10 years ago if you had asked a 22 year old me if I was gonna breastfeed, I probably would of laughed in your face. I wasn't a huge fan of kids let alone one hanging off my breast. Then 5 years ago my sister had a baby boy and slapped him right on the boob. It was my first and brief introduction to breastfeeding. She lasted 5 months. She quit so she could start smoking again. ( a whole other story for another day). She never talked about what it was like or what she struggled with. I was so wrapped up in my work that I never took the time to ask either.
Fast forward to the week before baby phoenix was born. People kept asking, as if stating "your going to breastfeed right?" I had not made up my mind. I knew nothing. I knew it was the whole "fad" right now. Was I going to jump on that band wagon or not? I did not know. I was totally squirmy just thinking about it. Breast where sexual objects to me and that was that.
But I was open to trying at least.
The day came when she arrived. Within the first half hour of her life multiple nurses had my breast man handled and contorted to fit her tiny mouth. It felt weird. I had no Idea what I was doing. Within the next few days I got more and more comfortable with the idea. I was really enjoying these moments with her that I knew were just for us.
Then things started to go downhill.
She didn't gain her birth weight back for two weeks. We where constantly going to the Doc for weight ins. At four months old baby phoenix was not gaining like she should. She was crying and screaming, pulling off the breast and screaming only to re-latch and do it all over again. She had one bowl movement a week.
I had remembered that when we were in the hospital a nurse had mentioned in passing that baby phoenix looked tongue tied. I brushed it off because I saw nothing at that time and forgot about it. I meet up with an a Dentist I knew about after having a long talk with 3 different lactation consultants. Dr.K took one look and saw a posterior tongue tie and a lip tie. The next day DD had both laser'd. Her latch had improved immediately. I thought it was all over and we would have smooth sailing from there on out.
I was wrong.
At 5 months baby phoenix had not gained much. She began with the pulling off screaming, arching, re-latching all over again. I went back to the lactation consultants. My supply had dropped drastically. Now you would think that with having the latch fixed and proper nursing happening my supply would become efficient. Here's where things get complicated. Because of my graves disease (hyperthyroid) I was taking PTU. This medication slows the thyroid hormone production down. It also caused my milk supply to plummet.
I was at the Doc's the next day.
I started my regiment of 9 Domperidone, 9 Blessed thistle, and 9 Fenugreek pills a day while still continuing to take my 3 Ptu pills and a horse size prenatal a day as well. My supply shot back up. I was a pumping machine. I could get 10 oz out of one boob after little miss nursed. I felt relief that this was it. I would finally be able to nourish my baby and she would grow!!!!
But it wasn't over.
Months went by and baby phoenix grew and gained. She was thriving and I had an amazing supply, but I started going down hill. I wasn't doing good at all. Some days I struggled to get out of bed. All my graves symptom came back with a vengeance. My disease was out of control. My blood pressure was high and my heart raced at 116bpm. I didn't know what was wrong. I was still taking all my meds. Why was this happening?
I come to find out that because of the Fenugreek my thyroid was unable to absorb the Ptu medication.
I needed to stop the fenugreek asap. By this time DD was 8 months and eating solids and I knew it was time to let whatever was gonna happen....happen. I dropped all the meds except my ptu and a prenatal. I started to feel better as each week went on. DD was still thriving and I still had milk. An ok amount, it had dropped a bit. Her eating solids helped contribute there too.
So life went on.
I was given a date for surgery and baby girl kept nursing. She is now 11 months turning one on the 18th. yay!!!!
I was giving a prescription to take everyday 10 days before my surgery.
Iodine (Lugol's solution)
To soften the thyroid and prepare it for surgery. It helps with blood loss too.
It also passes into breastmilk and pools in the tissues.
If baby girl ingest this she will kill off her baby thyroid.
I'm being forced to quite one of my biggest accomplishment (aside from creating and birthing her) In a very sort time frame.
I have 3 days left before it all ends for good.
I'm very emotional and sad about it and there's nothing I can do to change this. I almost feel robbed. I worked and fought so hard for this. I wanted it to end when SHE made it end.
I am proud that I made it this far. I can only pray that with Lo#2 I will be given the opportunity to end things Our way.
If your stuck around and read this whole thing.......Thank you.
I just really needed to get it off my chest.