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Its totally normal for there to be fits and tantrums at that age. My firstborn is similarly high energy and sorta high strung. He's very happy when he's well rested and on a strict schedule with lots of predictability and physical activity, but if he gets too overstimulated or too bored or is tired, he's a hot mess.

Anyways, at that age, they go through separation anxiety and there's generally a big uptick in tantrums right before their language explosion around 18 months-2 years. This is also when the 18 month sleep regression occurs. Its all related. There's just a lot brewing in their brains right now, they're learning to think and process things and see how far they can push boundaries, but don't have the words to express what they want or how they feel. It also makes them periodically freak out because they realize they have these thinking abilities and the ability TO push buttons. Its this freedom they didn't know they have, so it scares them and they have separation anxiety.

Basically, its a phase and it will pass. I would just keep on your routine, work a lot on words and signs and basically any means by which they can learn to communicate with you. My son didn't really care for signing, but he learned "all done" and "more" and we taught him how to say "thank you," "help," "please," "water," "milk," "more," "hug," "hi," and "bye." We also taught him how to cheer "yay!" and give high fives at this age (the hitting thing happens around now and high fives are a nice positive thing with the same sensation), and "gentle hands." We also did a lotttt of Priddy word books - he was super into them and even though he didn't say the words, I know he was really interested in them. And this is really when his love for music skyrocketed. He'd want to hear the same songs over and over and over again, especially as he learned words, and if he was upset or crying, we could put on some of his favorite tunes and redirect.

As to the actual tantrums, my husband's solution was to move him to a safe place on the floor and leave him there. Usually it was an open carpeted part of our living room and then my husband would just walk away cuz he couldn't deal. He would come back a few minutes later and ask him if he was okay. I tried to be more present for it and sit a few feet away. Either way, after every tantrum, we'd soothe him by giving him a big hug, and in a gentle tone tell him we loved him very much, but (insert whatever we wouldn't allow him to do), okay? We have him make eye contact ("Look at Daddy. Look at Daddy.") Then repeat what he's not allowed to do and then make him acknowledge what we just said. Usually its "Okay? Okay." Then hugs and I love you's again, and then offer something fun as a transition point. "Do you want to color with Mommy?" At 30 months we still do this.

Does it always work? No. Do we just not have the time/patience? Sure. We endured a LOOOOTTT of screaming and tantrums in the car at this age. But again, this is where the music in the car really helped and we started giving him a straw cup of water and dry snacks in the car - puffs, yogurt melts, raisins, Mum Mums, rice rollers - things that weren't a choke hazard and clean. It would generally keep him occupied and happier and it reduced the screaming.

I can't remember exactly how many but it was enough where my husband refers to the 16-20 month period as the "nonstop fit." We endured his hellacious reflux and colic as a baby so the tantrum phase really didn't seem that intolerable (he was at least sleeping) but it was definitely hard. Especially because our son had nonstop ear infections from 16-22 months until we got tubes (and he had a related hearing impairment and speech delay which made his communication issues worse).

Just work on expression in any way. Our son got Magnatiles at this age and started learning to build things and that was expression. We taught him songs with motions like Itsy Bitsy, If You're Happy and You Know it, and Hokey Pokey and dancing became an outlet. Coloring with Crayola color wonder markers or bath crayons was a big hit. Sensory play. It helps get some outlets for sensations.

Also a help was an electronic kitchen timer. We would set the timer for things and when it went off it would mean we had to transition. He would have a fit about it at first but after a few weeks he started to accept that the loud beeping was to signal some transition. We would ease the transition by cheering YAYYYYY and clapping and excitedly say "NOW ITS TIME FOR LUNCH!" Even if it's not anything exciting.

We also tried to teach tasks at this point. So we would sing the clean up song and clean up all his toys together every night before bed. At first he would only put one or two things in the bins but then he started to understand as we taught and cheered. We would also not give him a new set of toys until the first set was cleaned up.

We also asked him to help put his jammies in the laundry basket or or carry his dirty diaper to the diaper genie and say "bye diap diap" or ask him to put a few pieces of clothes in the washer with me.

We also started using TV around this point. We basically picked a few shows for him and would turn them on. He really really really loves the Wiggles (on Hulu) because it's real people (he didn't really enjoy cartoons until recently) and they sing songs and dance and the episodes are super predictable and structured. The shows are only 12 minutes long so it was perfect for cleaning up after dinner or getting dinner on the table or just when we needed a break from his screaming.

We also did (and still do) looooong baths. They relax him and he would color with bath crayons and play with a giant pot of toys and we would play him music in the bathroom and generally it was a pleasant transition to bed.

You've gotten some good advice. I would add that whatever approach you're trying for tantrums, maybe try the opposite? So for example, my kid needed company for a tantrum at that age. It helped shorten it if I sat near him with my hand on him and when he was done I'd ask him if he needed a hug. Other kids do much better if you ignore them and let them scream it out for a few minutes and if you don't pay extra attention to them they stop quicker.

