I have been meaning to start a support thread for a while, but I've been too overwhelmed to really confront my feelings in one place until now. LO is 4 weeks and I can finally feel myself pulling out of the depths of my baby blues. I found that reading other women's experiences helped me feel less alone - so thought this could be a place where we could all share our stories. Even if you went through it years ago, your story could make someone going through this confusing time feel less alone . 
You might also enjoy...
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With my first LO , I felt fine until my husband went to work two weeks later. Then the blues set in- It was a combination of feeling lonely, isolated, sleep deprived, and overwhelmed.
When I had my second LO, I was sure that I wouldn't get the baby blues again. I knew what I was doing , so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed. And I wouldn't be lonely because of my toddler. I should have known that I would be a wreck because I cried on the way to the hospital when I was in labor, already missing my toddler. I asked to discharged early because I wanted to get back home to her - we have never spent a night apart and bed share. I felt fine for the first few days- sleepy but fine. It was crazy though trying to figure out sleeping arrangements at first. DH and I would take turns with the baby on the couch, but toddler would flip the f*^* out when she woke up and mama wasn't in the bed with her. That was rough.
Anyway Come day 5 post partum and BAM - hit full force with a range of emotions. I would be nursing LO and sobbing because I was missing when it was just toddler and I,
Feeling so guilty that I turned her little world upside down. And she handled the change really well! Was excited for the new baby, wanted to
Always hold her and hug her. But in my mind, I did her a disservice by having another baby. In my mind, It took the 100% attention and love she was getting from us and ripped it in half. I missed the days of just the two of us. I missed saying "bed time!" And just heading upstairs and watching a couple of episodes of Scooby Doo before going to sleep (through the whole night). Of holding her in my arms or waking up to singing. Of choosing where to go during the afternoon : which playground? Should we go
To Target ? Where to have lunch? Missed just being able
To read her a book or
Playing with her dolls. With the new baby, I couldnt just say "bed time!" And lay down and hold her until she fell asleep. I can't Just sit down and play blocks whenever she asks, can't always read her the book she just brought over , because I'm always either nursing the baby, or holding her, or shushing her to sleep. She won't take a bottle so it falls on me. (Toddler
Also won't sleep unless it's with me, so DH can't do bedtime with her either. So i know that stress contributed to baby blues too. )I started measuring events Pre and Post Baby 2. I replayed in my head a day in which toddler kept
Asking us to rewind a part of a movie where she liked the song, and we were all singing it while
She danced. And I wanted so bad to
Just turn back time and never change a thing. I loved my new baby, but I really really really missed having just my toddler. Bonding with the new baby was also
Difficult 1) because of these emotions and 2) I couldn't give her the same attention I gave toddler when she was a newborn. If I'm nursing the baby and toddler is hungry and wants milk or strawberries , or gets hurt, etc , I have to put the baby down and attend to Toddler . Toddler is the squeakier wheel and that makes me feel guilty for Newborn too.It's been a month and I'm feeling so much better . We have a routine going finally, and i have been able to get out with both toddler and newborn so that has helped a ton. I also have been talking to my friend about it- she has baby blues with all three of her kids - and that support was crucial to me. My DH also checks in on me during the days he works, and his Mom comes by once a week to play with my toddler so that helps too! I've finally been able to confront things that I have shut out (there was an issue with my short term disability payments and I just couldn't work up the energy to talk to them about it until
Now)Anyway I know this was long but I hope that having conversations about baby blues , post partum depression and/or anxiety, or just the emotions that come with all the hormonal changes helps those going through this. Having a newborn brings so much change. You go from being a glowing pregnant woman, with everyone fawning over you, being excited about the new baby you're about to have, buying precious little outfits and picking out names, To sleep-deprived, in pain from birth, trying not to fall asleep while nursing your baby,
Lucky If you can get a shower in, life-flipped-upside-down, oh what did I do?! But change always takes time. I said it in another thread a while
Back, but it is a hazing.I am feeling like my old self again. I have finally bonded with my new baby. And toddler and I have resettled into old routines (with obvious changes which she is such a trooper about understanding ).I look back and see darkness , can remember the feeling of oppressive hopeless sadness . But it gets better it really does
.
