My LO is just about 27mos. I never did have a plan for how long I was going to nurse her, and she has tapered off to only nurse before sleep (nap sometimes & bedtime). My DH has been making comments here & there for a few months that he thinks it's weird & unnecessary for her to still be nursing. He sees her as more grown up than I do, I think, especially since she is not just asking to nurse, but is also very advanced in her speech all around. I recognize it is comfort to her--she's closer to 'baby' than 'kid' to me, and I haven't had a problem with still nursing her. There are, of course, pros to her weaning, but I'm feeling sad that I'm actually trying to wean her cold turkey. I'm resentful of my DH's views, even though I thought I would do this a couple months back. Yes, I am choosing to wean, but I'm clearly not totally at peace with it. 
How did you decide to wean after extended bf'g? How did it go?
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My husband made comments like that too, but ultimately I made it my decision when I felt both my son and I were ready, easier since I knew my husband didn't really have strong opinions about it. It ended up being fairly painless because the gradual approach made it so my son really was ready! Cold turkey wouldn't have worked. I think I made a few posts about it too, it was a big deal process for me! We stopped just after he was 2.5, and it was a really beautiful and special relationship we shared for those years. He is still super cuddly and sweet and I feel our bond is still really strong. Good luck and let me know if you have any questions about how I gradually cut out sessions!
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My big girl was 3y3m when we weaned and I think I was just at the point where it was time. We had cut down to once a day when my milk dried up at 4-5 months pregnant and we were only nursing for 2-3 minutes each day at bedtime (I was tandem nursing by this point) so it was quite a comfortable and organic process.
What worked for us was buying a couple of special books that we would only read if she didn't nurse, those books sat on top of her dresser for almost two weeks before her curiosity got the better of her! She swung between nursing and reading for a few days but once she'd gone three consecutive days without nursing I decided not to let her nurse again.
I think it's perfectly ok to have mixed and conflicting feelings about weaning, when you're full term breastfeeding it's such a big part of your life for a long period of time and it is hard to give up that connection and part of your routine!
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I nursed my first for 13 months and when I weaned was pregnant with my LO2 and the nursed her for 29 months! It finally came down to it where I was like "this is ridiculous." I went away for a girls weekend and came back and it was fine! I was super stressed because I kept thinking she won't sleep through the night anymore, etc. it had gotten to the point where I almost couldn't go anywhere without my shirt being pulled up by my 2 year old and I was over it since I had been nursing for nearly 4 years at that point.
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I continued to breastfeed my son past all my initial arbitrary milestones. We went until he was a little over 2.5 and honestly only stopped because I was pregnant and it was really painful suddenly. We'd been slooooowly winding down. Cut it off from mornings first, then naptimes, then nighttime. I.e I would distract him when he asked, offer something else, nurse him for a very brief time when we did it, etc. happened with no tears but it did take months. He would sometimes ask and not be distracted so I'd give in. Then it was suddenly down and since then he hasn't asked once AND he still cuddles me (I was worried he wouldn't). Yes we went longer and some people made comments (not my husband who was very supportive thankfully) but he was mostly doing it for comfort/familiarity I think. Also had no issues with breasts hurting or anything related to stopping nursing but maybe because we did it so slowly? Honestly we tried when he was almost 2 and didn't get very far, but 6 or 7 months later he was ready and totally fine about it.
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I nursed my first until 20 months and got similar questions about when I would stop. She had dropped down to just once before bed and seemed less and less interested somi knew she was just about ready. One night I decided I wouldn't ask the next night so I really savored that last nursing session. Then the next night I got her ready for bed as usual but didn't ask if she wanted milk and she didn't ask for it and that was that. After a few days she asked once or twice but was fine when I said there was no more. It was such a lovely ending.
My youngest is 20 months now and still nurses once a day. I'm about ready to be done but not ready to push it so we'll see. I think I could wean her pretty easily but I am like you, I would feel guilty or something. So we will see...
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We weaned around 26 months, I think? I had mixed feelings but mostly was really over it and ready to be done. Probably because he was only nursing amfisst thing in the morning and I wanted to get to sleep in sooooo badly. For us he went a few days without asking and then when he did ask again, I told him mama's milk was all gone. He asked a few more times, but wasn't too upset about it.
