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@jaguar: All the love and hugs in the world!!!
Wishing you all the best at your egg retrieval!
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@jaguar: sending so many hugs your way!
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@2PeasinaPod: I hope you are feeling better
All those extra hormones must really suck. @ValentineMommy: thinking of you! I'm sorry this whole process has been so tough for you.
I just went to my OB this morning for my follow up from my D&C 2 weeks ago. Everything looks good, and she basically said we could start TTC again. She said there's no medical evidence that you need to wait for AF before starting...although she has some anecdotal evidence that it is better to wait one cycle (so til AF comes). Part of me is like, just wait til AF, it's one freakin' cycle, and the other part just wants to start right away because I want to put this whole thing behind me. Thoughts?? She also said that she would be happy to test my progesterone levels on CD 19 for the next cycle, which I am happy about, so we can hopefully see if I do in fact have a progesterone issue or if the low P with this m/c was really just due to the pregnancy not being viable. Either way, I am happy that the appt went well and everything is gone! I didn't ask her to test my HCG levels though...is that something that is standard at post m/c appts?
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@hilsy85: I never had my hcg tested afterwards. The doc did say if I didn't get my period in 8 weeks to come back though, but I always did. With both D&C's I planned to wait until after my period to starty trying again. I thought I had ovulated after D&C #2, but apparently I ovulated later than I thought because I ended up conceiving but having a chemical pregnancy. I wonder if my lining just wasn't ready to support a pregnancy just yet. I'll never know.
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@hilsy85: I am glad you had a good appointment! Honestly, I haven't done a lot of research on how long you should wait after a mc and why (mostly because I can't conceive on my own anyway so it doesn't apply to me). I would say if your OB said it's okay, then she probably wouldn't have said it if it wasn't safe. Do what feels right for you. My OB and my RE said they weren't going to test my HCG after D&C. They both agreed that my levels should be negative within about 2 weeks from D&C.
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@hilsy85: From my understanding, it's more common to test HCG for natural MCs because it's a way of making sure no tissue is left behind.
My doctor did caution that although we could start trying as soon as we wanted, that conceiving before the first period can become stressful for some because it's harder to figure out how far along you are (since you have no "last period") and people get freaked out if the dating scan is done too early.
I'm glad things are looking good for you!
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@jaguar: waiting sucks. I hope the retrieval goes well today though!
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@hilsy85: My OB just had me check a pregnancy test (to make sure it was negative) a couple of weeks after my follow-up. My RE, on the other hand, insisted on following the betas to "0".
I think waiting a cycle, just to observe a "normal" period, was helpful to me. I think if you feel physically and emotionally ready, it should be okay to try again right away, though! -
@MaryM: I wouldn't worry about that so much, since i have some sense of when I would ovulate this cycle (my OB estimated in a week and a half based on my follicles, and I'm temping/could use OPKs). It's more the fear that I would have another m/c...even though it seems that there's no medical evidence that's more likely. And thank you for the info about HCG, that makes sense--she was able to see that there was nothing there with an U/S so I guess HCG levels were not necessary.
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@FliegepilzHut: My OB didn't say anything about a pregnancy test...I guess I could take one anyway, but it seems like it would definitively come up negative? I am definitely ready to start TTC ASAP! I hate hate the waiting aspect...
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@Tidybee: yeah I would hate to have that same question....I KNOW it's only a few more weeks to wait, but I feel so antsy/ready. How are YOU doing, btw? how are you feeling??
@Sunshine1810: thank you for chiming in! I agree that if there was a real reason to wait she would encourage me to do so, and she didn't...
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@hilsy85: our doc (and DH) made me take the next cycle off and it felt like it would be years before we could try again. Now knowing we'd get pregnant right away would have made it easier but you never can be sure! I do remember saying to @winniebee that it was nice for once to not be paying attention to my cycle or when AF was due.
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@hilsy85: as for me - I'm still hanging in there. I feel fine which scares me, but I haven't had any spotting which is the longest I've ever gone without spotting in a pregnancy, so I'm trying to be hopeful. I have my first ultrasound on Tuesday at 7w2d so just hoping all is okay in there.
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@hilsy85: So glad your appointment went well! Regarding waiting, I don't have any personal advice but everyone else seems to have covered it. If your dr says its ok and you feel ready mentally, then I say go for it if you want to!
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@hilsy85: The question I asked myself when I was deciding was "if I got pregnant and then something happened, would I blame myself?" My answer was yes, so I chose to wait. I don't necessarily think that's the right answer, but I knew it was right for me. Maybe ask yourself the same?
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@Jess1483: I felt exactly the same way! I was afraid if I did get pregnant and something happened, I knew I would totally blame myself (no matter what anyone else said or any evidence to the contrary).
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@hilsy85: Glad to hear your appointment went well considering! Just to echo everyone else, I decided to wait a month to give my uterus time to build up lining. I am glad we waited because I would have had a hard time not blaming myself if things went south. Your body definitely deserves some rest...and so do you!