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@MrsLilybugg: thanks for sharing your story. I totally just started bawling while reading the part about you missing life with just your toddler. About how all your cherished routines were no longer possible and the grieving around that.
Did you say it took about a month to feel settled and okay about things, esp in terms of your relationship with LO 1?
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@Autumnmama79: yes, I would say about a month to feel okay with new dynamic . And LO1 and I are slowly getting our old routines back- just with some changes!
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@MrsLilybugg:
️ Thank you for sharing. Glad you are settling in a bit now as a family of 4.
I struggled with the hormone drop. Sometimes I would just sob uncontrollably in bed for hours, feeling undeserving of my girl. DH was awesome and really patient. Breastfeeding went poorly at first and we ended up in the PICU for dehydration. I think that's when my anxiety started. Even though we have an Angel Care monitor I would obsessively check on her and her breathing. I still worry all the time and my mind drifts to ridiculous scenarios where she gets hurt or worse. I also have nightmares. DH travels a lot for work and I SAH so I think I internalize that responsibility. Other than anxiety it's going well. T is such an easy, happy baby. I'm not sure what's normal and what is just bring a parent. I have been seeing a therapist for nearly 2 years, it is so helpful.
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Baby blues hit me hard around day 4/5. Breastfeeding wasn't going well due to a tongue tie. LO1 never nursed so I felt a ton of pressure to nurse lo2. He was losing weight when he should have been gaining, and more. There was one night where I cried for about 3 hours while doing what I was supposed to do. I know it scared Dh.
For me, time and fixing a tongue tie helped. What didn't help was the pressure I put on myself about feeding and how I felt that if I knew it was hormones and the blues making me feel the way I did, then I should not feel that way (messy internal logic, not a good idea).
Eta: LO2 is 3 weeks on Thursday, weight is perfect, pumping and formula work plus nurse one in a while. I get out of the house everyday fire something, and this little man is utterly chill.
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I'm now 4 months post partum and about 3 weeks ago finally came to the conclusion that I have PPD. I had a reaaallllly rough time the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. I went from just fine to severe pre e with BP staying in the 190/110 range. I was induced at 36+2, with no real complications, and bawled my eyes out when I heard the most amazing sound I'd ever heard, DS crying for the first time. After that my life got very hard, very quick. Because DS was a premie we spent an extra night in the hospital, so me, DH and DS were there from Friday night to Monday morning. And over a 72 hour period I slept 4 hours. As a FTM I wasn't aware of how many noises a baby would make, or if I should be watching him breathe the whole time. It was terrible and I was terrified to sleep, so I just didn't. He stayed in the room with us almost the entire time, which is a whole other story. My blood pressure did not go down, apparently I was in the 1% of women with pre e, whose blood pressure doesn't go down till months after birth. I was put on medication and we were all sent home around noon. At 1am Tuesday morning I had to call my MIL to take my child so DH could take me back to the ER because I couldn't breathe. when we got to the ER my Bp was 198/118. I was fixing to have a stroke, and I don't think I've ever had an Iv put in so quick. I was then given a ct scan of my heart where I proceeded to have a panic attack ( probably from lack of sleep). Eventually they dosed me with anxiety medicine, put me on a second Bp medicine and sent me home. It took 9 weeks for my Bp to return to normal. My MIL kept DS for the next 2 days and me and DH slept 16 hours. That was the hardest 3 days of my life. Fast forward and I knew something was wrong because I cried every single day for 4 entire weeks. DS had severe reflux, colic and MSPI, so he cried anywhere from 8 to 12 strait hours every night from 6 pm to 6 am. For the first 6 weeks of his life, until we got all his issues worked out. As a FTM all I could think was, why does my baby hate me? What did I do to deserve this? I knew I was t handling post partum well, but everybody kept convincing me it was because I had a hard baby, and that it would pass. It wasn't until DS was 10 weeks old that we bonded. I've never had thoughts of harming myself or him, but I have an extreme amount of anger and resentment towards DH. I knew it was ppd when I would cry every time DH went to work, and stare at the clock waiting for him to be home. Then came the anger and resentment that he had a job, and got to be away from DS. The worst though was when I had vivid dreams of leaving DS and DH and running away from home and starting a new life, like it had never happened. That scared the shit out of me. Me and DH are high school sweethearts and all I've known my adult life, we've been together 11 years, and yet here I was hating him because he got to go to work!? I needed help. My family doesn't have a good history with anti-depressant use, so for now counciling is it for me. I'm also going to throw out there that I'm super high sleep needs and not an emotional person by nature, at 28 before DS I can count on one hand the number of times I've cried in my entire adult life. So just having all these emotions has been extremely crippling to me. Some days are still better than others but overall the older DS gets the better I get. Talking about it seems to really help also. By putting this out there, I hope if someone else thinks thier struggling, this might help them not feel alone. On a lighter note watching a walk to remember is one of those times I cried. Lol
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My goodness I had terrible baby blues. I also had a really hard time bonding with my son. I didn't kiss him for 2 weeks! The reason I'm not calling it PPD is because it did go away at about 5 weeks! I think the majority of the problem was not sleeping. When I would close my eyes in the evening I would start hallucinating a tiny bit. I also lost my sense of balance.
