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Depends on the kid... DH is adamant about this because of his experience with his younger brother. DH has a masters degree and always excelled scholastically. His brother on the other hand has serious learning difficulties along with dyslexia so school was always hard for him. DH said they should have put him in a track school for a trade to help him become more successful. He i now excelling as a Porsche mechanic but its taken him awhile to get there.
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@Honeybee: I just worry about these expectations leading to pressuring these kids and that they go to college for the wrong reasons, or choose a major because their parents wanted them to. I tend to overthink things sometimes. Its the worrier in me. i would say though that most times, these days, kids want to go to college because they see the opportunity is there and it is the next logical step after high school, which is great!
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@stargal: I get those worries! I think it's important to take your individual child's abilities into the equation, which is why I say our kids will attend only to the exhaustion of their capabilities. My kids might not go as far as my husband and I have (grad degrees) and that's ok. They might have other interests than traditional schooling covers, and that ok, too. But it is expected they'll do something to further their education and skills, regardless of where that education takes place (4 year college, junior/community college, trade school, apprenticeship, etc...).
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I don't think it's a must, no. Not all people fit into one mold, and I truly believe not all people are meant to go to college.
We will absolutely encourage our children to pursue post-secondary education, but will fully recognize that post-secondary education does not exclusively mean "4 year undergraduate degree with the expectation to pursue an advanced degree."
Post-secondary education could mean going to a trade school, completing a certification program, doing an apprenticeship, etc.
I will expect my children to have a goal for their futures and to formulate a plan for how they will achieve that goal, but I won't tell them there's only one way to do it.
If they don't have a recognized passion by the time they graduate high school, we'll encourage them to take courses at a community college to get a feel for what they might be interested in, while also working to get experience. If they do have a solid idea about the direction they are headed in, we will support them and help them in whatever way we can, whether that be financially to get a 4-year degree, or helping them choose the right trade program.
Rather than raise them to believe the ONLY choice is a 4-year college, we plan to teach them about the job market, the world, and help them understand the realities they may face in any situation - from racking up debt receiving a degree that they may never use, to having to work their asses off in a chosen industry to get ahead and prove themselves as leaders.
I'd rather have a fully-informed child (not really at child at 18, of course) capable of making a smart decision than a child with a very narrow vision about what their future is "allowed" to look like.
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I personally believe you get to raise your children until they are 18 years old. At that point they are expected to act and make choices for themselves as adults. If my children want to go to college I encourage that. If they want to learn a trade, I encourage that. If they want to work at McDonalds, I encourage that too...BUT I do not plan to support my children as adults in school or in their day to day living expenses. I think our society has a problem letting kids leave the nest and as a result we have a lot of immature adults in our society. I plan to raise my kids to make good choices and to understand that they will have to find a way to make their path in life. I will be here for advice if they want it, but making life easy for them is not my job as a parent. Maybe they won't have the nicest house or a fancy car to start but if it's important they will work for those things and they will have more appreciation for those things once they are earned.
I have a BS and MS degree and choose to stay at home even though I had the larger salary than my husband. I went to school on scholarship so thankfully I didn't have to carry a bunch of debt once I graduated. I worked my butt off to graduate early and got a great job while in school. I completed my masters while working fulltime. I did all of this while living on my own, driving a beater car and saving as much money as I possibly could. I've never splurged on clothes, cars, vacation because they aren't important to me. I saved every dollar I could with the plans of becoming a stay at home mom some day (which I would never do without some kind of financial cushion).
My husband works in an industry where he does not need a degree, but he does have a BT. He graduated with a significant portion of debt that we paid off during the first year we were married. It is one of the things he's most proud of.
I don't think paying for my children's education will put them any further ahead in a successful life. I believe hard work pays off. Maybe paying would make it easier for them, but I don't believe that what is easiest for my kids is what is best for them.
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@Beyond2: Hard work does pay off! You are so right about that.
It was just so much harder for me to get where I got having to do it all myself. I had to give up on some dreams in order to focus on attainable ones. Becoming a surgeon wouldn't have been an option for me because I needed to get out and make a living. I couldn't be in training any longer since I was drowning in debt.
I'm not bitter. I'm really proud of myself. But it's so much harder to get where you are going without a leg up. The bootstrap mythology is possible, but why make it a heck of a lot harder on my kids when I don't have to? Who knows what they can achieve if I give them that leg up. Maybe one will be an astronaut or an astrophysicist or a surgeon or a biomechanical engineer or even a poet or playwrite. These would have all been extremely hard for me to achieve with the deck stacked the way it was for me.
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I would hope my son would get a full scholarship to a university and get an amazing high end job with a huge salary so he doesn't have to struggle like we are...but at the same time, DH and I both have jobs we like and can earn promotions in and are happy. All I hope for him is to get a career that he can climb the ladder in and support his family. DH has a degree that would cost him a major pay cut if he looked for a job in his field, vs his high school diploma requiring job he has now that he can move up through the ranks in.
