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Ugggghhhhh to this: "It seems like ppl have been negative ( his mom etc) that it’s “too much” .... because DH is not a parent, just a babysitter, right? Makes me so mad.

How does your DH actually feel about this? Does he feel confident? Sounds like it's other people putting their opinions on you guys that is making the trouble. Dads are parents, too.

My DH is a big part of our LO's life and has done drop off or pick up all her life.

What makes it easy - have a routine.
Will DH wake up DS? I lay out LO's clothes the night before. That helps because I do the laundry and know where everything is.

Take the dog out as soon as he goes downstairs. Then that is done and he doesn't have to think, "did I already do that or did I forget?"

Will DH have to pack a bag for him or will you do that?

What about dropping off DS's stuff? Is there a bag he will drop off with him with diapers, wipes, etc? Or can you just drop him off and go? Plan for that.

I just have to reiterate, Dads are parents, too.

@mediagirl: HA, I lost it on my FIL one time when he kept saying how unfair it was that I made husband babysit our son too often (and by that, dad stayed home from the grocery store with the child so neither one of them had to endure a shopping trip and I could maintain my sanity)

I guess I don't really understand the question... how do you manage now? Definitely not trying to be rude but I assume he's capable of figuring out how to get himself and your son ready. Here's what we do:

6:00 - I wake up and get ready
6:30 - DH wakes up and gets ready
6:45 - DH wakes up DD and gets her dressed while I pack lunches
7:00 - I do DD's hair, get her in car, etc. and head to daycare

ETA - I set out clothes and shoes for DD at night so DH doesn't put her in something ridiculous that doesn't match. He's a grown man and still can't figure out what colors go together

I would let him figure out his routine when the time comes. He’ll manage just fine! Then he can let you know what would be helpful to accomplish in the evenings beforehand. If it’s not “too much” for mom then it’s not too much for dad! My DH will be dropping off our kids at their new daycare and I’ll be picking them up. My work hours are set and his are a bit more fluid. Dividing this way means they can be picked up by 4 each day and don’t have to get there at 6 am. Food is provided so we will make sure the other bags are packed and by the door the night before as well as set out clothes.

Pack what you can in the car the night before, make sure that a week's worth of outfits are put in a place where they are easily accessible if there is going to be changing out of pajamas in the morning,

Plan for your son to wake up early, then be pleasantly surprised when you have extra time in the morning. I would rather be up early and have extra time, than up late counting on my kid to be asleep and then have to deal with juggling in the morning. I wake up a full hour before my son does and it's heaven on earth!

I agree with others that I don't see how this is different from you doing drop off. Establish a morning routine that works for your family. I wasn't perfect when I started out but I figured it out along the way. So will he!

I guess I’d like to know what your husband feels nervous about. Is it that he’s worried that your son will cry at drop off? I don’t understand the “too much” thing, it seems like he literally just has to get a toddler out of bed, into clothes, and into the car, right? He isn’t even feeding him?

My biggest general suggestion for having mornings run smoothly is to get yourself ready while the kids are asleep, then you’re set and once they get up you can focus on their needs.

I think I'm confused as to what the problem is, like others have said. If you're currently doing morning drop-off, can't you just tell your Husband what you do and what works for you and then let him figure it out himself? My husband always does drop-offs, so he has a set routine that works for him, so the few times I've had to do it, I've asked his routine and it all goes smoothly for me. Same with pick-up, I always do that so if Hubs is doing it a day, I'll give him tips. But even without that, we both can just figure it out.

Here's our routine though (although no dog to put into the mix):

Hubs gets up and gets showered/dressed. Then he goes upstairs and gets the kids changed and dressed. Everyone back downstairs for a quick breakfast (the kids eat a fuller breakfast at school, so this is more of a snack). Brush teeth, put on shoes and jacks, then grab their daycare bags from the front hall (I get those ready for them the night before) and off they go!

I get what everyone else is saying. Between DH & I, we both know that I'm the "better" parent, as in I just have more patience and am better at dealing with babies/toddlers. We are both involved 100% and DH does a lot that I don't do, for example he cooks, buys all groceries, and does all drop off/pick ups. With that said, he is just not geared to be great at taking care of little people (he'd be great at parenting teens later on), so while he puts in 110% effort, when he has to solo them I do try to make it as easy as possible for him. Do I NEED to? I guess no but we're a team and if he'd go out of the way to make sure we're fed when he's not home, then I also go out of my way to make things easier for him when he has to solo both our kids. Anyway...

On days where I have to leave early to commute into our other office for meetings, we just prep everything possible the night before (btw we have 2 kids, 3.5 and 1.5). When they were younger, I'd let them sleep in next day's outfits even. Otherwise, I'd lay out all their clothes. So the next morning he literally just has to finish up packing their bags, make them breakfast and dress them. We let them watch TV for an hour in the morning anyway so they're usually not too all over us.