Exercise really helped. I also took Vitamin D supplements. Enlisting husband to help with a night feeding was the absolute most helpful thing however! You have to get one long stretch of sleep or you will lose your mind.
The one thing I might add is that you think you will never come out of it. It seems like the end of the world... like looking down a dark tunnel. But every day and week gets better and by the time my son was 8 weeks I was pretty much a hundred percent back to normal.
I legit thought I would never be happy again even though I had a perfect baby boy ...but I am very very happy these days.
I hope this helps -
I want to hug every single person sharing their story.
I am in tears both because I have been there and I hurt with and for you. And because of how comforting it feels to know that you have not been alone.
I am on my phone so can't reply individually! But
Gosh I remember the not sleeping a wink due to anxiety: I had that with my first LO and it's true- it will drive you mad! I was having visual and audio hallucinations. This time, I have not had the same anxiety because my
Emotions have centered around change in dynamics.
Also it is so true :
You do feel
Like you're in a tunnel that you never will get out of, but you will!! I'm not out of the woods yet but talking about it helps. So
Does getting sleep, and definitely getting out of the house ! -
My daughter is a month shy of 3, and I'm in the final throes of working through the PPA that hit me (without me realizing it for nearly a year). Happy to PM/chat with anyone who may want to.
I had a pretty easy pregnancy, but LO was consistently measuring smaller than her due date would indicate. No one really worried about it until my 36W checkup, when the doc realized that she hadn't gained any weight in 4 weeks. They decided it'd be safer to take her out and let her grow on the outside, so I was induced at 36+1. The induction didn't take, I had a c-section, and kiddo was born at 4 lbs 6 oz, which required a NICU stay. Thankfully she had no breathing or feeding issues, so after 10 days, when she showed consistent weight gain, we got to go home.
I had a fair amount of baby blues in the first couple of weeks, especially with her being in the NICU. My husband would drop me off at the hospital, go to work, I would be there for the day to do her feedings (bottles, mostly, because she was too small and would get tired trying to nurse) and pump, and he'd come in the late afternoon to hang out for a bit before we would go home for the night. I was very intentional that I didn't want any of our family to come (stupid mistake) so I was basically on my own that whole time.
Maternity leave hit me harder than I expected. I went from a full time, very social job to being alone with this tiny person. So I became obsessive over everything - how she slept, how much she ate, etc. She had reflux early on and I became obsessed with that, taking her to a gastro specialist, a chiropractor, trying all sorts of special formula (breastfeeding never did work out, my supply never really came in). My husband went back to work after a week of being at home, figuring that he wanted to save his leave time for when I would have to go back to work (I had 16 weeks of leave). Our family is 4 hours away, so my mom came for a week but other than cook and clean, I didn't let her do anything because I obsessed over controlling everything having to do with the kid (again, stupid mistake).