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In the same situation. My son just turned 2 and he is kind of booby obsessed, although we have gradually cut down. He is in daycare during the day which helps. Morning, when I get home from work, and bedtime (and naps on weekends). Unfortunately when that's what he wants it is hard to distract him. He seems to be going through some separation anxiety and especially at bedtime goes ballistic when I try to unlatch him for bedtime. The last 2 weeks he cries for 5-10 minutes (screaming really) until he will agree to take his pacifier and go to bed.
We are thinking about ttc #2 and I know I will not be allowed to BF while pregnant by my doctor because I had preterm labor with LO. I really don't want weaning to be a traumatic experience for him. I would love it to be something peaceful like the rest of you are describing, but I am not sure how to do that.
I already don't offer/don't refuse, but he always asks!Thankfully my husband is very supportive and my son's 2 year old daycare teacher even told me how great she thinks it is that I am still breastfeeding!
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@MrsADS: I would have said the same thing at 2! He was so so attached to nursing. Once you feel really ready, expect a few tough nights, and then before you know it, it will be better!
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I also had no idea how to make the decision when to stop. We were down to just feeding before bed, and I really had no reason to want to stop, since she wasn't asking for it during the day and we were able to leave her for weekend trips and she did fine. I eventually made the decision when I was 9 weeks pregnant (so, anticipating that it could get less comfortable and also a little wary of the risk to the pregnancy), about to go off on a 4-day cross country work trip, and DD was 26 months old, so I just decided to do it. When I got back from the work trip I told DD nursing was all gone, no more milk. She was unhappy at first but clearly understood and accepted my explanation, and now (I'm 22 weeks pregnant) she happily talks about how she is all done and how it will be baby brother's turn when he gets here. Dropping the morning feed was much tougher than dropping the final feed actually. She cried for a couple of days and we had to alter our morning routine for about a week to work around it.
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@mrsbubbletea would love to hear how you did it slowly. It is such a comfort to my LO and I don't want to rip it away. I'm not in a rush but thinking about it at the same time. I hear these nice stories about how kids gradually dropped it on their own.... and I don't see that happening with my son! He's very strong willed.
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When we weaned it happened naturally. I slowly weaned DD1 down to only nursing 1x/day, right before bed, and I gradually cut that time down so she was only nursing for a couple of minutes. One night she stayed with my parents, and the next night she didn't ask to nurse, so I just didn't offer again. She asked a couple of times in the following days, but never seemed upset when I said we didn't nurse any more. Because it was so gradual it was way easier than I thought it would be.
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@GoGoSnoGirl: this is hard! I just wanted to add my experience and warn that kids were unpredictable.
DS dropped to wake up/bedtime only at 14 months, then only from one side at 17 months, and we maintained that pattern (twice a day on the "good side") until he turned 2. He is my second and last baby and 2 had been my goal.
If you had asked me the week before his birthday, I would have said he was super attached to nursing and would not give it up without a fight, and I wanted it to be easy for him. So once or twice the month before his birthday i said something about how after he was two he would be getting too big for milk. He listened but then still asked and that worked for both of us.
The night of his birthday I told him that he was 2 now and that he would eventually have to get ready to say goodbye to the milk. He said okay, I nursed him peacefully to sleep...and the next morning when I asked if he wanted milk he said "no! I 2 now." So I explained that the milk would go away and not come back and he said " ok bye bye milk". He asked once after a few days but accepted that the milk was gone. I was surprised at how fast it went but I was ready so I was happy. He now lies down in his bed and falls asleep on his own as long as I sit in his room so no issues with sleeping.
I would wait until you and LO feel "ready enough", not that your husband thinks it is time,
And expect the unexpected! Good luck! -
I just wanted to say this post was helpful and reassuring. My son is 19 months, never thought we would go this long, and showing no signs of losing interest. I was hoping to naturally wean him so we could start trying for a baby but he will not give it up.
If I am not home he is fine but similar to others if I am around he demands it during the day. I am trying to limit and distract. Slowly but surely I am hoping to avoid a dramatic weaning experience. Lucky to have this special time still with him and for that I am grateful but the pressure for another baby is growing!
