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a lot of that sounds like our old daycare. i was happy with the daycare overall, but hated drop off but it was always chaotic. our new daycare/preschool has only one classroom and even though there are still floaters, one of the 2 primary teachers are usually always there and since there is only class, there is no more shuffling around to other classes at the beginning or end of day - it has made a HUGE difference for the better......that being said, we only switched because we moved. i was happy with the other centre overall because i did feel like they cared, i just didn't love the beginning and end of day organization but i figured that's how it had to be. our ratio was 1:6 i believe as well. in preschool, it is 1:8, but still better being one classroom total.

eta. i might also give it some time. even with our new preschool, they warned us in september that a bunch of new kids would be starting and things might be more chaotic for a couple of weeks until everyone is settled. so with 4 new kids starting, it might just take a few weeks for things to seem calmer/more organized and that both you and your kid get a sense of routine and familiarity etc.

eta2. a big part of how i got the sense they cared was based on the fact that DS liked being there. he had his favorite teachers and friends and i saw some interaction going on at the beginning and end when we dropped him off and picked him up, so i could tell he was happy overall. because drop off was often difficult (though not always, we had good days too), i made the effort to stay until he was settled. it was easier on days when a teacher he preferred was there, but neither me or DH minded putting in extra time to help transition him. we both can't handle leaving him crying, no matter how much teachers tell us it is normal and that he is fine after we leave. I really liked the director too, that was a big factor. she was accessible, easy to talk to, and always made herself available. it was easier to talk to her because she not was taking care of a classroom at the same time. so maybe you could start by talking to the director about your concerns?

Sounds pretty much like my DD's daycare...and we're in Ohio too! I think it's pretty normal for a large daycare center. I really like the teachers but yes, it's frustrating that you can't talk to the teacher at pick up about how the day has went since she's only with the kids for a few hours.

I think if you're really frustrated with the milk situation, you need to bring it up to the director and she/he will ensure the staff gets the message.

It is common in large centres to combine classrooms. DS is in a large centre and all of the kids are in one room in the early mornings and late afternoons. During naptime, the kids who don't take the big group nap hang out in the playroom, and it's supervised by part-time teachers and students. I actually like that they do that because they get to know the different caregivers. The ratio for the pretoddler room (18-24 months) is 1:3.5 -- there are usually 2 teachers in the one classroom of 7. DS is in the infant room (<18 months) where the ratio is 1:3. DS does really well with the changing caregivers, but i know that DD would have done horribly!!

It is totally normal to feel frustrated in the beginning, especially after being at home with your kid for so long. For a month i was really upset because it seemed like one caregiver only gave one specific kid attention, and DS was having such a hard time transitioning. But i realized it didn't matter because there were other caregivers there who were so awesome with him, and eventually things were good. We had some struggles with naps because i wanted him down within 3 hours, but it was a lot more difficult for them to do it that way. They now just put him down when he's tired, and even though it may mean a late 2nd nap, it's better than just forcing one nap on him.

Anyways, one thing i did was leave sticky notes or give a quick call in the mornings that DH does the drop off. Communication has gotten a lot better and i'm super happy now. The caregivers all talk about him affectionately, so i'm comforted in knowing they really care about him.

I think that if you still feel this way after 1 month, perhaps you need to start looking elsewhere. Sorry it's been so frustrating - i hope things change soon.

(Also, sorry for the novel)

@Mae: do you provide the cups? If so, I'd write in sharpie on them "no milk, water only please!"

I'm in a smallish daycare, and they do some of the things you've listed (switching up teachers at the end of the day, sometimes ending up in different rooms) but only rarely did I see someone who had no clue how she did that day. Hope you find a better fit soon!

Just wanted to encourage you I was really overwhelmed by my dsughter's similar daycare setup, especially because she's only there 2 days a week. But she's 28 months old and has been there 5 months and really loves it. I do drop off so the only teacher I even know is the early morning one, but my daughter will tell me at the end of the day what teachers she had and what they did that day. It doesn't phase her at all to be bounced around so much.

My daughter has been going to a preschool/daycare for about a year 2x a week. The shuffling thing is normal and I know that if I want to talk to a teacher about a particular issue, I need to do it in the morning because we almost never pick up in time to talk to her two regular teachers. Any instructions I would give them in the morning and chat with them about over and over as needed.

I do feel like they care for her though and coming from her being home with me for 2 years, I was probably more chatty than other parents in the beginning! Now unless there is a question or issue, drop off and pick up are seamless and I don't need a lot of info besides the little sheets and mostly now I just glance at her nap and how much she ate and toss it.

