Specifically a 15 year old you've never met before...
Our nephew is getting married in September five hours away. I rsvped for the wedding this morning and just received an email informing us that they are providing a 15 yo babysitter. LO will be eight months old.
Am I being an uptight FTM by not being comfortable with this?
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I am just now getting comfortable with the idea of leaving my 2.5 year old with a 17 year old, so I would probably not feel comfortable.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
Are they telling you no kids allowed?
I would not leave my baby with a 15 year old teenager. And definitely not one I know nothing about!
pomegranate / 3438 posts
Not uptight at all! DS is 16 months old and I wouldn't leave him with a 15 year old I didn't know. If it was family, maybe. Depends on how much experience I know they have. But a stranger? Nope.
honeydew / 7295 posts
Depends on the teen. My husbands cousin is 17 and she is a baby whisperer.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
I definitely would not be comfortable with that. Can you maybe just say "Thanks, but no thanks! We plan to keep LO with us! :)" I hope they're not implying that they expect you to leave your baby with this stranger!
honeydew / 7811 posts
I babysat ALL THE TIME as a young teen. I started out way younger than 15! And I babysat plenty of babies even younger than 8 months! I once even babysat a 6 WEEK old baby and her older (I think 2 or 3 years) sister. I was a great babysitter, I loved kids so much and nothing bad ever happened while I babysat.
Now that I have a baby of my own? NO WAY! I can not even imagine leaving LO with a teenager! Not my own stepdaughter, not my own nephew. We are only using Grandma and Nana as babysitters for now, or I'd trust a couple of my adult friends.
papaya / 10473 posts
No, I definitely couldn't do it...especially if I didn't know the babysitter!
grapefruit / 4110 posts
Is this baby sitter for all of the kids or just yours? Can you get a resume or talk ahead of time? 8 months is pretty young. I had two teenage sitters for my sisters kids for my wedding BUT her kids were 1 and 3 years old. It ended up working out fantastically! I did vet them very hard and we were in a unique situation with a rented house and playground near by.
bananas / 9628 posts
Where would they be? For our wedding we hired a couple high school seniors, so 17 or 18, that were camp counselors at the camp where we were married, but the parents were at the same location & they weren't alone. Fwiw, I wouldn't be comfortable with what they're offering unless they were in a space adjoining where I'd be, like a room off of the reception, not an elevator ride, & could pop in frequently.
grapefruit / 4110 posts
@oliviaoblivia: Yes that is crazy! I wouldn't do that even at 2 years old.
pineapple / 12793 posts
Second question:
Now that I've decided their babysitter is NOT going to work. Should DH go while LO and I hang out in the hotel?
persimmon / 1427 posts
I would not be comfortable with that for many reasons, especially because they are expecting a 15 year old to watch multiple children at the same time, including an infant.
I would feel comfortable hiring someone that I hadn't met if they were highly recommended by a trusted source. Could you find another sitter to just watch your LO?
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@oliviaoblivia: Is your LO specifically NOT invited to the wedding? I'd probably just bring your LO with you if you can!
cantaloupe / 6630 posts
A is 8 months old now and no way would SHE tolerate being left with someone she doesn't know, never mind how I'd feel about tgeir age, etc. Is it a use our sitter or don't come situation? If so then I'd probably let DH go alone but if not, take her with you 
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
I started babysitting when I was 8 years old.
I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kids with a teenager I don't know though.
Is it an evening wedding? I would just take the baby!
nectarine / 2504 posts
I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving LO with someone I didn't know whether they are young or not. For what it's worth, we left LO with a sitter that was 17 when he was 11 months old. It went well!
pineapple / 12793 posts
@Bluebonnet: I unfortunately know no one in that city.
@Adira: they sent an email invitation (don't get me started on that) and didn't specifically invite any of us.
@chopsuey119: that was my plan until I got the "use or teenage babysitter" email.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@oliviaoblivia: Since they didn't specify in their invite, I would just assume that the babysitter is for anyone who WISHES to use it. Take your LO to the wedding with you!
