My son is starting kindergarten in the fall. We'd really like him to attend our neighborhood public school. The problem is that they start at 8:00am and don't have before care and I have to get to work at 7:30am. We have one car, and my husband could theoretically walk him every day, but it's a mile away. One of my son's closest friends from nursery school will be attending the school and I was thinking of asking his parents if I could drop my son off with them at 7:00am and they could drive him to school. However, this seems to me like this might be way too big of an imposition. I'm a teacher so my school day ends early so I could pick up her son daily. What do you think?
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I think it is. Once in a while (like 1x a month or less) I could see that being ok and helping out a friend, but to have to deal with the morning rush for a full hour with an extra kid is way too much.
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Agree with above, would you be willing to pay? Maybe that would be more enticing?
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My gut is also that I wouldn’t want to do it. The hour before our 7:40 dropoff is mostly insane (may also depend on whether the family has other kids? That adds to my crazy). I think if you do it either a) the pickup needs to be equally useful to them (allows them to work better hours or something) or b) you should pay them like a sitter.
Around us high school starts later so you might be able to find a hs kid who would do it for a reasonable price. Or a nanny who starts her main job after 8.
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Sorry, but yes. Getting one kid out the door every day is hard enough. Maybe your husband will enjoy the daily walk with him?
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It seems like too much to ask every day, especially in the morning when they might be rushing to get ready/out of the house. And then they’d have to check in with you for changes of schedule - what if one of them was sick? Especially since it doesn’t sound like you really know the family, just that your young sons are friends, I wouldn’t ask.
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I would offer to pay them. Maybe $25 per week? It is a lot to ask, but if it was me I would be happy to do it and would probably tell you not to worry about paying me...but offering at least lets it be less of a favor you are asking.
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It depends on how close you are to the parents. If you just know each other because of the kids, it might be too much. But if you were friends even outside of playdates and birthday parties I don't think it would be that big of a deal. Especially since you would be willing to pick her kid up and keep or drop him off? until she could come get him.
Walking honestly wouldn't be bad in most weather, but it wouldn't be good in the extremes (also depends on the climate where you live)
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I think maybe when the kids are older it's not a big deal (once in a while) but at this age the morning routine can be kind of crazy. Plus I would worry then that my kid would just want to play with the other kid and wouldn't eat, change, etc.
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Thanks everyone for the feedback! My husband has these nostalgic memories of growing up in the 80s and being watched by other kids' moms after school, so it doesn't seem like that big deal to him. He says that it would be nice to have people in the community that we could depend on (and who could depend on us), a la "it takes a village," but it still seems like too much on a daily basis.
@mrs.lion, @snowjewelz: I don't think we're going to ask, but if we do, offering to pay is a great idea.
@erinbaderin: I hadn't even thought about what if they were sick. Good point.
@mrs.someone: I think ultimately he would enjoy the daily walk. I think it's just having to do it every day that concerns him, but I've done drop off every day at daycare and nursery school for the past four years!
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@sams mom: We're friendly, but not friends outside of our kids. We're in the mid-Atlantic, and I think the extreme cold we had this January (two straight weeks of below freezing temps) worried my husband.
@dolphin: I agree! My son can be a handful in the mornings for me sometimes, so I wouldn't want to push him on a poor unsuspecting mom who has to get her own kid ready.
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Would it be an option for your husband to walk your son to his friend's house, arriving just before they leave? That way they wouldn't have to be responsible for him for a whole hour.
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What @Raspberry said was what I immediately thought of. If a friend asked me to do this, I probably would if the kid arrived ready to go and basically I just had to get them there. If I had to entertain them and then get both kids ready to go on time, I would say no.
I remember going to other kids houses and being watched by the mom after school but never before school. Totally get the nostalgia!
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I would do it once in a while, but for 181 school days? No.