I didn't really realize I had PPA until my kid was nearly a year old, maybe even later. The way it showed up for me is the need to control everything I possibly could - her schedule could not be deviated from even for a second, her baby food had to contain a perfect mix of vegetable, dairy and protein, etc. I got back to work with huge relief, actually, because I wasn't under as much pressure to monitor all the things, but it really wasn't until she was 18 months or so that I had begun to realize just how anxious I was about everything having to do with her. If traffic was heavy and we were a few minutes late picking her up, if she didn't finish her bottle one day, if she stirred more than usual at night, you name it, I obsessed over all of it.
I realize now that there is a healthy level of anxiety to have in order to give yourself some sanity. IE, for me, having a schedule was really important, but the level of intolerance I had about even the tiniest deviations from it were unreasonable. I rarely went out with my friends or did things on my own, forget any time with my husband, and I really isolated my mom, who always really wanted to help. I kept seeing that tiny 4 and a half pound premie and thinking that I was the only one who could protect her and make sure that she grew up healthy, but that's clearly untrue and in not realizing that I was not in a good place really created a lot of unhealthy dynamics for me and the people around me.
That said, I also didn't really have anyone calling out the fact that I wasn't in a good place. My husband is very passive and was just not the kind of person to push on me and say "you need help." And in fairness I probably wouldn't have listened anyway. My mom was too far away, and she grew up in a different culture than I did so PPA is not a thing, really. And I had no close friends who were parents, and those who were near me just gave me space rather than calling me out.
What I would recommend to anyone who might find themselves in a similar situation is to go talk to someone. It's very very easy to excuse the anxiety as normal, and to some extent I think it is normal, but it honestly never hurts to have someone to talk to, even if everything is normal. I started seeing someone when kiddo was 18 months old (ish) and am still seeing someone now and it's been enormously helpful in helping me adjust course as my kid gets older, learning to let go and working through the traumatic experience I didn't realize I had.
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@MrsLilybugg: thank you for starting this thread! And for sharing your story. I bawled when I read it. I miss my routine with DS so very much. And then he didn't want to snuggle with me last night before bed and after he fell asleep I lost it. I cried half the night. The good thing to come out of it was that my husband and I had a really good talk about baby blues and ppd/PPA and I ended up feeling reassured and supported.
I had a hard time bonding with my son. He was colicky and I had terrible anxiety with intrusive thoughts. The anxiety started in the hospital and became worse and worse over the first six months. I couldn't leave the house but I was terrified to be alone with my son. I couldn't let anyone else watch him but I couldn't stop seeing myself harm him over and over again in various accidents or imagined outbursts.
At six months we traveled to the opposite coast as a family and I had a panic attack while visiting a museum. It was so public, so incapacitating and terrifying that I finally realized my anxiety was out of control and not normal. I had mentioned the anxiety before to my dr but had been told all new moms worry. I set up appointments with a psychiatrist who sees patients on a short term emergency basis and then refers them on for specialized long term care for the day after we arrived home from vacation.
I tried several meds before finding an ssri that agreed with me and helped- but I started feeling better as soon as i started therapy. I did EMDR and also worked on learning about the biological side of anxiety and learned a lot of coping skills. The medication side took about four months to work out. But, the first med I tried- Zoloft, did help some, just not as much as Other medications. So we stayed on the Zoloft and gradually and slowly tried other medications that ended up being more effective. I'm now on lexapro and I took it while breast feeding, weaning, ttc and pregnancy with no adverse effects on my LOs.
At 15months pp we started talking about a second baby. I was on the fence because I felt like I was only starting to come out from the shadow of PPA and was too scared it could happen again. At 20m pp I said we could try and 3 weeks later I got a positive PGT. It happened so fast and was a little scary.
My second PG I had a lot of frequent screening for antenatal depression and anxiety due to my first pg and because I developed severe pelvic girdle pain that left me temporarily disabled.
I delivered DD five days ago and she's wonderful and has been very easy so far. A 1 on the 1-10 scale of how hard a baby can be. My son was a 10+. And physically I feel better than I have in months and with some physical therapy I should be back to normal by the end of the year. And I am thankful for all of those things.
