So I guess I really haven't done a lot of research on PPD. Does PPD have to only concern your relationship with your baby? I feel like I am very disconnected to my husband and I feel pretty lonely. When he is home and trying to be nice and lovey to me, I tend to push him away and don't really want him to be close to me. I feel sad because I want to feel that flame again, but I just can't right now. I feel too overwhelmed by being a mom. I put the baby first.
I guess my question is, can PPD be related to my relationship with my husband. Is this something I should talk to a doctor about? And if it is, do I talk to my OB/GYN or someone else?
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@schubr03: how old is your baby? I definitely had PPD with my first, but I don't think I do this time. I feel exactly how you outlined above. Baby is three mo old. I think it can take a while to get back in the groove of being a wife/partner/friend while also being a mom. I think that's pretty normal. But if it's starting to affect your general happiness or well being I would bring it up with your doc or a therapist if you want another perspective!
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@maybebaby: she is 8 months. But I have felt this way for a while.
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@schubr03: have you been able to talk to him about it? It's so way to feel touched out when caring for a baby, especially if you're BFing. Sometimes I feel like when my husband comes home I just don't want to care for anyone else after caring for a baby all day. Is that what you mean?
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Things that helped last time. Once baby is in bed, take a hot bath, drink a glass of wine, get out of mommy mode and try to feel like myself again. Also spending time with friends in the evening to get in a non mommy headspace actually did loads for my mental health which made me feel more open to enjoying time with my husband again.
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@maybebaby: definitely. Sometimes it's just like he is so needy and wants to touch and hug and I just don't feel like it. We do talk a little about it, but I don't think he really understands.
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I feel this way sometimes too. DS is four months old. I think it'll get better as our lo's get older. I try to give DH some cuddles but most of the time, I'm not into it
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Again I do think this is very common and normal but it sucks. I try to explain the touches out aspect and he gets it as much as he can. If you don't already have lots of opportunities for yourself (friends, gym, solo time on weekends etc), try to up that so that you can feel like something other than mom. That will help you feel more open to him!
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@maybebaby: I think that will help! I really don't have much alone time. I am always with DD so I always feel like mommy.
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short answer:yes. Sounds like me 4 years ago.
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@schubr03: I wouldn't necessarily call it PPD (I am no expert) but that you are all out of "feels" for the day. You've had a baby physically attached to you all day, the last thing you want is another person who has physical needs to be met. I totally get it. I don't know if there is an answer other than this is just a season in life.
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@simplyfelicity: that is definitely how I feel. I just don't want more "feels."
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Based on that alone I wouldn't say it's PPD, but if the question is whether it can affect your relationship with your husband or others I definitely think it can. I've had PPD before and I didn't feel that way toward my husband, I felt like I desperately needed him. But I don't have it now and I do feel that way sometimes. (My kids are 3.5 and 5 months.) So I wouldn't base it just on that.
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@schubr03: I don't know that it's PPD, but even if it is, I know one side effect of Zoloft for me when I had PPD/PPA was that I had zero sex drive or any kind of mushy feels. That and my son was a colicky refluxy screaming mess so I was just done every day. It was really hard because my husband is someone who needs lots of physical affection and words of affirmation to feel loved. And I felt horrible because he really as trying the best he could to help me with the baby and to be encouraging and tell me he loved and appreciated me and even when I was an unshowered dirty zombie mess he told me how beautiful I was.
Here was our solution: I just went through the motions. My husband knew it, we talked about my lack of drive and affection openly, and we just acknowledged it was a phase but that if we didn't at least fake it, we were just going to drift. We scheduled sex, we sleeptrained our son so we could share a bed again, we went out on a Tuesday night date even if it was a quick bite and an errand, and I endeavors to give him a big hug every night when he came home. I told him I loved him every day even if it was robotic, and I tried to find small ways to show my affection. I would send him text messages saying thank you for emptying the dishwasher, I tried to cook him a favorite meal or dessert, and I regularly acknowledged that I knew it sucked that I felt so blah. But my husband just said he knew it was the PPD and the drugs and that I was still me inside and that he knew I loved him and that we would get through it.
And we did. I was diagnosed at 11 weeks postpartum and I was on Zoloft until 6 months post partum. I felt more like myself within a month of coming off the meds and loads better when I weaned to formula at 9.5 months. And we are really great.
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@schubr03: I definitely needed a break between being a mom and being a wife. One time my husband tried to snuggle with me after I'd been nursing all day and I pushed him away because I just needed time to myself without being touched! See if taking dedicated time to yourself in the evening helps you feel like you can be there for him later on? Or maybe on the weekend if he is able to take the baby for a few hours and you get a break, maybe it will help you feel more connected to him? Hope you feel better soon.
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