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Can you explain how you achieve solo time with your husband when your kids at home?

@erinbaderin: me too, starting tonight 4 month old and 2.5 year old. Thankfully I've asking my ILs to babysit for 4 hours each day but still.

This has not been the case for me. DH travels about once a month. Usually the week starts out pretty good- and I do think some of it is that I’m not dividing my time/ attention between the kids and DH, so my 4 year old doesn’t have to constantly interrupt, which is a big annoyance when DH is home. By the end of the week their behavior starts falling apart. Then when DH gets home they get super clingy to me and don’t want him to help them with anything and DH and I both get super annoyed. It’s great.

This is a mixed bag for us. Because DH isn’t often around, it’s hard to fit him into the mix of things and then I get frustrated which makes the kids behavior worse (terrible parenting, I know). Because my kids behavior is a reflection of mine I’d wager you’re probably right in thinking that because you are more calculated in your communication your child responds accordingly. When DH is around it’s exactly as foodnerd81 describes: they only want me and I get annoyed that I could finally get a break but now can’t because they’ll freak out.

@snowjewelz: just read your response! Very similar experience. I also think DS likes the verbal praise he gets - maybe related to love languages - but seriously who doesn’t like to be told their awesome all day?!?

Hmmm.... I used to see that when we were new parents, and DH would butt heads with DS over stupid stuff a lot. It would have been much faster to just give in and do it the kid's way, and if DH wasn't home I was able to do that. So, much less arguing and easier evening. Now DH has relaxed a lot and I'm actually the stricter parent!

More often, though, I see that the kids bring out their worst behavior for me. When DH is solo parenting, they actually eat vegetables without going on about how gross they are, and go to bed on time. I get the requests for yogurt with M&Ms and four more bedtime stories

Last week I took DS to visit my parents for a few days while DH stayed him with DD. Both kids separately were amazing for us. DS was a joy to be around and didn’t drive me crazy with his over active behavior. And DD, who normally screams the minute DH gets her out of daycare and spends half the night screaming until bedtime, didn’t do hardly any of that. I think her behavior was maybe 75% less awful than normal.

But when they’re together, we’re both just barely hanging on. We were joking that we should just live apart and have only one child at a time. DH even said he’s tempted to go pick up DS from daycare first and bring him home and then go get DD because she’s that different on the ride home. And once she starts screaming in the car, she screams when she gets in to be picked up and won’t let us put her down. Idk if it was because they both got a lot more individualized attention or what. Wish I knew!