But the blues hit hard last night and I'm holding my breath to see if they pass or if the shadow is creeping over again. I have a great psychiatrist who I see tomorrow and my OB is planning on seeing me before my six week check up.
@youboots:
@MaisyMay: it sounds like things are starting to get easier. I hope they continue to do so.
@Jackiedavis87: that sounds so so scary and hard. I remember hating my husband after my first child was born and having the same fantasy about just leaving my family. It's really hard and tough. I'm so glad you're having success seeing someone and that things are looking up. I'm high sleep needs too and the lack of sleep when they're newborns is brutal. Thank you for sharing your story. And it sounds dumb, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to have enough sleep. I wish I was like my husband who can go for weeks on a few hours a night but I just can't.
@pachamama: thank you! And it is so good to know that by week 8 you felt like yourself again.
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@akcoffeebean: yes, I have moments of,real not these days again. I never thought I would.
To add, when the sun went down is when things got especially bad. I know a lot of women who agree.. Dusk was hard for some reason. Maybe because newborns at night are soooo hard.
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Sending so, so much love. I had really severe PPA/PPD after both of my losses and the birth of my daughter in 2014. I got help via my OB and PCP, but I only recently started to see a therapist and psychiatrist. It has made a WORLD of difference.
Know that you are not alone!!
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I meant to say JOY - real joy
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I'm working through PPD with DD. I had two terrible, scary hormone drops in the hospital after my c-section, and mild depression during my (too short) maternity leave. At 8wk pp I got an IUD and went back to work, and emotionally shut down. I could listen to DD scream for an entire car ride home and not care. That was a huge red flag, because normally the sound of her screaming makes me want to rip my skin off. I started swinging between feeling very overwhelmed and completely disconnected...flat.
I'm on Zoloft, which has helped a lot, but I have zero sex drive. DS has been a terrible combination of threenager and jealous older sibling. DD definitely gets shafted a lot because I'm trying to manage him (he's 3.5, she's 4 months), and I find myself feeling resentful of him, but that's a whole different post, lol.
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I had severe PPA with my first son.
It didn't come on until 4-5m pp and it manifested almost entirely as physical symptoms. I was hospitalized several times. I would have weird dizzy/lightheaded spells, stomach problems, racing heart. It took MONTHS and several doctors to figure out what was going on and I was the one that came to the conclusion.
I literally had an endoscopy, EEG, some weird stomach test where I had to eat radioactive eggs, etc etc etc. Every test came back normal and not one doctor mentioned anything about post partum issues. I finally came across a random blog post where the woman had the same kind of issues and it was PPA. I had had anxiety issues in the past, so it totally made sense.
At that point, I saw my OB, who confirmed that's exactly what was going on. Once I spoke to him about it, and he assured me that it was normal, it kind of slowly faded away on it's own. I had never heard of PPA before, only PPD...and I had no signs of depression/baby blues, so I never even considered any pp issues. I think the thing was, the longer it went undiagnosed, the more afraid I was that there was something really, really wrong, and how that would effect my tiny newborn son. It was a horrible cycle.
I should also note, I did have really bad recurring images in my head of horrible things happening to my son (mostly while I was holding him, like dropping him, etc). They would replay over and over. I just kind of chalked it up to being a new mom and being overly cautious/scared. This was totally not the case, and I shouldn't have ignored it.
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@akcoffeebean: how are you feeling? Did you see the psychiatrist?
I want to thank everyone again For sharing their stories. I read this entire thread again just now - feels less lonely. Today I got out with the baby for a little walk and then got to binge watch some shows while by DH took my toddler out. When they got home I was so emotional because as much as toddler makes nursing the baby etc so hard, (she will
Shove a doll in my hand and demand I play, or jump on my lap etc) I also missed her. We played with her dolls and I started crying for no reasom. So am still having crying spells but in general am not feeling as hopeless. -
@ValentineMommy: I have images
Of horrible things too- it makes outings very stressful sometimes because DH will give my toddler a lot more freedom in running ahead than I will. I envision a car backing out of a driveway full speed as she runs by. Or picture her dashing off the sidewalk into traffic. The other day my MIL took her to a nearby park and the entire time I was so anxious that she wouldn't hold her hand crossing the street. -
@Mrs. Carrot: i agree that it's easy to excuse anxiety as normal . I am beginning to question if I have PPA or just anxiety in general - but you've made me realize I should think about seeing someone - it would only help. But I have to work up to that ...
