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@jape14: agree with everything you said.

I think a toddler bed will make your situation exceptionally worse.

Given that she takes a healthy nap at school, between the overnight wakings, she's at like 10-11 hours of sleep a day. I think at 22 months, you're shooting for more like 13 hours of sleep overall in a 24 hour period, give or take.

She's probably sleeping well at school because she's been up 7-8 hours by the time her first nap happens. She genuinely needs the sleep, but because she's used to being absolutely exhausted by the time she goes down, she perhaps carries that habit to bedtime.

Furthermore, she CAN sleep without intervention at school, she just chooses not to at home because she knows she can have milk or nursing or cuddles or whatever.

Obviously, we cannot keep her awake until 11pm to get her totally zonked out, but if I were in your shoes, here's what I would do (and again, this is just me, so it may not work perfectly for you):

- Honestly, I would wean. Its not necessary nutritionally and its created a situation where she's using it to keep both of you up at night. Sure, lots of tots extended nurse and its wonderful and doesn't affect sleep, but for YOU and YOUR child, it doesn't really seem to be the case.

- I would cut bottles completely. If she wanted milk, I would offer a cup of milk, before bedtime, that's it. I would perhaps replace the bottle with a new positive ritual, like eating a healthy snack with Daddy on his lap. I'd choose something that will stick with her overnight in the off chance its a blood sugar or hunger issue, and do PB toast or cheese and crackers or Greek yogurt. Once we brush teeth, its water only. I think this will also help you and DH stay strong overnight about nursing/milk because you know its not hunger. If you are fearful of thirst, both my kids sleep with a water bottle.

- I'd repeat the schedule of events constantly during the evening. "Okay, its time for jammies, then snack with Daddy yay!, then brushing our teeth, books, and then night night!" "Its time for snack with Daddy, yay!, then brush our teeth, books, and night night." "Its time to brush teeth, and then books, and night night!" "Let's read books and go night night!"

- I would definitely sleeptrain overnight. It will be hard, there will be lots of yelling from a 22 month old, but I don't think there's any other way at this age. I'd put her to bed, say its time for night night, we love you, see you tomorrow!" And then close the door and leave. If your oldest has to sleep with you for a while, so be it. Personally I'd give the oldest a cot or something so she sleeps separately to give yourself good sleep in your own bed. If the tot freaks out overnight and wont settle, I'd go and verbally tell her its night night time, hold her while standing up for a minute or two, lay her back down, and leave.

- I'd get rid of the recliner. Or at least get it out of the room. Then you don't have a place to sit with her or sleep with her overnight - its just not an option anymore. "Chair went bye bye!"

- I would not put her in a toddler bed - it will make things worse. I'd also repeat "Mommy and daddy sleep in mommy and daddy's bed, sissy sleeps in sissy's bed, and you sleep in your bed! Everyone sleeps in their own bed!" Repeat mantra for why its time to sleep. This did wonders for my eldest when I would go to tuck him back in after a MOTN wake up. He would want to know why I couldn't stay, and I would say "Because its night night time. Everyone is sleeping. Daddy is sleeping, baby is sleeping, everyone is sleeping."

- I would make a concerted effort to do a lot of snuggling before bed. I realize that's hard while working and daycare pick ups and what not, but right after dinner perhaps really try to engage your kids in some couch time with Daddy, tickle fights, etc. My kids are extra cuddly after bath, so we do a fair amount of snuggling then. We also do books on couches or laps and its how they get their snuggle on. That way we can replace the overnight cuddles with daytime cuddles and you wont feel so bad about "depriving" her of overnight snugs.

- I think a 730 or 8pm bedtime is perfectly fine if she's getting up at 3pm from nap. While I realize you start your routine early, it doesn't seem like she goes to sleep until then anyway. And even though YOU want to go to sleep at 9-930pm, that doesn't seem like it really helps either, since she gets up soon thereafter. So I'd just embrace the 730-8pm bedtime with the hope that she goes down quickly, drops some overnight wakings, and perhaps sleeps in a little more. If she can sleep from 8pm-6am, then nap from 12-3pm, she's getting her 13 hours.

Sleeptraining a toddler is HARD, but I think it will be worth it. Your kid needs the right overall hours for sleep, but she also needs the brain growing and health restoration that UNBROKEN sleep gives her. For her brain development, nothing beats good, solid sleep. If she gets sick, good solid sleep. If she's going through a growth spurt, good solid sleep. Nevermind the benefits to YOU of getting a solid night's rest.

So, yeah, just my 2 cents.

Totally agree with @gingerbebe: !

@LulaBee: I hear ya. With the milk, before taking the cup away, I would say something like "okay, do you want any more?" If she says no, I would say "okay, that's it! No more milk after this, okay?" Make her respond to you to affirm that she heard you so that when she whines about it later, you can remind her "we don't drink milk at night, its night night time." Over time, she will realize the cut off is a hard cut off.