Hope you can make it work or find something that works better for your fam!

My son also began attending daycare at around that age (officially it was 24 months, but still) where he'd been at home with me and I literally didn't know what to expect. It seemed like a total sh*show when I would go into the classroom, after all, getting two year olds to do anything as a group is like herding cats. So, I called the director, A LOT. She and I were literally on the phone at least once a week, per her request, to make sure *I* was okay with the transition.

What's the director like, do you feel comfortable calling to check in?

All of it seems pretty normal to me, except for the communication. My suggestion is to make your own note and actually stick that sucker onto an area the teachers see/place for announcements. Other parents may even follow suit. It will force them to implement a better system!

The moving rooms and sometimes switching teachers doesn't bother me at all because our preschool has an open-door policy with the other room/class. I think it promotes a more flexible environment and mixing things up (to an extent) can help the kiddos.

@Mae: Most of this sounds normal, except the lack of communication. I mean, our day care also never tells us how DS's day went, but he does have a couple main teachers. If let's say he needed to be on a diet for a day because he had an upset tummy, and no one could remember that, I'd be looking elsewhere.

Does your LO like it? I was freaking out about many of these things when DS started day care, and then he started to talk and it turned out he loves, loves, loves day care abd has great buddies there. And it gets easier when they're more verbal and you know some of the parents and can compare notes with them.

@Mae: Someone already suggested this I think, but put a note on the actual sippy cup about offering water if she doesn't want milk. If I want them to remember something new about a particular food item or my son's water or milk, I have to put the note on the cup that goes in the fridge. They'll remember after a few days.

I have to say that most of this sounds normal to me. My DD is in daycare at an inhome and the ratio is 1:8, can only be 2 under 2. And I had a hard time not knowing everything about DD"s day. However, I am type A and a control freak so I had to step back and really accept the situation. My DD was fed, safe, happy, cared for and that is what mattered. Knowing exactly what she ate for lunch and how much she drank or how many dirty diapers she had wasn't necessary. Is it nice to have that info, of course but not necessity.

Sounds normal for a center. The reason we chose in home care was so that our daughter would be cared for by and develop an attachment to one provider. We've had an incredible experience there, and really felt like my daughter received individual care that was tailored to her needs and development. Its not possible for a center to provide that level of care and attentiveness, simply given the large number of children the teachers have to care for.

Might be something to look into.

My kids go to a Montessori school with about ~120 kids (infants through age 6). They do shift kids around for before-school and after-school and have some floating teachers for lunch-breaks, but the kids always have at least one familiar teacher. They also over-staff: they generally maintain 1:4 for the toddler room, although state requirements are 1:6 for that age. The over-staffing also allows them to work with kids who are struggling. (My son was upset the first few times that the music teacher came, because he wasn't used to a new face in the room. But one of the familiar teachers could just sit and snuggle with him until he was ready to rejoin the group.) I'm comfortable with the staff rotation, because it seems to be fine for our kids but also gives the caregivers a break during the day from a very intense job.

I've also been very happy with communication. Our take-home notes include comments that always make me feel like I know a lot about his day, and we generally have an opportunity to talk with one of his main teachers at pick-up. (And we can always be connected to a teacher in his room if requested.)

We once expressed a concern about our toddler's care (when his regular teachers were out due illness and vacation) and his head teacher scheduled a meeting with us as soon as possible and addressed our concerns.

I believe that what you are experiencing may be typical, but I would also be concerned in your shoes. Trying to set up a meeting with the teachers and/or director would certainly be my first step. (Either to make changes or to help me get a different perspective.)

My LO1 has been in a large center daycare since 8 months old. My LO2 will start at the same center at the same age.

You have some legit concerns. Since your LO is new and unfortunately her main teachers are not there at pick up, I think you should be able to call near the middle/end of the day and speak with one of her main teachers to see how she is doing. I wouldn't plan on contuining this forever, but as a new student I think it's reasonable. We are always able to speak with at least one of the main teachers at pick up.

They should definitely be offering water if milk is refused, esp if you've asked. That seems odd to me. This is worth speaking to the teachers about again, and then the director if the issue continues. I agree with prior posters that there is no harm in them offering her milk - you would be surprised what little ones are willing to do for others and with their peers, but would never do for you at home. But they should obviously give her water if she refuses or you ask.

