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It gets better! And I'm sorry for all that you went through with your first!

Honestly, at 8 months, BF is nothing magical to me. It is special, it's bonding, and it is very handy to be able to nurse to sleep, but mine def was never a smooth road either.

In the beginning, you are anxious about supply, they eat non-stop, growth spurts, etc... Then after that, I went through a nursing strike, then bottles strike, and I never have good supply to begin with... After 6 mo it's just dwindling slowly.

You are def in the thick of it! I think after 2-3 mo it got better, and by 5 mo def very easy!

I never had the "magical" feeling when BF. I liked the closeness I felt with my DD2 (DD1 never latched, we pumped and then switched to FF at 10 weeks.) I stressed the whole time trying to get DD2 to take a bottle before daycare, she never did, it took 6 weeks for her to accept one. When she did she only wanted that, so I stopped BF and we stuck with FF. You aren't alone.

It becomes more and more convenient and less stressful as time goes on and you and baby both move along the learning curve. Once LO was an older infant I did really cherish those snuggles since she was so active and I didn't get them as much. But, one thing that is helpful to remember in the early days is that it doesn't have to be magical, don't feel like you need to put that pressure on yourself. I personally chose to breastfeed because in MY opinion it was the best food for my child, not because I was looking for a magical experience.

I remember 6 weeks being an exceptionally difficult time. Constant feeding, overactive letdown. Plus, my DD has reflux, so after the constant feelings also came copious amounts of spit up and screaming. I had a crack at the base of my nipple that didn't heal til 10 weeks that was basically an open wound and was so painful, I dreaded feeding her. Six weeks was probably the peak of my breastfeeding stress.

We are at 4.5 months now and I would not say things are magical, but they are so much easier. DD nurses so naturally now, she pushes away when she's full, I'm no longer in pain, my supply has regulated so I'm not having the pain of engorgement anymore. It's soooo much easier. I don't know that it feels magical, but it's definitely more convenient than it felt in those early days and we've found our rhythm.

Push through it if you want to, but also know that the magic you're hoping for may never come. There's nothing wrong with formula feeding of you think that will bring you more peace and enjoyment with your baby.

The 6 week growth spurt is VERY REAL and VERY HARD. This was almost my breaking point with my first! But once we got past it, everything got a LOT easier. Although I don't know that it was ever magical...

@Truth Bombs: I think that last line is such a good point. Feeding my kid is #1, it being an idealized bonding experience is secondary. I think I've always had a touch of guilt that I don't *love* it.

@sweetooth: Basically I waited to introduce bottle, but then she refused bottle and I was freaking out b/c I had to go back to work the next week. Then she got used to the bottle, and suddenly refused the boob! I had to pump even at home, that was horrible.

Even now, dealing with low supply, and DD only nurses laying down so I can't even nurse her when we're out, or watch TV or something! I think those things make it non-magical for me still. I just press on b/c I know it's good for her, and that it's free!

@sweetooth: Yeah, I think between 7-8 weeks, things got better. And being able to nurse them to sleep is always magical, especially at 8 months when they are super distracted by everything.

Sorry, I'm still nursing my 18 mo and can honestly say "magical" has never applied to our breastfeeding relationship. I'm not a fan of my breasts being touched and we've had our ups and downs (biting, breast rejection, oversupply etc). Really I do it for her because I believe in breastfeeding but there's nothing euphoric about it.

Every single day from the day my milk came in until my LO was 3 months old I was "going to quit breastfeeding tomorrow" I cried a lot.

It still isn't magical for me and never was but it got considerably easier around 3-4 months. she's still being breastfed at 7 months old.

My best suggestion is just take it one day at a time.

I am waiting for the magic, too. Maybe it's just an ideal...I am tired of dripping milk EVERYWHERE, of my large boobs being even larger, the nipple pain, relatching over and over for a better one...I almost prefer pumping. Sorry to threadjack but, suffice to say, I am right there with you.

@sweetooth: hi! Well I think it's important to get as much info you can to help you try to find out why there is so much crying at the breast. Have you considered getting a LC to come advise you?
A few simple adjustments can make a world of difference. It can be magical but it is hard....but totally worth it! I wanted to get to 6 months with DS and it's been so great that we're still going. It's the bonding and quiet moments . Your breast milk is the best thing for your baby. It's worth fighting for and YOU can keep going!!

Get a LC to come over and help you. An overactive letdown can be fixed. I hope you can get to that magical place where bf-ing is that peaceful quiet moment with you and your child. Don't give up!!!

@sweetooth: Yes, focus on the rhythm. That is key! Once it becomes routine, it is much, much easier. We never hit magic, per se, but I did have a good number of times later on where I thought, this is pretty darn awesome. But it took a long time and lots of patience for us both.

Also, I echo @Adira: the six week growth spurt is real and hard. It was the six month one that almost broke me, but that is a different issue altogether. Hang in there. It gets better!

I agree that after the 6 week spurt it got easier. But it did take a while longer (probably closer to the 2.5-3 month mark) until it became magical. Magical as in, I could actually relax, get comfortable, check my phone, he would look up and smile a bit and it didn't hurt. Then they get active and it becomes a wrestling match as they get older around the 8-9 month mark.

@LovelyPlum: Thanks, friend. After a particularly painful feeding, I gave him a bottle of BM. It hurts my heart because I know he prefers the breast.

@simplyfelicity: the interwebs stole my response. But How is his latch? We had latch issues and had to use a shield for a while. It helped. Have you had the chance to see a LC? I only did at the hospital, but I wish I had gone to see someone later. I think it could have helped us.

@LovelyPlum: He had a tongue tie and lip tie that got snipped at 8 days old and I haven't seen an improvement. I have talked to four LCs who say everything *looks* good. I have really large arreolas which is what I think makes it painful. A couple of latch techniques work for us. One breast is especially painful because it's really large. Pumping sucks but I prefer the predicability to not knowing if I am going to have nipple pain or not. I really want bf to work for us but I am essentially waiting for his mouth to get bigger.

Never magical. It became easy at 4 months. It was still very hard at 2 months and my baby was born only a week early. Their mouths are still so small at that point. I enjoy it now but it really isn't magical for me.

*hugs*

http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-you-begin-to-like-breastfeeding