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Not crazy!

Not crazy but I would probably go with my family. Have you talked to your DH? Expressed to him that this plan doesn't work well for you. Maybe he can talk to his mum.

Not crazy! Also, if SIL's DD was just out at a restaurant (and assuming all was fine), is it SIL that said she doesn't her HER DD out again? Or is this MIL assuming SIL's DD should not be out?? Do we know what SIL thinks? I would def ask DH to investigate... I def would be annoyed if you have to drive 2 hrs AND it's your birthday weekend!

I don't think you're crazy at all. And I could see this situation happening in my family and may have reacted the same way!

I think MIL is just trying to get everyone together. This is why I don't like texting, you can't read tone. Maybe in the future be honest upfront with DH that you just want to chill or whatever with him and DD.

I had a Mother's Day like this. I wanted a peaceful relaxing Mother's Day and other people had other plans. I made a few semi snippy comments, I was pregnant with lo2 and we had a lot going on so I just wanted to relax. Instead I spent a day cleaning and preparing for guests. I don't usually snip but it wasn't the worst thing, everyone after my initial reaction knew where I stood and went out of their way to be nice. Mil usually will make random comments about something needed dusted here and there and those definitely didn't happen that weekend. i briefly explained I was tired and had just wanted to relax, it was more of an explanation than an apology. Just say you don't feel like traveling. It's a valid feeling.

Honestly, this sounds like a DH problem to me - it's Mother's Day and he should be prioritizing the mother of his children, the one who is actually in the really hard active years of 24/7 mothering. I would tell your MIL, "I'm sorry if that sounded snippy, I'm just having trouble figuring out a plan that works for everyone. I'll have DH call you and work it out." Then in future years, you tell DH that Mother's Day plans are up to him and you want to relax that day, so if he takes on hosting it's his responsibility to get stuff ready, and if he makes plans with his family you don't want them to take up the whole day.

@wonderstruck: 100% this.

You're not crazy, you're just irritated. Honestly, it seems like Mother's Day brings on stress for a lot of people. Father's Day is like a leisurely walk in the park with a pint of beer, in comparison.

Don't get me wrong; my in-laws tend to take over, and I'd not be interested hosting people on a day that should, really, be about kicking back. I'd definitely have my husband take the reigns. If he wants to host his family, he can plan and execute that mission, and make sure there's time leftover for the three of you to relax.

I don't agree that younger mothers should get priority on Mother's Day. I think all mothers should be celebrated on Mother's Day. Having young children doesn't make you any more deserving of recognition than having already raised children to adulthood. My mom still does a lot for me and deserves to be shown appreciation.

@deerylou: Father's Day is likely a lot less stressful because men don't get worked up over having to "share their day" or making sure everyone is properly celebrating them.

Wendy Williams gave this advice to a mom yesterday on her show, "when you become a mother all you owe is a card to your own mom and the rest of the day is all about you."

You're not crazy. Do what you want to do for mother's day.

@Smurfette: There's a Grandparent's day--we always celebrate that day with our parents by sending them something LO made and having Skype sessions.

Plus, I think the OPs case is so different. It's OPs actual birthday AND it's also mother's day for her....but she's been asked to clean her house, cook meals, and host a dinner celebrating her MIL (not even her own mother). She suggested a restaurant, and that was shot down.

If her DH and his siblings want to go all out for their mother, then fine--but it shouldn't be OPs responsibility on her own birthday to shoulder all of this.

@Anagram: oh please, hardly anyone remembers to do anything for Grandparents Day. I bet money most people don't even know when it is. I was speaking in general, not to the OP question.

@bunnylove08: I wouldn't have ever offered to host in the first place since it was your bday. So once your MIL said that a restaurant won't work. I would have said fine to going to her house. This way you don't have to do anything. Two hours in the day isn't ideal, but I would look at it has time to talk to my DH when a normal weekend we don't get time to just sit and chat. Or I would have had DH call and suggest that they come to you and do a nice lunch and then go visit with SIL. I would then suggest to DH that you spend Sat together celebrating your bday and Mother's Day. The actual day doesn't matter, just that you get some time to yourself or with your family. Happy early Birthday!

@Smurfette: when I was upset about having to host my husband had been away for a month and we were trying to make trips to see him. I had a lo and was pregnant with lo2 and trying to finish up a couple papers for deadlines while solo parenting. Our house was in a state and we were given 24 hr notice of a visit. DH was finally coming home and I just needed time to relax for a day. Instead I got 2 hrs of sleep because I had to clean and cook. At this period in our lives we are just busier than our retired parents. We make a good effort for them to see the kids but it's a logistical headache to juggle everything around a day when traveling is involved. We make plans that better fit with schedules. it could be done but I'd rather my husband get me flowers to plant and take a walk with him and the kids and not worry about cleaning or traveling. Sure it's selfish but I'm ok with that at times.

Eh, since I share a birthday weekend with you, I can totally relate. My MIL loves getting everyone together and celebrates every holiday. I love her but she can be a bit demanding when it comes to holidays (she was born on Christmas) Anyways, I think it's ok to take the weekend off every few years to spend time with just your little family. Last year I was in Vegas for my 30th (the day before Mother's Day last year) and we sent cards and made calls. No one around here cares. Personally I would not pull a FTM card, but I would call an it's my birthday card from time to time.

So sorry for the loss of your Mom I'm sure this makes everything more difficult on a weekend that already has a lot going on.

I know driving is no fun- but I vote do something fun in the morning then just do it. Next year plan a little getaway for your birthday

@Smurfette: not everyone has a close, positive relationship with their mother or mother in law.

@pinkcupcake: don't you show your mom appreciation and celebrate her the other 364 days out of the year? I don't understand why another mother, even your own or your partner's, still gets to monopolize your time on this day if you don't feel like being bothered.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't see it as being a bother. I enjoy celebrating Mother's Day w/the important moms in my life. And yep, I show her appreciation 364 days out of the year, as does my husband to me (and hopefully Lo when she gets older). If you go with that argument, Mother's Day - or any day celebrating someone - isn't necessary since we have everyday to show our love and gratitude.

@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: doesn't your husband show you appreciation the other 364 days of the year?

@anonysquire: my husband?