A lot of your stress, however, I think boils down to you needing to relinquish a lot of control, which is hard. I do not know every detail of my sons day, but I know what he ate, what he drank, how he slept. I can know more if I ask, but no longer feel that I need to really. He receives excellent, loving care. He does not receive suboptimal care. You may need to get used to the idea that just bc its not the way you would do things, doesn't mean it's wrong or suboptimal - just different. My kid is thriving. He is loved and known by all the teachers, not just his main ones. He learns new songs, does art projects daily, takes a music class, plays with his friends, etc. I agree that to suggest that all daycare centers equate to suboptimal care for your child is a bit insulting to those of us who have chosen it as child care. If after some time you still feel that way, you should change centers bc that's not true for all centers. But I think first both yourself and your LO need some time to adjust.

This sounds sort of like our experience so far with daycare (we're a week in and DD is 12 months). I am disappointed for the same reasons, I have high expectations for the sort of care DD receives and that I provided to her for the past year while I was home.

My big concerns are that I was expect more/detailed communication. My strategy is to give them the benefit of the doubt and raise my concerns and give them a chance to address them. I don't know what will come of it, but for me to feel good as a Momma, I have to. And the only thing that may happen is that my expectations may need to adjust but it's worth my effort! Hugs! I'm right there with you and sort of feel stuck and don't know what to do and I hate that.

@Mae: do you send her with milk? I'd just start sending her only with water.

We use a small home daycare so I don't have any insight for you but just wanted to say that sounds really hard and I hope you're able to find a solution so everyone is happier. It's really hard to put so much trust in daycare providers and they don't seem to be doing much to build that trust with you

@Mae: I am sure you have gotten a ton of good advice, and I have to be honest that I haven't read the comments...so I apologize if this is repetitive.

As someone who worked in a center, and who just picked a center for my kids, "total shitshow" would be my red flag and would cause me to hit the road. I know it can be "normal", but for me the level of chaos is indicative of SO much. When we picked a school it was the very first thing I looked for, and probably the most important thing to me, tbh. If there is chaos there is a LOT of margin for error, and with that many little people, even a little error can be a disaster. Not to mention that the quality of interaction between teacher/kids is far lower, because the teachers are just trying to keep their heads above water. The lack of communication is spillover from the chaos...your brain can only hold so much info, and while super important to your family, whether or not she drinks milk or water probably falls to the bottom of the priority list because it isn't life threatening (as it would be if it was an allergy). Yes, anytime you have that many little people in one place there is a lot of activity. But it doesn't have to be chaotic. I toured one (very well respected and expensive) school that was this way. I could tell just from my 15 minute tour that the school must constantly be chaos. I walked out and never looked back.

If you think that much of the day is chaos like that, I might check out some other programs. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Even if this is "normal", it really could be better. I think you are completely valid to not trust them, and it sure makes it hard to leave your baby somewhere if there isn't 100% trust.

@Mae: what you are describing to me wouldn't make me happy, either. It reminds me of the first center LO1 went to from 6-12 months old. It was so convenient, but little things kept happening over and over and it doesn't engender a lot of confidence in your child's daycare when you have to ride the teachers and director on things that should be a given. But like you, I was conflicted because I had two friends whose babies were in the exact same class, and they seemed to really like it there.

Things that were a problem for me: Teachers didn't even ATTEMPT a quiet or dark nap time for babies. It was just full on bright fluorescent lighting and teachers talking super loudly all day long--and no surprise, LO never slept. Like ever. And then once I picked her up and her sheet said she'd had two of the three bottles but I went to the fridge and 2 of her bottles were still there! So I had to make a HUGE STINK because no one could tell me if they just didn't feed my baby (and marked it), or if they fed her someone else's bottles (with who knows what in it--she was MSPI). I was SOOO angry, and it was all because they also had floaters and they moved teachers around and they couldn't keep track of what kid had eaten when. So my 6 months old (who wasn't eating solids) had had ONE bottle from 8 am to 4 pm. ONE. I was livid. There were other "small" things, but they just cropped up weekly.

It just wasn't a good fit--I switched LO for the next school year and it was like night and day. It's still a large center, and there is a good amount of teacher turnover, but it's wayyyyy better than the first place we tried, and it's much cheaper, too.

@Mae: I meant to write yesterday. Yes, my kiddo is in daycare. Granted, it's not a center. It's a small school, in a house setting (but it's not someone's home, if that makes sense).

It took us awhile to find a school we are happy with & totally trust. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's so hard. I hope you work it out, or find a new place you love!!