cantaloupe / 6869 posts
It is an expectation of ours that our children will pursue some kind of post-secondary degree. I work in higher education and both my husband and I have advanced degrees. Education is very important to us and I think that getting at least a Bachelor's degree will afford our children greater opportunities in life than not doing so.
honeydew / 7586 posts
I will encourage my son to go to college, and will guide him as best I can, but it is in no way a "non-negotiable." I don't really understand how one could make it non-negotiable. At 18-years-old you are considered an adult so I'm not even sure how you could force a college education.
We will raise LO stressing the value of a good education and trust that he will make an informed choice that he feels is best for him.
pomelo / 5093 posts
@prettylizy: Woah, that honestly concerns me. As a stay at home mother, paying my student loans every month can be a drag - but really, I wonder if those women plan to be stay at home mothers their ENTIRE lives? I worry about them getting into a situation (death of a spouse, divorce, loss of job) where they would need to contribute to their household income. That seems like very poor planning to me. I always planned to be a stay at home mom for a few years, but never for the rest of my life. I plan to put my degree to use soon, now that my daughter is a little older.
If my daughter wanted to be a stay at home parent, I would very much support that - but I'd still encourage her to pursue some kind of trade. Something like ultrasound tech - that's a one year degree (I think?), and the resulting jobs can pay very decently. Or anything along those lines - but just to have *something* to fall back on.
squash / 13208 posts
No it wont be pushed but will be recommended!
I agree that in this day and age a degree (ANY degree) can get your foot in the door of employment.
Or like others have mentioned a trade school or maybe even join the military?
cantaloupe / 6869 posts
@RLCeigh: Totally agree! And people in financial aid are awesome. I practically lived in the financial aid office in college and they were some of the nicest people on campus.
pomegranate / 3003 posts
I'd strongly, strongly prefer that my daughter go to college, but in the end, the decision is up to her. I will do all I can to advocate, expose, and stress the importance of a post-secondary education, and plan on saving funds to assist in her endeavors. However, I genuinely just want her to happy, and at peace with her life. We will support her dreams, regardless.
cherry / 155 posts
@MrsKoala: Fa real? Thanks! We usually get a bad rap since the forms are often confusing and we have deadlines and wish we had enough money to fully fund every student. But alas...I think we are pretty nice.
And I do agree with everyone- we all want the best for our children. I think if you set expectations, kids are really happy to live up to them. My husband didn't complete his undergrad degree until his late (late) 20's. And now he has a master's degree from his dream school and he is so proud. It may not match our living room decor, but his degree is framed and hung up in the most prominent place and I hope my LO feels just as proud some day.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Yes.
While it is a piece of paper that gets you in the doors for many job fields, for me it has a cultural tie as well.
My parents sacrificed everything in their home country for me to come to the US to have the access (albeit not free) to higher education. I've always loved learning and I'd be a full-time student if $$ allowed it! I want them to love learning like I do--
I am partially through my masters, and DH completed his-- formal education is really important to us and a huge part of who we are as adults so we want our kids to experience the same thing.
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
I'd like them to, but if they find an awesome opportunity to succeed in life that doesn't require higher education, I'd be okay with that.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
@littlek: lol! E gets all fussed if she has ANY dirt on her hands and immediately looks for something to wipe them on... GF is not going to be getting dirty in her future
@MsLipGloss:No I haven't, but I love me some Cosby show!
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I will not "require" our children to go to a 4 year university, I went to a 2 year college to start and then ended up finishing up at a 4 year college to get my BS. I know several very successful people I went to college wtih who only completed the 2 year trade school degree, and they are very financially stable. I will support whatever our children decide as long as they have a plan that will provide for them financially.
grapefruit / 4311 posts
I agree with those that have said some sort of secondary education is necessary, but not traditional 4 year college. I am a first generation college grad in my family. I have been surrounded by many examples of family members who have made great careers for themselves despite not going to college bc they are hard working, motivated, and develop skills. My BIL owns his own mechanic shop, my sister was a district manager in retail, my brother manages a butcher dept in grocery store, my dad did well as an electrician and in factory management.
