I'll start by making the back story as short as possible..... this is a huge stressor for DH and I, it's all so too bad, and I hate that it happened.

We live in Ontario, DH is from Nova Scotia (Eastern Canada) a 17 hr drive/2 hr plane ride away. 1st Christmas together until now I have flown home with him for Christmas for 2w each year. Never been a problem, my family is ok "giving me up" over Christmas, we always do something before/after, it's not the same, but I truly do love Christmas with DH and his family.

This summer when we were there for 3 weeks DH spoke to his parents and said that when the baby comes (October) they are of course welcome to come visit, however after seeing them with SIL/BIL/their LO we didn't want them to be as hands on, so discussed "boundaries" and what we'd be comfortable with. MIL is a retired nurse of 35 years....hands off is not really her thing, I knew I would have issues with that. I want to learn, I want to make mistakes, so long as baby is healthy/happy.

Fast forward to late Oct. We had LO Oct 20th, home Oct 21st, DHs parents flew in Oct 23rd for 3 weeks. It started with only getting 2 nights home with newborn, they didn't ask us when they should come, or for how long -however I understand their excitement.

We also said in the summer that we weren't booking our Christmas travel for this year until we were sure everything was ok with LO and even if we paid through the nose, we wanted to wait and just make sure everything was ok......DH and I left it to be discussed "mid to late November".

Sunday night of week 1 of them here, at the dinner table, LO sleeping, they announced they booked 9 days of Christmas travel for us.....

Didn't ask us what dates might work, didn't ask us what our Christmas plans might be......nothing just thought they were doing nothing but good offering us the trip. I won't lie, I lost my shit at the table, one, overwhelmed/tired new Mom, two, we rely on my family to house sit, and dog sit while we are away, while they certainly don't mind, we hadn't even asked them what dates work for them. Shit hit the fan, the trip was then cancelled that evening. I told them sorry (while losing my shit) to seem ungrateful, but we just wanted time to settle in, and then figure out what might work for us this year.

DH and I went for walk that night to blow off steam, just blown away....we moved on, said we'd discuss in a few weeks.

FIL flew home next day, he is not yet retired, and home he went to work.

There was then a week of MIL locking herself in her room (in our house), calling me down to DH, critiquing me, and all sorts of not fun nastiness that then led to her flying home that Saturday, cutting the trip short by about 10 days.

She was homesick, as she never really goes away, and I think the combo of the three of us (two of us, she and I daytime) never away from each other, everyone went a little crazy. I think she expected me to be a slug on the couch. No part of me is a slug, I am busy, and like to be busy, even as a new Mom. She didn't like it and took it as me rejecting her help.

She put DH in a very vulnerable position, he was beyond hurt, upset for the few days before she left, and then big time once she was gone. He already feels like the outcast sometimes being the only one in his family away. She called me some mean, nasty, awful things, and accused me of some insane things......why she told DH, and why he told me is beyond me. Totally screwed me in terms of ever trusting her again. DH said he lost a ton of respect for her, and obviously beyond her feeling like I "rejected" her help, she caused more harm/stress than any help with everything that happened.

We're now (lol....hard to make this story short) a few weeks past it. It's on mine and DH's mind daily, though not a whole lot to talk about as it's like beating a dead horse with the questions......and the w-t-f's, bigtime stressor, even now.

DH and I have said we need to get out there at Christmas, not for him, for me, or even his parents, but for his aging Grandparents, his brothers/SILs, and family.....we really want everyone to meet LO!

We agreed on dates. and then I said.....let's stay in a hotel. That way if things are awkward we can walk away at night and have our own space. The small town, East Coast person my DH is absolutely beyond outright rejects that thought and at this point says he'd not go before he'd hotel it.

I don't feel comfortable staying with his parents now, would I do it? For him, yes. Would I hate every minute of it, absolutely.

My case for hotel would be nice for nighttime nursing, LO fussing, just having our own space to not worry about space, noise, etc. On top of that, getting the space/break from MIL. Their house isn't big, and no TV to just even relax and go mindless, I know that sounds silly, but there's no space to just sit and mindlessly veg out in their house.

He says it would upset his parents, and is just such a foreign thing to do that he'd rather just not go.

I don't even know what to do. I have a feeling we will end up staying with his parents, do I just need to get over myself? I feel like MIL will just be ready to jump all over me, judge me, and be stupid all over again. I get the homesick stuff, the too much time together stuff, but the bashing/critiquing/how she made DH feel stuff I seriously am going to grudge on forever. She has said to him "water under the bridge" blah blah, never apologized. I don't even want an apology (though, would be nice) I just want her to own up to DH on how she hurt him.

I know I am lucky DH took my side and I think we became stronger through it all at such a tough time, I am just really struggling with how to move forward with his Mom. It seriously sucks. I want to go, I just don't want to be around her more than I have to be.

Dare I ask if anyone has dealt with anything like this?!

Any tips or advice on what I should do?

If I do stay there, any coping techniques? (lol)