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@ellewoods84: Tough questions!
The consensus among many in the things I've read (and you've probably read too) seems to be that 4 months is the "optimal" time to sleep train. But you have to do what works for you. As has been alluded to, if this is exhausting/overwhelming you and interfering with your functioning, that isn't healthy. You are definitely in a good place for getting lots of good advice here!
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@shellio:
did you train for night sleep or naps? I'm planning to nap train at 14 wks but I can already tell it's going to be hard...
I think this subject is very personal and it's the parents that must be ok with it, whatever age that may be....
@ellewoods84:I think Weissbluth says you can sleep train as early as 6 weeks if the parents are exhausted and out of options., between 8-16 weeks for "normal fussy" babies (ie non-colicky), and after 16wks for colicky or extremely fussy babies. But at the end of the day, you have to do what feels right for you and your baby. -
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I'm all for cio, did it with both kids, but never at 7 weeks.
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oookay, so I have 2 boys, 16 months apart, and I sleep trained them (swaddle, paci, and crying, replace paci once or twice) around 8 weeks or so. I think earlier for my first. it was hard watching them cry the first few days, but seriously, they've been falling asleep on their own since then with zero problems, and sttn 11-12 hrs at 3 months (LO1) and 5 months (LO2).
I would say most of the people I know do somewhat the same thing as me, and they're all good!
as people above have said, all babies are different, but I do stand by what we chose to do :).
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We sleep trained really early... and I wrote a couple posts on it. I wrote them despite some hesitation and fear of judgment because I knew that it might help even a handful of mom's who were in the same boat as me.
There are some pretty judgmental tones on this thread, but each family has to make decisions based on what they think is best for them and their baby. We're all just doing the best we can. Nobody needs to feel sorry for my happy-go-lucky, rambunctious daughter. At 3.5 years old, she's just fine.
http://www.hellobee.com/2012/09/28/sleep-training-noelle-part-ii/
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@ellewoods84: No, I don't agree with CIO at all for us, especially not for a baby that young. Around 12 weeks, I started trying to slowly wean my daughter off the rocking her in my arms to sleep. I did it on nights when I wasn't tired and pretty much would lie her down very drowsy. If she woke up, I would pat her/rub her head/jiggle the PNP a bit, hold the paci in her mouth, etc. It usually took a good 20-30 minutes to get her to go to sleep "on her own" but gradually it took less and less time. Now at 5 months, she falls asleep in her crib from drowsy within 5 minutes or from awake within 15 minutes with very little intervention. Sometimes she needs a paci replacement or pat, but never more than 10-15 seconds of it once, twice tops. She never needs anything in the middle of the night to go back to sleep (other than her one night feeding).
I found that reading up on why babies wake at night, how their sleep cycles work, and their ability (or lack thereof) to actually self soothe helped me make my decision on how we would approach sleep.
This is one of my favorite articles on the topic: http://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/
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@BabyTsMom: We did it for both night sleep and naps as there were no other options, as in, he wasn't going to sleep any other way anyway and he actually cried much much less during and after the sleep training days than he did before.
@Mrs. High Heels: THANK YOU for your posts as they were very helpful to me when we were struggling with the early sleep training. Always lots of judgement surrounding this topic
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@shellio: Thanks for letting me know! It makes me glad I wrote it.
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@Mrs. High Heels: ditto what @shellio said. I've bookmarked your post for when we train our LO, which is coming up soon. thank you so much for putting your experience out there for us.
@shellio: I hope this will be our experience too. He cries so much when I put him down for naps anyway. How long did it take for you to train your LO? Does he now go down for naps without much fuss? -
@BabyTsMom: Crying before going to sleep decreased quickly but it wasn't like the miraculous success so many seem to experience. I would say a few days? We did see an immediate improvement in mood though and that was so huge for us. His schedule was very consistent and he went down well for naps 80-90% of the time without fuss until the last couple of weeks (8 mos) and now we are having some difficulty. But I don't regret doing it so early.
Of note - his daytime sleep has always been a struggle and he had trouble learning to fall asleep but from early on, he would go right back to sleep after waking for overnight feeds so I guess technically we never had to train for night waking.
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@BabyTsMom: Thanks! Good luck, I hope it goes smoothly for you!
@BabyTsMom: @shellio: We didn't night train for the MOTN night wakings either. We did CIO mainly for the first stretch of sleep at night (so the 7 pm sleep), and usually let her fuss for 5-10 min for MOTN wakings, and if she didn't settle herself after that we would go get her, hold her, and put her back to sleep. After we sleep trained though, she was able to settle herself on her own the majority of the time.
Since we sleep trained early, she still had one MOTN wake-up for a few more months. She would wake up around 4 am like clockwork, so I'd nurse her and put her back down. She didn't start sleeping through the night until morning until about 5-6 months. I didn't have to nap train - things seemed to fall into place after night sleep was in place. Since she was able to settle herself for night sleep, I guess she was able to do the same for naps too.
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I couldn't do it at 7 weeks. That makes me sad for the baby. It just seems way too little.