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@IRunForFun: This
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@IRunForFun: @Beyond2: +1 to both of you for expressing the thoughts I'm too lazy to type up
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As a high school teacher I have to say that my thoughts on this have changed dramatically in the past 7 years. When I was at University, I always thought that I would make it a non-negotiable for my kids to go as well. I had an AMAZING experience in both undergrad and post-grad, and I wanted my children to have the same.
As I got to know my students, especially those in Year 12 who were heading out into the world, I realised that University truly is not for everyone. I saw many students flunk out of first year or waste time and money because University was never a good fit for them, but their parents insisted on them going.
I think the world is a strange place right now. People can make A LOT of money without a degree, and the variety of jobs/careers available is always increasing.
All of this to say, I hope that my children grow up with a thirst for knowledge and pursue what they want to - whether that means travelling the world, or working as an apprentice, or going to University, or any one of a million options.
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@Beyond2: I was also going to make the point that hard work = appreciation, but I didn't want to get into a debate about entitlement.
I definitely think that parents wanting to assist their children financially is admirable and, if the parents are able to do that without hindering their own financial status, more power to them.
On the other hand, I also think that if children know they are not going to need to help pay their way through college, they may not take it as seriously as they would otherwise. Personally, if I have to pay for something, I make damn sure I get my money's worth, and I do think that translates into things like receiving a higher education. Think about it...a kid probably wouldn't want to squander, say $120k of their own money, and I sure as heck don't want a kid squandering $120k of mine. I think without some sort of tangible evidence of how much is being put into their education, it's hard for kids to really appreciate the opportunity they're being given, and easy for them to take it for granted.
Scholarship students are some of the hardest-working students out there, and on the flipside, if a kid knows he/she isn't getting a "free ride" he/she may be more likely to work hard to get the scholarship in the first place.
I do think we are seeing a huge increase in students taking higher education for granted, then coming out of college in no way equipped to deal with the "real world."
They've got to learn to be responsible for themselves and the trajectory of their lives at some point! For us, if our children do decide they want to go to college, we will likely agree to pay for a portion and ask them to help pay for the rest, unless they receive a scholarship.
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@IRunForFun: @Beyond2: @ScarletBegonia: This is what I was trying to say.... you ladies said it much better!
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Nope. My children can make the choice if they want to continue their education after high school or not. I went to college, decided it wasn't for me then went to a trade school and I'm now a stay at home mom and 15k in debt from student loans. As long as my kids are happy and making good choices I am there to support them all the way. School isn't for everyone!
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I will say yes, it will be an expectation and a must. If they want to do something after college that does not require a degree, that is perfectly fine and I will support it. However, at some point down the road if they so choose that career path doesn't work out, I want them to have something to fall back on.
My brother took 7 years to finish college and has a great career working for UPS, not using his degree. I am so proud of him, but in case he ever gets tired of working for UPS it is comforting knowing he has other options because he has a college degree.
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DH thinks it's a must and really, I do too.
On the other hand, DH didn't go to college but became an engineer through 4 years of training at his job and tons of hours put in. My sister has her masters which can't get her a job right now and if it can, it's extremely low paying. So, there's that. For us, college isn't just about a job though. It's about finding yourself, becoming self-motivated and creating opportunity. I want that for my LO's.
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@prettylizy: I share your thoughts on education! Dh and I both went to college but we don't expect our lo(s) to if there is something else that they are pursuing...
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definitely not. i have a bachelors degree that I (we) will eventually pay NZ$25k for (thank you interest free govt loans!) and I have yet to use it. DH went to school for a few years on scholarship, but never graduated. he taught himself how to program and now he has an amazing job.
if my kids want to go to college that's fine, but they're going to have to work for it. I'm not going to pay their way through their adult life. DH and I do hope to be able to help them out where we can, but currently we do not plan on having "college funds" set up for any of our children.
@IRunForFun: @Beyond2: basically this. thanks for saying what my scrambled brain didn't know how to say in less than a basquillion words!!
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Times are changing rapidly and our kids will complete with a global economy and workforce, more so than we already are. I feel like a college education will almost be mandatory to compete with foreign talent or skills in 15-20 years. I went to a gifted and talented meeting for my cousin 2 weeks ago since his parents were busy and Google did this study that showed China and India being very strong in studying math, science, technology and English. It's scary when the stats were right in front of me that these emerging economies might surpass the U.S. if we don't do anything about it. If we don't enforce higher education for our kids, companies will hire skilled individuals from abroad. They are doing it right now even.
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We will highly encourage it. In the end, it'll be our kid(s) decision, but we intend to raise her understanding the importance of education. I say that although I'm currently a SAHM, but if my life was flipped over, I will always have a degree to fall back on.
DH has a master's degree and I have a bachelor's, but it works out to about the same amount of education.
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I read most replies, but not all. One thing that has not been touched, but also shapes why I want my own child to attend college is the fact it's FUN!
College is a cacoon. A nice bridge from childhood into adulthood where people learn about themselves and test their own boundaries. Students do this in a relatively safe environment. I want my children to have the away school college experience.
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