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Lo1 was 22 months when I weaned. I had had supply issues with her pretty early on and fought so hard for our nursing relationship that I didn't want to be the one to end it. But I ended up getting pregnant and losing it (cp) and it was suuuper painful to nurse through. I did anyway, but not long after dh put her to bed a couple nights in a row and we just ended up not nursing for like a day and a half, and I just decided that was it. She fussed a little but we were able to substitute cuddling while drinking cows milk at bedtime for nursing to sleep. It wasn't that bad after all.
Before that I cut back on nursing by saying we could only nurse in our glider-- I was sick of her demanding it out and about! Particularly at daycare pickup, she never wanted to leave bc she demanded nursing right away
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Thank you all for your responses. I knew the 'bees' would get it!
I can identify with so much of what many of you have shared.
Since LO had dropped all her other nursing sessions but pre-sleep, I'd hoped for a miraculous self-weaning. I do care about DH's opinions on child rearing, but I was surprised & disappointed that he finally admitted he kind of had a problem with her still nursing. Of course when we talked about it later, he put it back on me that he wasn't necessarily telling me to stop nursing, but it really ticked me off that he'd insinuate he thought there was any negative to me still nursing her. He couldn't remember exactly what he'd read, but thought there was something about negative social aspects to extended nursing that he'd read recently. He couldn't recall the details, of course, so to me it's bunk. Anyway, it's not so much that I'm weaning @ 27mos that bothers me, it's just that it is complicated & I don't think DH gets that at all. And I was very engorged & sore last night & that was also making me so very grumpy. Anyway, thanks, ladies... you've all made me feel better about appreciating that this is the end of an era. Perhaps it is also doubly bittersweet to me since I'm leaning towards being one & done. If I'd gotten pregnant with a LO2, I'd have probably weaned shortly after becoming pregnant, so there's some sadness around that, too. -
I'm slowly weaning my 21 month old at the moment, down to once a day - either one side and only when she wakes up in the morning or at nap time mid afternoon. she still asks for it a few times a day but I can distract her with activities (unless she is super grizzly tired/upset and wants comfort). I don't do any bed times anymore, hubby puts her to bed after a bottle, and I won't go into her room to settle her if she wakes during the night as she instantly wants to nurse. its so hard and so tricky when they are able to tell you what they want for comfort.
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@matador84: When you went away for your girls weekend, what happened? Did your husband but the baby to bed with a bottle of cows milk? I don't have any immediate plans to stop nursing, but I imagine going away for a couple of nights would be a good way to do it.
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@agold I have gone away on a number of occasions for a weekend/night away and unfortunately, it has made zero difference to my 2yo. He nurses like nothing happened when I come back. In fact when I walk through the door the first thing he wants to do is nurse. So maybe I haven't been gone long enough? IDK. None of the gentle suggestions have worked thus far
edit - and if I try to distract him or say no nursing, he FLIPS OUT.
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I guess it matters on you, if you are confident that your baby is healthy, and you no longer feel the need then applying aloe gel on the nipple before the child nurses is a good way to begin. This way the child consciously makes the decision of stopping because this meal is no longer pleasurable. At the same time, it will have smaller psychological impact because you didn't prevent the baby of a need. The child will only understand that it no longer desires it.
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@agold: He handled it all! By then, my DD was almost 2 and a half so on all table food and cow's milk--nursing was just the added bonus. I was super worried at first about her not drinking as much milk, but the transition was completely fine and I realized how badly needed by me it was too!
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@matador84: Very interesting! Thanks for sharing that! I imagine that it could be a smooth transition for me. My big girl is just getting so big!
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I'm still nursing my 21 month old a couple of times a day and 1-3 times in middle of the night. I went away for 4 days this past weekend for a girls trip and took a small hand pump in case I became engorged (which I did). She was fine having cow milk bottles while I was gone and her dad usually puts her to bed after I nurse her, but when I came back she started right back up (which I'm fine with). I'm going to keep doing it as long as we both benefit from it. I weaned my first daughter at 26 months because I was pregnant and it hurt when she nursed. She was old enough that it didn't really bother her to quit, I just told her mama milk was going away.
