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@ineebee: so sorry to hear it. perhaps there is something positive that has occurred this month--that you now know you can get pregnant?
@bluestriped bee: Enjoy your TTC break. I took Dec-Feb off of fertility treatments, and it was sublime.
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What cycle are you on/how long have you been TTC? 15/16 months
What are your plans for this cycle? At the tail end of my first IVF cycle. Beta is this Sunday, which is also my 35th birthday. Trying to hold out to test until then. May need many expensive cocktails and have my bff "on call."
How is your attitude/outlook? Depends on the minute. One minute I am hopeful, the next I am in the depths of despair.
What have you struggled with most this week? Not gonna lie--IVF is the hardest thing I have done in recent memory, both physically and emotionally. I have struggled with keeping a positive attitude and not assuming I will never have kids. I feel incredibly alone since I don't know anyone in real life who has gone through this, and I am so scared I will become a bitter old woman if I can't have children. I am also so exhausted by all the meds that I am unsure how many cycles I can endure. Sorry for the bleak outlook!!!
What is your diagnosis? Endometriosis.
What is your favorite color? Green -
@bluestriped bee: Sorry to hear you're taking a break, but thats great you have something to be excited about! How is the job search going so far?
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@spaniellove: Thanks, i feel better knowing other pple had the same experience. In my last appointment, they did mention it was most likely because it was stale/old sperm. But i still think they should have scheduled another SA just to make sure....oh well, its all good. i'm prolly not going to bring it up with my DH, no point in making him feel bad about his swimmers.
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@raintreebee: I know these next few days are probably going to test your patience - and that everything you have already been through has already tested you too. I will be thinking lots of good, strong thoughts for you.
Is there any sort of support group that you can find where you live so you can meet other women in person going through this? Have you tried the Resolve website? There's a place on there where you can see if a local group exists in your area. Or does your RE have any resources like that? It helped me so much to find my yoga for fertility group. I don't want you to feel alone in this, so I'm just trying to give suggestions for ways you can find other women to connect with. (other than all of us awesome ladies who are here for you, of course
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@bluestriped bee: The fact that you squeal just thinking of already living close to home when the holidays come around, is a sign that you made the right decision
I think if you busy yourself with the job hunt, and the move details, and thinking about buying a house - there's just no room for baby fever! Enjoy the break and look forward to all of the good things coming your way.
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@Shutterbug: I finally remembered to ask him
We have a filter, but it's not a replaceable one. it's electrostatic. He said he will look into seeing if we can get an air purifying filter attachment. I have no idea what that means...
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@ineebee: I'm so sorry to hear this
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@alie: Day 39 already?! I thought you said your cycles usually last no longer than 35 days. You must be going crazy! Ugh - so sorry! I would be super annoyed too. That mildness business sucks too. Boy - I'm not helping here - I'm just joining in with you. Will your busy time at work help make June be here before you know it?
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@Mrs.Someone: Glad to hear you're still enjoying the Circle + Bloom meditations. They really helped me stay in a good frame of mind through this.
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@sweetooth: Thank you! Yes, there is a support group that meets right in my neighborhood once a month. I wanted to go last month but DH talked me out of it because he said it would make me too depressed before IVF. He did have only good intentions. I am definitely going next month, however, if this cycle is a bust. Thanks for the encouragement! I think it would really help for me to connect with other people in real life. Thank goodness I also have you ladies!
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@sweetooth: Ha, that's ok - I'd rather someone affirm that it sucks then try to sugar coat it for me!!
And yes, pre-clomid I was usually between 32-35 days at most; my first two clomid cycles were much shorter (27&29). Work will definitely help the time fly... starting in about two weeks I have events every single weekend now through mid-June! How are you doing??
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: Our air purifier is basically an electrostatic filter attached to the furnace, so maybe you already have one. Have you been shown how to clean it?
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@Mrs.Someone: I don't know how to, but he does & cleans it on a regular basis.
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@Mrs. Jump Rope: Ahh ok good. Then you could already be covered there. I probably wouldn't know to clean it if were weren't the ones to have installed in the first place.
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@bluestriped bee: are you relieved to be on a break? I felt much less stressed when we decided to stop trying temporarily. I hope you're feeling this way.
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@Mrs. Polish: I'm not sure if I'm relieved about taking an IF break but I'm relieved to not have to deal with a TWW and IUI stress.
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@bluestriped bee: that's the stress I'm talking about. Testing and counting days is awful.
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@Mrs. Polish: oh, yeah definitely! Not going to miss the symptom spotting and the billions of POASing I did.
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@raintreebee: I'm so glad to hear that there's a support group so close by! I'm sure it was the right move to take a break from them before you did IVF. But definitely go back if you feel that you need the support. The real life support is important.
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@raintreebee: BIIIIG HUGGG!!!! Keeping my fingers, toes, eyes, arms, legs, intestines - everything! - crossed for you for this Sunday!
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@raintreebee: I'm so sorry to hear you're having such an awful time. IVF/IF can be so lonely & not to mention stressful. It's a shame us girls here don't live closer for us to get together & you could vent your woes. Like some of the other girls said, perhaps the local group could be a good source of support. Good luck Sunday! Hoping you'll get an amazing birthday pressie! (that day is also my bday, small world).