I agree with others. I wouldn't try to "help" your DH with a routine unless he asks for your help in figuring it out! He's as much a parent as you are. See how much help he needs before you tell him how he should be doing things.

For us, I make bottles and DH washes them (it's an agreement we made when I was puming and burned out and my fingers were cracking from doing SO many dishes!)

So the night before, I pack DS's "lunch" for the day. I also pack mine.

On Friday afternoons, I pick out DS's clothes for the week. I have a hanging organizer in his closet where I put his clothes for the week. When we're getting him ready for bed, I pull out the next day's clothes.

Since going back to work, I shower at night after DS is in bed. I wake up at 6, get ready and dressed, and grab the lunches from the fridge. I wake DS by 6:30, give him a bottle if he needs it, get him dressed, and then we go to daycare.

If we had a dog (and a fence), I imagine I'd let it out when I woke up so it could do it's business while I got ready.

I do drop off and DH does pick up. The extent of me guiding DH on how to do pick up was telling him where they stored the car seat (when he was in a bucket seat) and telling him the teacher will bag up the empty bottles and give him a paper at the end of the day outlining his meals and sleep. Other than that, DH is an adult and can figure out what routine works best for him.

He did drop off once. I let him figure out what works best. I think he dropped off the baby and then got ready for work. Whatever works for him is fine with me, as long as the baby is somewhere safe and being watched.

My husband does pickup most days, but we tried drop off with a similar routine at that age. They all got up at 630. They took the dog on a stroller walk. They came home around 715, ate, got dressed, and went.

What helped was that I had the bags and lunches packed and that I was gone before LO woke up. Dh showered and shaved at night. It was fine. The only reason we switched was dh switched jobs.

It bothers me when people (like your MIL) act like dads aren’t capable. Because of our schedules, DH has always done the morning routine and drop off, and people have definitely made comments before about how lucky I am that he helps out. Uh, no. He’s just as much a parent as me. The double standard is aggravating.

Anyway, to make mornings easier on all of us, we do as much the night before as possible (pack bags, lay out clothes, etc). It’s easiest if DH gets ready before our girls are up, but if he doesn’t, our younger DD (your son’s age) just plays in the bathroom with him while he gets ready. He gets both girls a quick breakfast (eggs, toast, etc), and when they’re done he gets DD2 dressed while DD1 (4) gets herself dressed. They brush their teeth right before they walk out the door.

I leave soon after the girls get up, so the only thing I help with is doing our older daughter’s hair. Otherwise it’s the daddy show.

I know mornings are a bit hectic, but he’s told me he likes having this time with them. When he is gone and I have to do the morning routine, my older DD doesn’t like it as she’s used to having daddy there.

@cake2017: I agree that prepping everything the night before is key!

One tip I read on here before was to keep your kid's shoes in the car, right underneath the car seat. That way no battle to put them on and you don't forget them at home, just put them on when buckle them in the car seat!

@Tanjowen: I have definitely used the car seat as a restraint to get shoes on my semi feral toddler.

@Tanjowen: ah yes, I remember that one time I had to make an emergency trip to Target b/c we left w/o shoes and were too far from home to go back...

I think the best way for your husband to build confidence is to figure it out and completely handle mornings himself, it is just a matter of practice. FWIW my husband is much better at handling the kids than I am, largely because he has much more solo time with them.

One suggestion for if your husband wants to shower in the morning after the toddler is up is to have them shower together, especially because it seems like they will have plenty of time.

@cake2017: I leave for work at 6:45 am, and it's all Dh after that. I pack the kids lunches the night before, but he feeds them breakfast, dresses them, does their hair 50% of the time (if they are up and I have time, I'll do it before I leave) and he packs their backpacks and water bottles. For the last year, then he walked DD1 to school. Next year, he'll have to walk both kids to school and it's at two different schools.

So I think he manages it well because he wakes up early-- he's up at 6, whether or not the kids are up. But they do wake up early, around 6-6:15 usually. Basically he wakes up and makes their breakfast and when they wake up he immediately has them potty, brush teeth, and change. Then he leaves them to eat while he takes a quick shower. At this point, I'm usually doing my hair in the bathroom by the living room so I kind of keep an eye for choking purposes but I don't sit with them at all. When he comes out of the shower, he will sit with them till they are done, and this is typically when I'm out the door. So they are eating breakfast by 6:45 am as I leave. I assume they probably finish around 7:15, and then DH let's them play while he dresses and packs their bag. Then he does their hair if he has to and they are out the door by 7:45-8am. Then he'll drop thebkids at before care and walk to the bus. He's got it down to a science. He even makes a real breakfast most mornings--fresh fruit, eggs, toast, pancakes, etc. or in winter oatmeal.