@lovehoneybee: I know what you mean. Managing a toddler is so so hard when you have a new baby. mine loves the new baby so so
Much but today ,
To get a rise out of me, pinched her the baby's hand and then when I was shielding the baby tries to twist her foot! -
@Jackiedavis87: oh that sounds like it was so traumatic : the blood pressure issue and dealing with a baby solid crying all night. I also know what you mean about resenting the fact that DH gets to go
To work.
My DH works In a high stress job and I told him he was lucky he got to go to work. -
@MaisyMay: I'm so
Glad that things are starting to feel better -
@youboots: that is great that therapy has helped with anxiety . I had ridiculous crazy scenarios with my first LO And still do and as I mentioned above has had me think that maybe I would benefit from seeing someone .
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I've barely found the time to post on HB since my LO2 was born 8 weeks ago but just wanted to say I can SO identify with your feelings about your toddler. I knew I was going to struggle as I started feeling sad about changing things up towards the end of my pregnancy. dS2 is a pretty easy baby and we have bonded great, and DS1s adjustment has been really good all considering - but I have had so many pangs and nostalgia for the 'way things were' when it was just DS1. I'm sure it is just an adjustment to change (I remember after ds1 was born having pangs for the days of no children!) - but it's tough to 'miss' your first born so much!
So many hugs to all you ladies who have shared stories! -
@MrsLilybugg: thank you for checking in. I did make it to my appointment and had a chance to talk to my doc. It was reassuring to see her. Right now we're keeping everything the same and she is confident that we can adjust my medication quickly if the early anxiety starts to spiral.
Last night DD slept in her swing long enough for me to play with DS and do bedtime. He wanted me to do it and we had enough time to feel reconnected. That was really nice. @MrsLilybugg: @Bubbles: thank you so much for talking about missing how things were when it was just one child. That's where I'm at and its hard. It helps to know I'm not the only one.
@ValentineMommy: the seeing bad scenarios play out in my head is one of the main components of my PPA. It's so hard and exhausting to live with them! I didn't tell anyone about it for months because I thought all new moms worry about stuff like that. I'm sorry you have/had that too.
@lovehoneybee: that sounds so scary and stressful! Do you have a good support system?
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@akcoffeebean: I am so
Glad you were able to reconnect during bedtime I hope that your routine is able to stay this way!!
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@lovehoneybee: "I started swinging between feeling very overwhelmed and completely disconnected...flat." This is where I am. A (11 weeks tomorrow) has reflux and during the day, unless she's nursing (every 1-2 hours) or sleeping (which is rare), she's screaming at me. It's so hard and I'm finding myself feeling angry with her. Angry! With this little being who can't help that she's in pain and has no way other than screaming to express that! The fact that I'm angry with her makes me angry with myself and that makes me sad. So sad.
D (3y) love love LOVES his sister - he's so good with her and constantly wants to hug and kiss her. But he's three and we're experiencing all the stuff that comes with that. And I have ZERO patience for him because my rope is already so frayed by A. So I feel like all I ever do is snap at him. And that makes me feel so terrible.
I'm going back to work on Monday and I'm hoping that being away from her and all the screaming will make me feel better. Otherwise I'm calling my OB. What I'm feeling just can't be normal.
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@littlebug: consider calling your ob even with going back to work. Adding in another demand on your time has the potential to make things worse even if you are getting away from the screaming.
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I'm a PPD/PPA "success story" so hopefully my experience could provide a little bit of hope for others. I was in a total mental tailspin that triggered very suddenly when LO was about 3.5 months old. I got help and with medication and psychiatric support and lots of reaching out to my support network, I felt completely better in just a few weeks and the difference was unbelievable. I was so much better able to bond with DD once I addressed those issues. Good luck to everyone who is struggling, it does get better.
