Hellobee Boards

I try to keep everything very light and general. As for your example with solids, I probably wouldn't have said anything right at that moment, but at another time I might say something like, "Also, just so you know, we don't make him finish his food, so if he seems like he's over it, it's ok to toss the rest (or save in the fridge)." I think it's important for nannies to feel like parents trust them, but it's also important for them to do what we want with our kids.

I think a happy medium can be to all her to fill out a log book each day and then use it for a conversation spring board in the evenings or mornings. It gives you the chance to bring things up with out it being a big deal and you can change the sections on the log to reflect what's important to you right now. You could even add a section for your own notes each day and note things like when you want naps to be, what cues you're watching for, activities you want them to do etc.

It might also be helpful to leave articles or highlighted book sections of things you're finding interesting or helpful right now so everyone is on the same page.

I really like @Cole: 's suggestion. For the first year or so, we had our nanny keep a log book. We gave her a paper with the baby's schedule on it, and as he was just starting solids, we would work together on what he ate - she wouldn't introduce a new food without my OK, for example. She made the purees though, so it was a collaborative process. At first it would make me crazy when I would notice that he wasn't napping at his scheduled naptime, etc. - but for the most part she stuck to the schedule.

As he got older, I just started to care less and less about micromanaging - I stopped reading the logs every day, though still expected her to follow the schedule for the most part. As others have mentioned, I try to have general conversations with her about preferences, like how it's good that he is able to tell us when he's full. Though there have been times I've stepped in right away with a change, like when she was shaking bottles of breastmilk bottles after warming them.

It's just like any other relationship: You have to pick your battles.

I know this is TOTALLY not the same thing, but I had sort of a related experience with putting my dog in care. Because I didn't want to come off as a critical nag, I made a printed document of "tips and reminders" for my dog when I left her in more extensive care for a few weeks, both because my dog has very particular issues and because I have things that I am personally particular about. I knew the person caring for her was experienced and nice, but I wanted my rules to be respected and I'd observed little things that I wanted done differently. I just printed out the list of "reminders" and said its a document I'd finally gotten around to creating for sitters and relatives to have on hand, just so that everyone is consistent and on the same page so the dog wouldn't get confused or anxious because of changes. The sitter actually really appreciated it (I put it in a binder with page protectors and everything).

The document was probably pretty detailed and annoying, but at least it was all out there, easily referenced, and not something I had to have follow-up conversations about. And she didn't think it was directed specifically at her per se, but probably more that it was a neurotic document I had put together of my own volition. Plus, I actually did use the document a lot whenever I had to get someone to watch my dog.

@raintreebee: I totally feel you!! I had a pretty hard time with letting go (and I still do). I work at home, but in a different space (I work downstairs, and the baby & nanny are on the main floor).

At first, our situation was like yours, and I was able to be there to guide her in the beginning.

Eventually, I needed to give them space. I would specifically sit her down and talk with her about things.

Because I HATE sounding controlling, I would word it in a way that sounded good to me, haha. I would say things like, "Because babies are always changing, we have a few new ideas for you guys", and then we'd go into how we prefer meal times to go (we do baby led weaning, so forcing to finish food is a no-no).

With the nap situation, we just did sleep training, so that was a natural way to start that conversation. "Hey! Everything is completely changing right now, so we wanted to go over our new schedule so you understand it!".

We also have a little spiral note book we leave on the TV stand each day where I'll write notes. I'll put 2-3 things we're hoping she can do during the day (wash bottles, fold baby laundry, etc.), and I like to remind her what time she woke for the day, and what her schedule should roughly look like.

She's usually very open and receptive. BUT, I'll be honest, there are things I still never have the balls to bring up. She's sent me photos of the baby holding her own bottle. We ALWAYS hold her and her bottle for her (I think it's good bonding). My husband says it's not worth correcting, because at the end of the day, she takes great care of our baby. I'm not sure she always does it, so, meh! And, I think she's on her phone a lot (texting). Again, I don't think it really hurts my kid, or is keeping her from paying attention, so I've let it go.

Again, I totally feel you! I know it's hard. REALLY hard. You're doing an amazing job. If you have any specific questions, you can wall me!