I know the wait is hard but I don't think you'll regret it.
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My doctor told me to wait 6 months after a blighted ovum and incompete miscarriage. ...crazy! Straight up, not taking that advice. She also said no DTD for a month after, that HCG doubles every 36-48hrs up through 10 weeks, and that ectopic pregnancies are impossible to see using ultrasound tech......um, no, no, and no.
I can definitely understand the desire to start TTC again, but we're waiting until at least the first AF for the reasons the other listed above. We might even wait out that first "normal cycle," but that depends on how early or late it starts. I also was thinking of NTNP, but I think NTNP is almost impossible though bc I how much I know about my cycles.
Here's to hoping for good things around the holidays....
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@DesertDreams88: While my doctor said I should wait one full cycle (mostly for dating purposes), my acupuncturist also said to wait 6 months. He said that's how long (in Chinese medicine) that they believe it takes for your body's nutrients to build back up and give you the best chance for success. He said it doesn't matter what type of mc you have. While I trust this man (a lot), I've heard of many many people have successful pregnancies after a mc, because that 6 month mark.
I think it's all opinion. Everyone needs to do what they feel is best for them.....cause it all sucks. To have to think about this sucks!
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@DesertDreams88: that's crazy that he hold you to wait that long for really no reason!! Are you sticking with him in the future? I also feel like NTNP is impossible once you've done any thinking about your fertility signs in the past.
@ValentineMommy: yeah....I definitely would not want to wait 6 months unless it was medically indicated. @simplyfelicity: @Jess1483: @HappyBluebird: thanks for the input! I guess the point is probably moot since it's very unlikely I would get pregnant this month any way. I'm guessing we won't try very hard, but probably won't necessarily avoid either. Thank goodness for the holidays--that should make time go back quickly.
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Newbie here. Just miscarried this last weekend. This is the third MC for my husband and I, although this is the first one since we got married. That's made it extra difficult for me to deal with. Now that we're married, we just want to start our family.
I was only about 5 weeks and my beta levels never got very high. We knew this was coming from the second we got the news. My doctor is telling me it's a chemical pregnancy, not a MC, but of course that doesn't make me feel any better. And she's said that we can TTC again after 2 periods.
My work has been incredible, letting me take a week off work and resting throughout the day now that I'm back. I tire very easily. But my support system at home isn't the best. DH has been wonderful, but he doesn't want to talk about it, just move forward. And none of my friends or family have been through this. So I get a lot of "Well you had two MCs so you knew this was a possibility," and "You've been through this before, isn't it easier this time?" Not very helpful.
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@KrzyRiver: "My doctor is telling me it's a chemical pregnancy, not a MC, but of course that doesn't make me feel any better."
Uh...a chemical pregnancy IS a miscarriage! (albeit a very early miscarriage...but it's still a miscarriage. http://miscarriage.about.com/od/onetimemiscarriages/p/chemicalpreg.htm)
I'm really sorry that you don't have much support in your every day life. But I'm glad that you've found this group here. As much as it sucks to have to be a part of it, it's been a really great place to find support and solidarity.
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@KrzyRiver: Hey. I just wanted to tell you again that I am so, so sorry you are going through this. It wasn't clear from your post...will you and DH be trying for LO#1? It sounds like your OB said to "just try again"...but after 3 (especially consecutive) MC, I would think hard about doing some evaluation (labs, imaging) for recurrent loss!
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@KrzyRiver: A sad welcome to our group, I'm sorry for your losses but I think you'll find the support you need here. A CP is definitely a miscarriage and I'm sorry your doctor is saying otherwise.
My DH was hesitant to talk about it too sometimes. I thought it would make him more sad if I brought it up often so I didn't. Eventually we had to talk it out and we both got an understanding of where the other one was coming from and how we both felt. I'm sorry people said those things to you as well.
I hope you get the support you need here, this is a great group of ladies who understand!
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@MaryM: Lol. That's exactly what I said to my doctor. I think she was trying to be reassuring. I get that she doesn't consider it something to worry about in terms of my chances next time, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.
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@FliegepilzHut: Thank you so much. We ran some tests after our second MC, and everything looks OK. My fertility specialist is confident that we will be successful with a little help. DH and I are not letting our bad luck discourage us. Although I'm not sure that I'll want to try for a second if we ever get LO#1. My husband has a son from a previous relationship, so I think I could be happy with one baby and my stepson.
@HappyBluebird: Thank so much. DH didn't say a word to me after our second MC. I found out much later that he'd had a break down and never came to me for support. So I made him sit down and talk to me the day this one happened. But now he's content to look to the future. I understand why, but I'm still dealing with it and don't feel like I can talk to him about it.