For me college was the right choice, but I think it's absurd to waste money for a degree if you don't plan on using it. There are so many other ways to learn, grow, gain skills, and be successful.
grapefruit / 4800 posts
We'll def encourage but I don't know how you force an 18 year old to go to college.
blogger / pineapple / 12381 posts
@Maysprout: I don't think you can force an 18 year old to go to college. I do think that you can encourage your kids from an early age in such a way that it is just something they feel is expected of them and that there really isn't an alternative in their minds. (long before they turn 18)
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
@runnerd: I see a lot of the same people around me! Very successful hard working people who have made great careers and lives for themselves without needing post-secondary education. I also see a lot of university educated people without jobs or unwilling to start at the bottom and work their way up and it makes me crazy!
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
We don't really plan on college being optional. It'll be a "when you go to college" thing in our house. And I'd be surprised if our LO (both Dh and I are engineers, using our degrees, i have my masters and dh will have his soon) doesn't choose higher education, based on how she will be raised. She'll be presented with a strong example of what it does for you, in our house.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: I agree totally. I lived at home until I was 22, and my dad still ruled the roost. If he told me I couldn't go out until I finished xyz chores around the house, I just couldn't. I was still being grounded in my 20s for failing to comply with his house rules. This baffled my now husband at the time. He would say "Just say no to him"... but I couldn't! lol!
grapefruit / 4800 posts
@Mrs. Jacks: @prettylizy: I think it's a good idea to encourage from an early age, I just don't think it's a guarantee it'll get the intended results. It's of course more likely to get the intended results then if college is poo poo'd but kids are their own entities with their own ideas and I'm sure they'll consider alternatives to college. I'd be a little skeptical if my kids didn't consider alternatives and just still automatically deferred to my thinking at age 18.
nectarine / 2054 posts
College definitely won't be optional for us, it's just another part of LO's education (just like high school isn't optional). I agree with @Blackbird: on this. We certainly won't force LO to go to the colleges we went to, but regardless of what he decides to do with his life, it's an important and formative 4 years, one that I wouldn't want him to miss out on.
pomelo / 5178 posts
Like @Mrs. Jacks: we expect our kids to complete schooling to the highest level capable. I believe that as we move from industrialization to an information age, post-secondary education is going to become more and more central to later achievements. I expect that my kids will do as much school as possible so they can have the best chance at success.
GOLD / papaya / 10206 posts
@sarac: I can't answer that question because I honestly don't know. I was just echoing what I've read more than one person post in the past on the boards.
GOLD / squash / 13576 posts
@Honeybee: So, true. My husband is saying that all the time. He thinks in the future a 4 year degree will be standard and master/graduate degrees will be a necessity. *** Note this is DHs opinion.. Please don't write mean things to me
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@Maysprout: I grew up not considering any alternatives to college and I was definitely thinking for myself. In my family, and honestly pretty much in my entire social circle, education is not complete without college. It just isn't done. I have cousins who are professional footballers and a couple who are models but everyone still went to college.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@littlek: I think the same...especially since the rest of the world views an undergraduate degree is pretty much SOP.
honeydew / 7504 posts
It would totally depend on his chosen field, but I think we would require some kind of post-secondary education. For example, if he wanted to be a chef, I wouldn't make him go to a 4-year college, but I'd encourage him to go to culinary school.
eggplant / 11824 posts
@littlek: I agree with your husband.
