-cool, would love to breast feed for as long as I possibly can! We'll see what happens though in actuality...

@Mrs. Jacks: I guess I just think sucking your own body is different than someone else's. I would certainly comfort my toddler or preschooler, but just not by allowing her to suck on my thumb, hand, face, or boob. That doesn't mean I judge or condemn someone who would let their kid do that.

@photojane: agreed. Sucking their own thumb is quite different from sucking another persons anything. Thumb/breast/whatever.

@photojane: I do agree that the abundance of healthy food for many in our country makes BF-ing an older child unnecessary from a strictly nutritional standpoint. I believe that one of the reasons the average age of weaning world-wide is much older is because that unfortunately isn't the case in many parts of the world. But for arguments sake, what if I was living at or below the poverty line, and I didn't have access to an abundance of nutritious options? Would you still feel that breast milk is nutritional unnecessary? I think the majority of Americans consider cow milk (or a milk alternative) a staple "real" food for toddlers. As I stated previously, my daughter won't drink it, and I can only cram so much cheese, yogurt, and leafy greens into her. In my case, I really do feel that breast milk is still filling a nutritional gap in my 17 month old's diet and is the primary reason I still nurse. I certainly think it's okay to disagree on what we view as good nutrition

While I'm sure my daughter receives comfort from breastfeeding, I think she mainly still does it out of habit. She only nurses at the same 3 times every day, and if she doesn't ask for it, we skip that nursing. She doesn't ever ask to nurse when she's upset or needs comfort. For that, she just wants hugs and kisses and possibly a band aid. I don't think that extended breastfeeding necessarily means that a child hasn't learned skills for coping that don't involve "sucking on another person" I think it's completely reasonable for a child to have multiple coping mechanisms. I personally think breastfeeding is an okay one for a toddler to have in her tool kit. And while I haven't been comfortable bf-ing my daughter in public since she was about 6 months old, I certainly think it's fine for someone else to comfort her 3 year old that way if both mama and child are okay with it.

I don't think many extended BF-ers would argue with it being "weird" to BF past one, as it is not the norm in our culture. I think what rubs people the wrong way is the judgment of what is being labeled as "acceptable" or not. But, as I stated before, to each her own

i don't think it's weird or gross and I wouldn't judge other people for it, but I wouldn't be able to do it myself since I would prefer to have my body back sooner rather then later. I'm hoping to breastfeed until lo is 1 and then that's it.

@rahlyrah: Because pumping is the hugest pain in the A ever and takes precious time... and creates dishes. I am looking forward to quitting pumping long before I quit nursing.

@owlmom: Aren't breasts sexual because their function of being nourishing makes them interesting? I mean, sex is about babies... so it makes sense. I don't think you can separate breasts from sex appeal or nourishing babies.

@pastemoo: interesting point. I have heard it put that way before.

Here's the thing; I totally embrace the weird! Call me weird. Say it's strange. Or gross. If my daughter would have wanted or been comfortable I would have nursed her in public up until the bitter end, because until some of us do, this is going to be taboo, weird, etc. So I really wanted other women who wanted to extended nurse to feel that that was okay and not so strange, and I also hated the idea of feeling like I had to hide what I was doing from people. I researched, I gave lots of thought, I was (and am) very secure in that decision, so if it opened me up to dialogue, pleasant or less than, with others, so be it.

@Allison; Thanks. I do know that if I want to see change in the attitudes of others about extended nursing, I have to be an agent for that. I don't love being stared at or criticized any more than the next woman, but if I let myself hide or feel ashamed it's harder for me to say I want the world to view what I did as acceptable. I don't want to recruit anyone, I don't think it's the right path for everyone, and I honestly hold nothing but acceptance for whatever choices other women make about how to feed or nurture their children. I DO want any woman on the same path, though, to feel as though she deserves that same level of acceptance and respect, and wish for them that the climate regarding extended breastfeeding changes enough that they don't do it only in private or at home unless that is what they want, not out of worry. It has amazed me how many people were accepting and even encouraging. I was often pleasantly surprised.

@Rahlyrah; That's an excellent question! How long would I personally have continued: I would have gone to age seven without a thought. Past that, I would want to do some more research and would probably start asking myself what the need was being served by nursing and ask if there wasn't a better way to meet that need. I seriously doubt, given the pressures that kids place on other kids, that she would have continued much past that age. I think the "line" varies from woman to woman, which is really kind of neat! I personally couldn't see nursing a teen, but I'm pretty sure I've read accounts where in some other cultures an adult might "have a sip" in a non-sexual way, so it's completely possible that that's my own hang-up. Also, in this society I also do have to be cognizant/careful about if what I'm doing could potentially get me reported for being abusive. I think it's awesome that you're curious and open to discussion. I love to answer people's questions! If you have any more or want clarification, just let me know.

@Monkula: Very interesting and informative! Thank you so much for being so open

@Kemma; I am fairly sure that that is scientifically accurate (that they will lose the ability to latch. But if the child is doing it for comfort they may persist beyond when they are able to actually get any milk (just speculation, and somewhat based on my daughter and friends' children who nursed through dry spells during a pregnancy) in which case weaning might not coincide exactly with that loss of ability to nurse effectively. I think in most cases it does, though.
@Rahlyrah; thanks! And thanks for voicing your curiosity and being so respectful!

@sloaneandpuffy: no offense taken! You don't sound witchy... no worries! But, no, I don't have a toddler. I do think it's unfair to suppose that because I don't have one means I can't have opinions or beliefs about how I want my children to think and behave when they are toddlers. I want to teach my daughter ways to cope & find comfort that don't include sucking on me, and I think that's ok. And I think it's ok for your children to suck on you... even if I do think its a little weird. I would never tell you how you should raise your baby, but I think it's perfectly cool that we have different opinions.

I will say that as an early childhood & elementary school teacher I've seen lots of children with inadequate coping abilities due to parents who coddled. Of course there are lots of caveats and exceptions, but it is a large reason why I want my children to be able to self-soothe.

Yowza. This thread has really taken off. Personally I do not plan to be bf when my child is two. My current goal is 6 months and long term is 1 year. I am going back to work, though, so most of his intake will be from bottles pretty soon . I think I just can't get past a child of that size actually attached to the breast.

Like @photojane: said, its ok to disagree ! I would never judge someone for choosing to, though. I'm quickly learning parenting is so personal - it's important to do what's right for you and your child and that may not line up with what is best for me and my child ! That doesn't make anyone a lesser parent!

@photojane: My daughter is almost 2 and she still nurses for nutrition. Breastmilk is still antibody and nutrient rich even for a 2 year old so I'm fine that some of her calories and nutrition still come from me, there are much less healthy alternatives that I see plenty of 2 year olds feasting on.
As for nursing fostering an inability to cope, I don't identify with that either. I'm sure that there are bad nursing habits that can develop just like with anything else but it's just not something I've seen in my experience or from other mommy's I've known.