I’m 8 wks postpartum with LO2 and have been breastfeeding her and pumping (I breastfed and pumped for LO1 for exactly one year). Although my postpartum depression has gotten better compared to the first 3 wks, breastfeeding and pumping are still triggers of it and I feel like I’m in such a bad place right now. It’s like a switch went off when she turned 6 wks and she just hasn’t seemed interested in breastfeeding. I also have oversupply that has led to a number of plugged ducts which are insanely time consuming to treat. I’ve been forcing myself to keep breastfeeding, thinking it would help me bond with her more but I gave her a bottle myself for the first time today (usually DH or my MIL do the bottle feedings), and it felt so freeing! I wasn’t anxious or stressed about how she’d Latch, if she’d nurse enough, whether she was going to fuss and fight me (which has been happening a lot lately—after she has latched off one side, I offer the other and she will sometimes cry bloody murder and it makes me feel horrible).
I feel like I’m getting closer to understanding the root of this part of my PPD and I don’t want to breastfeed any longer. This makes me sad and nervous (what if I have regrets?) but I am about to lose my sanity! I am going back to work in January and want to wean from pumping and slowly transition to all formula. I am seeking advice/input on how to do this, and I would love to hear any personal experiences that may be similar. If anyone has any words encouragement, that would also be greatly appreciated!