ETA: It's not like they have to provide a plate for your LO, so it's not going to cost them anything!
honeydew / 7917 posts
My sister watches LO often, but she just turned 18 and only started to watch LO after he turned 1. Any younger and I could barely even trust my in-law's. I wouldn't feel comfortable with a teenager in a hotel separate from the wedding venue. I would bring LO along for the big party
honeydew / 7687 posts
Um no, that would not be happening for me! I wouldn't be comfortable with a teenager I'd never met until LO was at least 6 or 7.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
I've left my LO at 3 months old with the young teen babysitters at my gym while I worked out. I just pop in to check on them and I can literally see in the window from where I stand. Apparently I'm more trusting than most.
GOLD / pomegranate / 3938 posts
I think it depends on who the teen is; how well you respect the judgment of the bride/groom who selected the teen; how many kids the teen will be watching; and whether or not the babysitting will take place on the same property as the wedding reception.
Best of luck, friend!
ETA: If you can't bring your LO to the wedding, then I think that the spouse that should attend the wedding is the spouse that either (a) has the family member getting married; or (b) is the the one that will have the most fun at the wedding. No reason for both you and your DH to miss out on the fun.
grapefruit / 4235 posts
How many kids are they expecting the teenager to juggle? I wouldn't even consider leaving L unless he was there with no more than 3 kids total.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
Not a chance. ESPECIALLY if they are providing one sitter (15????) for all the kids? Um, no.
I won't be comfortable with a teen watching my daughter until she is much older. I'm an overprotective parent who never plans on going out to do anything unless I have family to help me, though.
kiwi / 538 posts
@cmomma17: I started sitting when I was 11 and it is mind-boggling now to think about it. I had no idea what the f I was doing- ignorance is bliss I guess :). No one got hurt or died or anything in my care so I must have done something right but still- now I can't even fathom leaving my son with a teenager.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
I was hired to watch a special needs 1 year old when I was a teen 15. But, the mom observed me with smaller children at the summer camp where I worked and I was watching one child.
Too many kids with an unkniwn person. No way!
pineapple / 12234 posts
I didn't think I could but I leave DD (13 months) at the gym daycare for an hour every Saturday...there are two 16/17 year old girls there. I feel kind of guilty about it because E hates them lol.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
Nope, because I don't think a 15 year old could handle an 8 month old PLUS other children (which I'm assuming there will be.)
cherry / 157 posts
My daughter's babysitter is 16 and I only met her breifly before she watched my kids for the first time. My daughter is 14 months now and loves her!!!
pomegranate / 3791 posts
I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Do you have a family member or someone who could babysit for you instead? If not, I'd just decline the invite. I'm assuming they're not having LOs at the wedding if they are offering a babysitter.
honeydew / 7811 posts
@dookie32: I know right?! I was way young! My only qualification was that I loved little babies! I often would sit for multiple families at once, like 6 or 7 kids! Thank god nothing ever happened!
persimmon / 1035 posts
um, hells to the no I would not!! i had to adjust to late 20s/early 30 year old baby sitters to take care of L while i was HOME! now it's going fine and i can go out and do errands, but i think at that age (8 months or less is all i can speak for), for any age babysitter I would want to be around to make sure things go smoothly before leaving them alone. Plus at that age, you will be dealing with separation anxiety. And I would not even consider hiring a teenager.
I just skimmed through the above, but did I see correctly that this 15 y.o will be in charge of several kids?? um, again - hells to the no! If i even leave my baby with my mom, i don't even want her also having to look after my sister's kids at the same time - L gets all the attention of his caregiver so long as he can't walk or talk.....maybe i am an uptight FTM.....
In any case, can't you just say you are nursing, so where you go, L goes?
coconut / 8475 posts
@MrsMccarthy: lol, so is my brother:)
My little brother is 15 & I trust him with my life. He knows everything about babies and is very cautious.
But, I wouldnt trust anyone else that age, especially if I don't know them?
Plus, how many will she have? I doubt a 15yr old could juggle more than just the one child at once.
I'd say no.
pomelo / 5093 posts
I'd certainly trust one that I knew and trusted. Certainly not an unknown one. But I know that if I provided a babysitter for a wedding, I'd probably be expecting it to be adults only. You might want to clarify their expectations with them.
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