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@KrzyRiver: My primary OBGYN said "At least we know you can get pregnant!" when I had mine. I have PCOS, so I guess she figured it was a step in the right direction? Still...way wrong thing to say!! (I started seeing another doc in the practice for everything pregnancy related)
And I second what @HappyBluebird: said about dealing with the spouse. It took a while to come to terms with the fact that DH and I grieve in very different ways. While I enjoy a good ole funk and internalize things a lot, he focuses on being positive. Sometimes I found that insulting. I would be sitting on the couch in a funk, and meanwhile he was super focused on all our friends who were having babies (and there have been a lot of them since the MC) because he was (and is) SO SURE that we'll be having a baby soon. I just don't share his naive positivity! And I hated hearing about all these other people who got to bring home their babies.
I strongly encourage making it clear what you each need and finding some middle ground. DH was afraid to talk about it because he was afraid of making me sad. I had to convince him that him NOT talking about it made me feel like he didn't care about what I was going through and that made me feel worse.
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@KrzyRiver: I'm glad.
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@KrzyRiver: My DH was similar about not wanting to be emotional around me. He's very old school and all about being strong for me.
I got a few drinks in him one night and we were able to both be emotional and feel a bit better though. But I've known him for 10 years and only seen him emotional that one time, and one night after his father passed away.
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@MaryM: Oh my God. I hate when people say that to me! At this point, I just respond with "Well we've known that for years. I wanna know if I can friggin STAY pregnant." Then they feel guilty and I don't feel any better either. Lol.
And I know exactly what you mean about the naïve positivity. I love him so much, I know I need his positivity, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood to hear it! He's slowly opening up to me emotionally, but I know it will take a long time. I'm fighting against 34 years of him keeping everything bottled up.
But I don't think this one is as hard for him. We knew from the start that this pregnancy probably wouldn't stick. But I didn't let myself think that way. I knew that if there was even a slim chance for this pregnancy to make it, any stress and depression wouldn't help. So I let myself get all psyched about the baby, and I don't think he let himself think about it too much.
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@KrzyRiver: I'm sorry for your loss. We just recently had a chemical pregnancy, and my FS was lovely & told me it was a miscarriage, just a very early one. Big hugs.
Well, our TTC stuff is done for the year. 8 day-1 embryos in the freezer, ready to grow out in January. And now we wait. (And probably watch every woman ad their dog get knocked up around us in the meantime.)
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@jaguar: Thank you. It's funny that you say everyone and their dog. DH's best friend bred her lab about a week before I found out I was pregnant. They got confirmation of pregnancy a couple days after I MCed. I literally looked at the dog and was like "Seriously? You're going to do this to me???" Lol
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@KrzyRiver: Yep, it's pretty freaking typical around these parts. Hang out with me, and you'll end up knocked up.
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@KrzyRiver: I am so incredibly sorry for your losses, but I hope you will find some support and solace with our little group here.
You, without a doubt, experienced a miscarriage and I am so sorry people have tried to diminish it.
One of the worst aspects to my miscarriage was how lonely I felt since not many people I know have experienced one or offer those horrible platitudes...I guarantee you won't hear any of that here. My husband, too, is not very emotional. He was disappointed, worried about me and sad but that was about it. I had to give him slack that he didn't "know" the baby like I did.
Anyway, wishing you all the best in the journey ahead. We are here for you. -
For anyone who wonders why they can't just get over it already...
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Hi ladies - what a supportive community you've created here. I'm apparently in the middle of my first miscarriage. HCG only at 20 at 22DPO. Another beta on Tuesday. This waiting waiting waiting is the worst. I really just want to start bleeding NOW if that's what going to happen. Meanwhile, my temp rose this morning after days of going down. WTF is going on? The few friends I've told have shared with me their own miscarriage stories. I didn't know one of them had gone through this. It's amazing how isolating it can be. I'm happy to have all of you and these close friends to talk to.
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@BlueWolverine: Again I'm so sorry for your loss and for the waiting and confusion. I also didn't know how many people around me had actually had a m/c too. It should be a time where you can be supported by those around you but it really is isolating. I'm glad you have some IRL close friends for support and I hope you find this board as helpful as I did!
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@MaryM: That's a great article. Thank you for sharing!
@BlueWolverine: I'm so sorry for your loss...and waiting is the absolute worst.
I would stop temping/testing unless it comforts you. Hang in there! Allow yourself to feel all the feels...and hopefully you'll be on to better times soon! -
@jaguar: Sorry I missed your update in the middle of the back and forth. I'm sorry you are done for the year.
Fingers crossed and many prayers for January! -
@BlueWolverine: I'm sorry you're having to go through the awful process of waiting for things to happen. It really is the worst.
On my way home last night, I found myself listening to this song (really really loudly) on repeat.
I felt like it gave me permission to be emotional (something I'm not good at allowing myself to do), but at the same time, I like the reminder that "nothing stays the same." I found that really hopeful.
Wishing you all the best at your egg retrieval!
I think waiting a cycle, just to observe a "normal" period, was helpful to me. I think if you feel physically and emotionally ready, it should be okay to try again right away, though! 
I know the wait is hard but I don't think you'll regret it.
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