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It sounds like the issue is more that your husband doesn't have a car and less that you need before care. Instead of asking them to watch your son for an hour before school (which is the craziest time of day), can you ask them to pick up your son on their way to school and then you can drop off their son after school?
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I agree with pp's that I'd ask for one of these options :
Drop off son right about the time they plan to leave to go to school so they aren't watching him for too long, if at all
Or
Ask if they could pick him up on their way every morning and you'd do drop off every night
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@Katrocap: another idea of you do ask is to offer childcare in return. Like, maybe offer a date night every other week in exchange? Money makes it feel less “community building” and more “transactional/ employee” whereas a trade feels the opposite. I’d also try to establish open lines of communication so that if it became too much, they had room to say so without feeling weird. I could see myself agreeing, realizing it was too much and then feeling guilty so continuing until I was resentful. So I’d want to avoid that and regularly give the option for outs. Just some ideas!
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I think asking them to watch your son that much is too much, but could you ask them about carpoolig? So your husbans watches him at home and they swing by your house on the way? That’s less of an ask, esp if youre offerig to do pick ups like you mention
Otherwise 1 mile isnt very far... we live about 1.3miles from our daycare and often walk, and it only takes me about 20 mins pushing two kids in a double stroller, so walking slowly. But we’re in a city, i feel like distance feels farther in the burbs haha.
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I think you could pay someone to do this. There are always plenty of requests going out in our area for before/after school care.
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Stupid question, but is there a bus? I say way too much of an imposition to ask another family. I'd plan on the walk and uber in bad weather. But if there was a school bus, that's my first choice.
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@Ajsmommy: This! Couldn’t they pick up
Your son on the way to achool in exchange for you taking their kid home everyday? -
I would feel really put out by someone asking me this. It would be hard to say no, it is hate to have an additional kid to deal with in the morning. Plus figuring out sick days and whatever other changes might happen would stress me out.
If you intend to use this school, what do plan to do for the rest of elementary school? I think you need to figure out a long term solution. Maybe another car is needed, or maybe a daycare that does before school and has a bus pick up (ours does this).
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I agree with @shootingstar about trying to find a long term solution esp if you’re going to attend through your elementary school. I have a really close friend (we grew up together) ask me once to take her daughter to school. She dropped her off super early. I love her kids like my own but I was a little stressed getting my kids dressed and fed and keeping up with what we need to bring that day,etc and keeping another child occupied.
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Confession: I would feel uncomfortable asking unless it was my own sister. I also don't see it as a long term solution.
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Is biking to school an option for your husband and son?
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I second biking. We live about a mile/mile and a half from our daycare and both bike commute and it takes about 5-10 minutes to get to daycare in the morning. A trail-a-bike, rear-mount bike seat, Tyke Toter, or trailer are all good options for a kindergartner, and as your kiddo gets older they can ride their own bike. But if you live in a heavy traffic area with no bike lanes, I can see it being a concern. We ride pretty much every day unless its below 20 degrees or winds over 25mph. You could maybe ask your friend to keep/watch your kid only on really severe weather days, with the tradeoff being that you watch their kid on snow days?
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Yes, too much of an imposition. Even if they pick your kid up on their way, you KNOW there will be days when your kid is running late and you will hold them up. Or their kid is sick. Or they are out of town. I think you need to find a better long term solution if this location and drop off problem is going to persist.
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@Katrocap: does the school provide breakfast? If so, the cafeteria may be open earlier than the 8 am start time.
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@Katrocap: Too much of an imposition, plus what do you do when your neighbor's kid is sick, or they go on vacation, or they are running late. Having said all that, I actually had a neighbor offer to walk my kiddo to school every day because our kids go at the same time, to the same school (and we live in a condo, and they live just 5 doors down from us). It was SUCH a sweet offer, but it weirded my husband out!--he doesn't want to mix "business" (walking a kid to school) with friendship and was worried it might somehow put a strain on our friendly neighbor relationship.