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I've had the baby blues with both of my kids - it hits around day 4 and lasts until about day 10. It feels like I'm being tossed around in an ocean and I have no control of my emotions - I'll be happy one minute and then crying the next, even if there was no reason to cry.
Evenings both times were particularly hard for me, I think because I knew I wouldn't be sleeping much.
To the news moms out who might be reading this - the hormone dump is real and it's ok. It does get better. And if it doesn't get better, there is lots of help available. Having a baby really does a number on your hormones, so it's no wonder so many of us struggle with the transition!
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I've probably had mild depression must of my adult life but didn't know until after giving birth to DD who is now almost 3. I loved being pregnant but DH was never really interested when I was. After our daughter was born, her and I had an amazing bond, great breastfeeding but I was just tried all the time. We coslept by pure laziness on my part, so she was always in bed with DH and I.
The first weeks and then the next 3 months were so hard, because we didn't know what to do as new parents and so would take out the confusion on each other. Needless to say our marriage was not in a good place.
I started feeling after the "4th Tri" or 3 months PP, the hormones crash and just wanted to run away from everything. My husband, my wonderful baby, all my family. That's when I knew I had to go see a therapist and that this wasn't really me.
The therapist confirmed that wanting to run away, not wanting your partner or family involved, wanting to leave everything was a common part of PPD.
I went to my therapist for PPD and got onto some Effexor and Welbutrin that were okay to take while breastfeeding. This helped along with weekly sessions. After 18 months, the PPD was pretty controlled and it was now time to move on to a couples therapist to help with the marriage part.
I breastfeed for 22 months, and stopped only because I was ready to have my body back. It still took about 6 months for the hormones to level off!
The couples therapy went on for another 8 months and helped DH and I connect and know each other so much more.
I'm still on medication, and most days are great, but there are still dark days when I don't want to do anything, see anyone, talk or deal with actual life. These days I explain to my husband and he gets it sometimes, but other times it just leads to fights.
Working on yourself and doing things for yourself, as a mom is hard. But after almost 3 years, I have more days where I feel good about me and my life, than I feel awful and that a any life would be better than mine.
Sorry for the long post, but just wanted to share that it can sometimes be a long and hard struggle, but there is really a way out!
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Hello. I didn't really know where else to post this. Is it possible to start getting PPD symptoms many months postpartum? For example, 9 months postpartum.
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@schubr03: yes I would think so. Are you breastfeeding or when did you stop? Did you get your AF back already?
Hormones are crazy things that have a mind of their own and mess with you body and mind in ways you never thought possible!
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@HTownMom: I'm still breastfeeding. I have not gotten AF back yet.
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@schubr03: I would think it's possible. Or it's possible to get regular depression/anxiety at any time. Either way, if you're feeling off it's worth talking about it and getting some help. I'm sorry you're having a hard time!
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@schubr03: how're you doing? I hope things are getting easier.
I think PPA &PPD can show up anytime during the first year post partum. More importantly though- if you're having a hard time it's worth reaching out for help.
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@akcoffeebean: hi. Thank you for checking in. Things seem to be better for me right now. I am having more good days. I don't feel quite as down all the time, which is great.
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I missed this thread the first time around! I'm posting now to say that you are not alone. I had PPA but denied it for a pretty long time until I realized that some of the things I was doing were not healthy (staying up all night freaking out about every little thing that could happen to my LO is one example). I got on Zoloft and stayed on it for a year and felt worlds better. I never would have realized what PPA was, recognized it in myself or sought help for it if it weren't for brave souls on HB posting about it. I'm so thankful for all of the support here and I hope those of you that are currently dealing with PPA or PPD are finding the same support.
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@schubr03: Very much so. I don't think my PPA hit me for real until LO was 7-8 months old. Read up on late onset postpartum anxiety/depression, it's very much a thing.
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I didn't think I had PPD because the dominant problem was anxiety and then I realized PPA was a thing and I finally got Zoloft and 10 weeks PP and it was a lifesaver. I went off it without issues at 6 months and credit that, sleep training, and formula supplementation for saving me with DS1, who was severely colicky and reflux-y. His screams still haunt my dreams and he's 20 months old now!
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@schubr03: I'm glad things are looking up!
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