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@raintreebee: What part of IVF do you feel was the hardest? Did you find that that 2WW (not really two weeks though) has been tough to get through? As it drags on I think it gets harder and harder to wait, and when you have that beta it will finally all be over one way or another - I think in your case it will be a happy beginning to another wait! You seem to have such good chances.
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@raintreebee: Happy Birthday early! Thinking of you & hoping you get wonderful news tomorrow!
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@ineebee: @LMOG47: @spaniellove: @kentuckygirl: Thank you sweet ladies! Feeling okay today. Just need to stick to my guns about not testing, which has turned out easier than expected because my fear is overcoming my curiousity! Need to think of things to do today to keep myself busy.
@spaniellove: I think its the fundamental uncertainty of it all that is the hardest for me. And the drugs do not interact well with my anxiety issues. That and not being able to run, have sex, drink wine--all my go-to stress relievers.
I am over the moon for you. Still can't get over it. Can't imagine how you must be feeling!
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@raintreebee: Happy early birthday! And fingers crossed for great news tomorrow! I'm hopping on a plane tomorrow for vacation and plan to unplug for a week - but I can't wait to hear how you're doing when I return!
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@sweetooth: Thank you! Enjoy Mexico!!!! It will be a dream.
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@raintreebee: The "can't's" and "don't's" and all the other things you're forced to do instead can really wear down on you and make you feel not like yourself. And you're totally onto something with the meds interacting with emotions. I felt that my letdown after the cycle was compounded by the huge drop in hormones. It's actually a great insight to recognize these things (even if you feel you can't do anything about it), because when it gets bad you don't have to feel like it's your fault.
Would it sound strange if I said I'm not feeling a whole lot right now? In my mind every so often I remember and think, oh yeah...what now? It's not the way I pictured it would be. Maybe if the betas are okay and things look up I'll eventually get excited? Honestly when I write this I feel like it's happening to someone else still because I'm so used to it always being someone else.
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@spaniellove: how your feeling makes total sense to me. It probably won't feel real until you get your beta. I will be sending you good vibes on Monday.
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@spaniellove: thank you for your words. Makes me feel less alone and crazy! and how you are feeling makes total sense to me too. I can't fathom being pregnant. I just assume on some emotional (not rational) level that it isn't in the cards. And I am sure you felt that too to some degree just a day ago. You will grow into your new totally awesome reality slowly but surely.
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@raintreebee: Good luck today & Happy Birthday!
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@raintreebee: Thinking of you today! Lots of luck and happy birthday!
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@raintreebee: Happy Birthday and good luck with your beta today! FX
@spaniellove: @Mrs. Polish: As far as why I was questioning IUI the other day is based on reading I have done on endometriosis the rates of success are only around 5% and most stories I have read they have to move to IVF. I was just generally feeling down though.
As for me I am at the clinic now waiting to have my IUI. I am a little concerned that I have already ovulated since my temp was up to post o levels this morning even though they triggered yesterday around 10am. Will have to wait and see what the doctor says.
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@mrswin: Hmm...maybe they'll do an u/s before the IUI to see if your follicles are still there, but even if you've already ovulated the timing may be okay. I think with IUI the timing doesn't need to be as exact as with IVF so you have more of a window and can even go home and BD. I hope it all goes well and and this is all you need!
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@mrswin: good luck today! Thinking lots of baby thoughts for you.
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@mrs.win: @raintreebee: Good luck to you both today!
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@raintreebee: good luck today! And happy birthday!!
@mrswin: good luck with your IUI! I think marionberry had her IUI a bit after she ovulated and it was successful
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@raintreebee: Happy Birthday! Good luck today!
@mrswin: I hope your IUI went well!!
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@spaniellove: @Mrs. Polish: @Suzimo: @Shutterbug: @twodoghouse: Thanks ladies!
I am at home lying down now. The verdict is that I didn't seem to respond to the Femera this cycle. I only had one follicle (28 mm!!) and my estrogen is really high after triggering yesterday at CD9. I am waiting for a call back but I am pretty sure that I am not going for another IUI tomorrow (my clinic usually does back-to-back) as the timing was off, so we are just going to BD tonight and tomorrow instead. The doctor agreed to give me progesterone after I reminding him that I get cramping starting usually 8-9DPO. I go back for my beta on the 21st.
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@mrswin: Sorry to hear it didn't go as well as you hoped. But it sounds like there is definitely still a chance, especially if you go ahead and BD anyway! BTW, I didn't realize cramping at 8-9dpo is an issue if there is no spotting? I had that this cycle too, so now I'm wondering about it.
As for me, I'm back here on CD1, and AF is rough this month. Emotionally I'm OK though. I'd of course take a baby any time I can get it, but December wouldn't be my top pick.
DH and I talked about what to do next. He is skeptical about all the natural methods I've been trying and thinks we should just go to a traditional RE. I want to give my naturopath a shot for a few months (have been following my acupuncturist's recommendations instead). I'm going to stop with the herbs too (stopped acupuncture a month ago, though I intended to go back). I realized that I've been getting sick at the same point in the TWW for 3/5 months I've been on the herbs. The other 2 months were different formulas, so I think it has something to do with it. Hoping for good luck soon, I really don't want to have to go to a traditional RE.
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