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If she's CIO at 7 weeks, that's her decision, but what i'm actually judging is that she says she needs to "break her." That is what bothers me the most about the post. It doesn't, for me, bode well for their parent-child relationship in the future.
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i'm fine with the choice your friend made. and i think it's fine that you bounce your LO to sleep.
@Mrs. High Heels: i mentioned this to you before, but reading your posts was very helpful. it's hard to speak up about CIO before 3, 4 or 6 months--many people dismiss it out of hand like it's scientifically proven that it's awful for babies.
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@Mrs. High Heels: I remember your posts being very helpful for me as well. I know I was one of the people who said I wouldn't at 7 weeks, but that is seriously just me personally, no judgement towards the OP's friend. I had a hard time doing it at 4 months. But I needed to for my sanity. So I do understand, to a degree.
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@Mrs. High Heels: thank you for posting that blog piece, it was very helpful! I know I am going to have to sleep train and it keeps looking like it's going to have to be sooner than later. I originally just started this thread more or less to figure out if it is possible for a baby to be sleep trained at 7 weeks.
@dagret: yeah....that was kind of the troubling part for me too. Like I have said, whatever works for each individual that's fine. But saying she had to break her...like is that possible? I don't think that was a good way to phrase it.
@edelweiss: yeah, I am fine with the choice she made for her family. But, at the same time, me bouncing my baby is getting old and doesn't always work so I was just kind of putting it out there about early sleep training. -
@ellewoods84: well, and if your child has a strong will, like mine? You're just setting your family up for a looooong fight.
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@catomd00: Well, CIO is an individual choice for each family, but I also think it just depends on the baby and the personality of the baby. Some babies are naturally better sleepers than others and do not require as much "assistance" to get to sleep. What you are describing that you did with your baby just would not work for my baby. Maybe eventually, but definitely not now. I have attempted what you are describing and she looks at my like I am crazy and when am I going to bounce her back to sleep like we have been doing. But when bouncing is taking upwards of hours and she is staying up for 2 or 3 hours at a time like at midnight-3 am....I am wondering would sleep training be more beneficial because she is missing out on many hours of important sleep. But, it is an individual choice!
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@dagret: Lol, she is pretty strong willed, but what do you mean? Like can you elaborate if you have personal experience with it?
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@ellewoods84: if I tried to "break" my son, I'd wear myself and him out. I'd also be trying to change his personality. I'm strong willed - his dad is strong willed - does it have negatives? Yes. But does it have positives? You bet! I don't try to "break" my son, but he does know who's boss. There are different parenting techniques that work better with him because of his strong will.
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With my first I started sleep training her at 3 weeks old. I fed her frequently during the day, even waking her from naps and had a solid bedtime routine. When she fussed at night, I would wait up to 5 minutes before trying to soothe her by offering a pacifier or stroking her. If she continued fussing for another 5 minutes then I would feed her. She started sleeping 8+ hours by 8 weeks old. She is 21 months now, and has never had any sleep regressions and she naps for 2.5 hours everyday. She is wonderful and loving. I don't feel early sleep training had a negative effect on her.
My newest baby is 2 weeks old and I am also planning on starting early sleep training with her. It's important to my family that we have good sleepers so we make it a priority.
Both my babies were 5 lbers, so in the first 12 weeks while doing the sleep training I have them weighed at the hospital at least once a week to ensure they were still gaining the right amount of weight even without the night feedings.
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@ellewoods84: and also, if she meant "break her" as in "breaking her habit," that's not so bad. If she meant "break her" as in "I will dominate my child," that's when it's troubling.
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@dagret: Oh okay, gotcha! I mean, I think it was a bad way for her to phrase it simply because I don't think a 7 week old can be "broken" simply because I don't think a 7 week old is possible of manipulation. And I don't think by letting her cry she is showing her baby who is boss and who is in charge. But, if letting her cry is the only way she can get her baby to fall asleep, well that is just how it is for her and her baby! And thats fine too. Whatever she is comfortable with.
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@ellewoods84: I DO know people who think they can "break" their kids, and smack kids under a year old, unfortunately. I'm sure she's a good mom and is doing what she thinks is best for her child and her family. That's all you really can do.
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@dagret: oh wow...yeah that doesn't sound like it is going to work for anyone. sad. and yep, that is all you can do!
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@edelweiss: @.twist.: @ellewoods84: I appreciate your non-judgment, thank you!
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I don't think I could have done it that early, but I don't judge... especially if it works. If the baby seems to learn self soothing this way, then it sounds fine. I'd be a more wary if the baby is crying herself to sleep for every nap and bedtime. Then I'd say the child clearly isn't ready yet...
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@LemonLong: Sounds like you have a healthy, balanced approach... Sleep is important in our household too and I am going to remember this one in case we have a third! Thanks
The consensus among many in the things I've read (and you've probably read too) seems to be that 4 months is the "optimal" time to sleep train. But you have to do what works for you. As has been alluded to, if this is exhausting/overwhelming you and interfering with your functioning, that isn't healthy. You are definitely in a good place for getting lots of good advice here!
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