Anyway, so my husband slightly adjusted his schedule and he walks our daughter to school daily and next year, will be walking both girls to school. They walk year round, no matter the weather, because we are also a 1 car family and I leave at 6:45 am (also in education and have to be at work around 7:30-7:40 am). Their walk is only half a mile, but there are people in our town that definitely walk a mile to their daycare/school of choice. Year round. You just invest in rain gear and snow gear. My kiddos wears snow boots and snow pants on the coldest days. She also has a good rain coat and rain boots. And she usually goes on her scooter and my husband carries it home.
Is buying a beater car a possibility? Even though we live in a town with terrible parking and we only have 1 garage space, we used to have a 2nd beater car for my husband on the super rare day he felt like he needed to drive when I was at work (say, if he took a "mental health" day and wanted to run errands in the suburbs or something). Could you just buy a cheap car cash, just for your husband to do the daily drop off? Another option is to hire someone (SAHM, college student) to do come to your house and take your kiddo to school every day. You'd only be paying for 5 hours a week, which isn't bad. We are considering hiring someone next school year for morning walk to school and drop off, just because my husband's work load has increased a little lately, and he really wants the flexibility to go to work earlier if he needs to. This summer, I'm going to post ads on my local mom's group to see if I can find someone good that just wants those very small hours (sometimes local daycare teachers want a little extra money and their shift doesn't start till later, like 9am). We'd pay $18/hour for someone to walk both kids, and it would probably take about an hour total (to arrive at our house, gather the kids, walk over, and for them to walk back), so that's only $90/wk.
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Does he have a bike? They could bike together which would be faster than walking? Or even do a trailer behind the bike and pull him along?
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Assuming you are getting a break on your previous childcare expenses, I would put that money towards getting an inexpensive second car for your husband.
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Thanks to everyone for your honest feedback! I really appreciate it. We have one car for environmental reasons, which I have to drive to work (my husband walks to his work), so I have been doing almost all drop-offs/pick-ups. So I think he's just out of touch when it comes to this stuff. I didn't feel comfortable with making this request of the other family, and all of your points have reassured me I wasn't just being anti-social or feeling weird asking for help.
@mrs.lemon-lime: The school does provide breakfast, but it starts at 7:30am, which isn't early enough.
@ms.mermaid: We're in downtown Baltimore and they're aren't bike lanes in our neighborhood. But it's encouraging to know you bike in extreme weather! Also, that's a brilliant idea to offer watching the other kid on snow days! I'm so lucky that, as a teacher in the same district, snow days won't be a problem for me.
@pollywog: Unfortunately there aren't any buses that go that route. But they could walk most days and then just take a taxi (we don't have smart phones, so don't use uber/lyft) in extreme weather.
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@Katrocap: That is definitely what I would do. Plan on walking most days but take a taxi if the weather is bad.
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@Katrocap: sorry if I missed this but is there a bus? Or, a befor care option with dropoff at a local daycare? Our school has both of these.
ETA also I think whether it's too big an imposition depends on a) if you'll pay and b) if they only have one kid or more than one. With one I wouldn't have minded as much but I have three and two of which will be in different schools next year (preschool/elementary school) and so now itd be impossible.
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If biking isn’t an option, what about scooters for both your DH and LO? At our old school we lived just under a mile away, and we took the tram to school (and walked a few times when there was a problem), but we walked/scootered home just about every day. It’s totally doable.
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@Katrocap: yes that is too much to ask. For kindergarten last year our mornings were very hectic i wouldn't want to have another child there half an hour earlier to watch.
Additionally I personally wouldnt entrust my childs transport to school in someone else's hands. Things could come up and they might be skipping school that day or running late.. also not everyone is the safest driver when they are in a hurry in the morning.
Can you sign your child up with a nearby daycare that drops them off at school. For a fee you can dp him off there super early and they well bus them them to school -
I don’t think you should ask. You can hire someone for before school care or your husband can walk. Or propose carpooling. That would be imposing for sure.
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