The good jobs of the old days are so few compared to what was available to someone with no higher education a generation ago. We also compete globally like never before. My husband and I both see education, especially specialized and advanced education as essential.
nectarine / 2220 posts
DH and I both have degrees, and most of DH's family has a bachelor's degree if not a Masters/PhD, so I'd imagine it will be highly encouraged. I'd be open to a trade, but I still consider that post secondary education, and would probably also encourage some sort of business classes so they can run their own plumbing company or whatever down the road, and maybe even step away from the physical component of the job if it ever became too hard on the body.
cantaloupe / 6171 posts
@mrsjyw: yes to what you wrote about the cultural tie to education! education for education's sake has been such a motivating force in my family. I'm not a first generation immigrant like you wrote about, but my grandfather was--he wasn't able to graduate from high school because it was the Depression and he needed to get a job to support his family after his father died, but he still instilled a huge love of learning for my dad, who ended up getting a phd. both my parents have advanced degrees and fostered a love of learning in our home--and both my brother and I went on to higher ed as well. I just can't even imagine really not passing on my love of learning down to my children. I mean, I know it's possible--dh's sister is 25 and hasn't finished her AA, and my in-laws and dh all higher advanced degrees...but still, I just feel like it's so much a part of who I am that I hope it's passed on
pomegranate / 3890 posts
@Beehive: question for those of you who say that college will be expected or not optional: how do you plan to enforce that once your child is over 18? say that they have no desire/want to go? Genuinely curious, not trying to start anything
nectarine / 2054 posts
@stargal: I'm hoping that it won't be a matter of enforcing, rather will just be a foregone conclusion. When I was growing up, I never knew that I could *not* go to college - it was just the next thing you did after high school.
coconut / 8430 posts
It will be expected in our home. Even if she wants to do something that doesn't require a degree, I think having one opens so many doors.
coconut / 8430 posts
@stargal: I looked forward to it! It was the next thing you did after high school and I never considered not going or even not finishing.
pomegranate / 3895 posts
DH and I both work in higher ed, so it's something we're pretty passionate about and I would be lying if I said there wasn't an expectation for DD to go to university.
IMO, post-secondary education is about more than getting a job. Its value is inherent. I am who I am today because of the experiences I had during university and grad school. It shaped me in huge ways that have to do with much more than my career path. I hope DD chooses to have those experiences as well.
If she is adamant that university isn't for her then I will do my best to respect that. I do hope though that she will take some time to educate herself further even if it isn't formally - travelling, and/or volunteering are examples of other pursuits that have incredible educational value.
GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts
@stargal: Similar to @Beehive:, it should be what LO envisions for herself such that no *enforcement* is required. I know that this will sound bad, but I will put this out there nonetheless . . . For us, I can't think of a single person we know (outside of our family) and interact with regularly/socially who doesn't have a college degree. Not having a degree will very likely not be in the scope of LO's realm of possibilities.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
@littlek, my industry is already there. A bachelors is not enough for the vast majority of people we are hiring. All of our recent new hires have masters degrees
nectarine / 2973 posts
I feel like the odd one out here but I'm more for encouraging my child(and hopefully future children) to do what they want. College isn't for everyone(it wasn't for me!)
persimmon / 1361 posts
I grew up in a household where I didn't really consider whether or not I would go to college, but where. It wasn't presented as a choice and it didn't occur to me that I could choose not to go. I was kind of a bookworm and was fine with that. As others have stated, its just the culture of my family, including my extended family. I hope my kids will be the same. I want my children to attend college. It does so much for you, even outside of career and finances. Plus, those were some of my favorite years and I would hate for my children to miss out on that experience. Of course, I do realize they are technically adults (although this 32-year-old woman has a lot of difficulty seeing an 18-year-old as an adult) and I cannot force them to go. I would strongly encourage them, but in the end, the choice is theirs to make.
pomegranate / 3890 posts
@Beehive: @MsLipGloss: @sunny: thanks for explaining it! Around here most people go to college, pretty much the way you guys described it but I guess I was always aware that there were other options out there too. still glad I went to college (Still a student though, almost done with my bachelor's!) Regardless, I just want my kid to do something that makes him happy and pay his bills College will def help him with that if he chooses to go! ultimately I will encourage it but he needs ot make it on his own, nothing worse then a kid being in college who doesn't want to be there. I've seen that happen to many times.
pomelo / 5178 posts
@stargal: A friend once told me that you don't have to enforce expectations. In reality, if my kids decided not to continue their education after high school, I couldn't force them, but we also wouldn't be financially supporting them. So I guess there is a financial incentive for them, as well.
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