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We are almost 1 week into weaning & things are going pretty well. DD still asks for "mommy milk" before naps & bedtime & cries a little when I tell her it's all gone. For months I'd tried to dissuade her from nursing telling her I didn't know if there was any milk. She'd respond with an upset "we'll try!" and after stifling a chuckle, I'd give in (I wasn't ready). She's still trying that line, but is getting less upset when my answer is no. My engorgement has subsided with just a little manual expressing my milk. Emotionally I think we are both adapting. Yesterday she wouldn't nap & it was SO tempting to just nurse her, which previously often soothed her enough for her to sleep, but I resisted the urge.
Good luck to those of you trying or anticipating weaning your toddler! -
Bump. I am pregnant and trying to wean my 2 year old (turned 2 in August). I am D.O.N.E. but he's not. Lol. We've been successful at cutting back but he still asks to nurse several times per day. Occasionally I am able to distract him with a cup of milk or something instead, but when he really wants to nurse, I can't distract him. He's hysterical. At this point I don't know what to do except just let him cry when I say no, which makes me sad
Anyone else going through this?
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@mrsads congratulations! I had a similar experience trying to wean my 21 month old. It took my doctor describing the risk to the pregnancy to my husband and acknowledging the contractions I had been feeling for us to be committed to it. Do you stay home with your son? Is there a way to just get you out of the house so it is not an option?
The timing worked such that I am working long hours these days so I am only home for the morning, we just quickly head downstairs for breakfast and avoid the nursing question. And at night my husband is handling daycare pick up, dinner and bed time. We are on week three of no nursing, my son still asks but handles it much better. He does not cry anymore about it, I just tell him he is a big boy and offer him a snack and snuggles.
For us it has been about establishing new routines, this weekend was the first time since we weaned that my son actually allowed me to put him to bed. He was just too upset by me being there that it was easier for him if my husband did it. Nap time is still a struggle, yesterday we ended up in our bed watching TV
and we fell asleep for a nap there. I am grateful for such a long strong nursing relationship but I do believe it made it more challenging to wean him. Good luck, you will figure out what works best for both of you.
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My midwives saw do problem for me when I was pregnant and nursing. I nursed until 22 weeks. At that point I think my milk pretty much dried up and replacing night time nursing with a bottle was super easy. LO was 15 months when we stopped, so there wasn't much talking about it. He did ask again when the baby came and it was sad but he took it well when I told him it was just for the baby.
I am now trying to cut back nursing my 13 month old and it's been really hard because I am SO FULL of milk. It took me a while to realize that being pregnant really helped that process the first time.
Good luck! and lots of snuggles.
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@macsunshine @maddyz thanks ladies. I would be totally fine nursing while pregnant (agree w/you @maddyz it's safe), however I had preterm labor with pregnancy #1, my cervix began shortening and funneling around 23 weeks and I was on bedrest, had to get steroid shots, etc. Baby ended up not coming until 39 weeks but because of my high risk history, my OB has already told me she would prefer for me to stop. I'm only 10 weeks now so it's not an issue yet (and maybe it won't be this pregnancy) but I'd rather do it sooner rather than later. And I would really prefer to be done nursing #1 before #2 comes and not tandem nurse.
My son is in fulltime daycare (I work fulltime) which definitely helps. We have stopped nursing at bedtime which is HUGE. He always wants to nurse at wake up and when he gets home from school (I think he is overtired and uses it to reconnect/relax from the day).
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@mrsads maybe try to switch up the routine coming home from daycare, avoid the area you normally nurse in. Have a special snack and activity to distract. It is such a struggle and I am thankful that I was out of the house to just force it. You will figure it out and it will result in tears and be ugly at times. That is awesome that you cut the night time nurse!
Also I do agree it is safe to nurse while pregnant, my ob was fine with it. I also see a RE and their mindset is a little different since they want to do everything in their power to ensure a successful pregnancy. I was also personally ready to wean my healthy toddler but just kept avoiding it due to his demands ;).
I already don't offer/don't refuse, but he always asks!
and we fell asleep for a nap there. I am grateful for such a long strong nursing relationship but I do believe it made it more challenging to wean him. Good luck, you will figure out what works best for both of you.
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