Also, redirection was our friend. As was the pacifier.

This sounds like both of my boys. My oldest sounds almost exactly like yours. This age and phase was the hardest, but it sounds pretty normal. They can't really understand the consequences, and can't fully communicate what they want. My LO1 was so strong willed about everything and he had A LOT of tantrums. He still does have them at almost 4 but they aren't as frequent. There wasn't much that helped besides ignoring and distracting. Everything else escalated it.

We're in a similar situation at 18 months and I think it's a combination of him not being able to communicate well yet and just starting to hit that toddler willful/limit-testing behavior (which I remind myself is normal!).

What I try to do is talk to him, A LOT, narrate EVERYTHING and tell him in advance what is coming, and repeat, repeat, repeat. Like every night I repeat like 4x what we're going to do for bedtime. Like, "In 5 minutes we're going to say night night to downstairs, walk upstairs, take a bath, put on your diaper, put on your PJs and sleep sack, brush teeth, read a book and go to bed." Or whatever. Or, "I'm going to change your diaper in two minutes. I'm going to change your diaper in 1 minute. It's time to change your diaper now. Can you walk over to the changing pad for me? Would you like to hold this while I change you?" Etc. etc.

I don't know if it HELPS but I feel like maybe? I also try to give voice to his emotions as much as possible (a la Janet Lansbury). A big meltdown trigger for us is coming inside after playing outside. I usually get down on his level, rub his back or his arm, and just repeat, "I hear you. You are mad, it makes you feel really mad to have to come inside when you want to play outside. You are upset. I hear you. I know it is hard to come inside. It's time to do x now. I hear that you are feeling angry right now." And then offer something as a distraction/transition to the next thing (which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't). And honestly, just ride it out! I'm not really a believer in trying to quiet down those emotions - they are so BIG and hard for these little people to manage.

He's also really into throwing stuff when he's mad and I'm not sure what to do about that because I can't always get to him fast enough to stop it. I don't care if he's throwing stuffed animals but sometimes it's harder stuff. If I can get to him, I block his arm and say "I won't let you throw that, it could hurt somebody. I know you're feeling frustrated." But often I can't get there fast enough.

I don't know how to respond to the throwing after he does it. I feel like saying "M, no throwing" or "we don't throw toys" is sort of pointless at this age, plus then he gets even more upset.

Oh, the other way I deal with it is lots of wine. Lol.

@MrsGeePerez: it's so hard. I have the same feelings. Janet lansburys podcasts have really helped me stay calm and in control. You're doing a good job! Hang in there mama

@MrsGeePerez: Some words of hope: both of my boys went through intense tantrums from about 16 months - 20 months...and then they slowed dramatically. BUT...both of my boys have sensory integration disorder, too...and ANY texture could set them off. Their brains really go haywire over certain types of stimulation. An OT could help IF you thought this might be a problem from your LO. DS2 has been in OT for CP and sensory issues since 7 months of age.

@MrsGeePerez: To some extent, all kids do these things. BUT children with sensory issues are very intense, and take it to the extreme. Both of my boys are very social, too...and because of this, autism was never a diagnosis that fit, though they certainly shared some characteristics (like being borderline obsessed with things that spin). Kids with sensory problems can be seekers, avoiders, or BOTH. DS2 is usually an avoider and went nearly a year refusing to touch anything voluntarily, unless it was with the back of his hand. He would scream relentlessly if something soft/furry touched him (including stuffed animals/blankets/most infant clothing). His favorite blanket in the world is a really scratchy woolen afghan. DS1 is a true seeker in every sense of the word...with a very few certain things he avoids at all costs (lines on socks, for example). The benefit of DS1's diagnosis is a 504 plan at school, so that he has guaranteed access to a calm place to settle when he's overstimulated, access to a weighted blanket/vest when he needs it, etc. Lunchtime especially has been a huge struggle for him because of all of the noise and movement around him - it overstimulates him, he becomes loud/hyper/impulsive and does not have the skills to calm back down. He works with an OT on identifying when he's feeling overstimulated and on how to calm himself. So far, deep pressure helps him calm, as do certain activites/exercises she's given him. At 7 months, DS2 started OT for delays (and then later, physical, speech, and feeding therapies when he was later diagnosed with CP). His OT actually noticed his issues first, and has been gently introducing him to new textures, and has provided a lot of support and tips on how to help him. OT is very individualized, depending on what kids need. Most areas have a Babies Can't Wait/early intervention program if you want him to be evaluated. That's where our pediatrician had us start. It's never a problem to ask questions :). We had a ROUGH time before DS1's problems were diagnosed and we had a way to help him. Things are getting much better....but slowly.