Hellobee Boards

My ILs speak French and no English. I speak French and have no problems conversing with them.

Personally, I think it's great that kids are exposed to other languages early and I wouldn't mind if my children were spoken to in a language I didn't understand by loving grandparents. They absorb a lot more than we give them credit for.

My ILs speak Russian. And they often fall into Russian when they are with DH and the rest of their family.

It does bother me. I don't think they do it to be rude, I really think it is just more natural/easier for them to communicate their thoughts and feelings, but I do find it thoughtless. It is super annoying at big family gatherings where I basically sit in silence for a while until someone thinks to loop me in on what they are talking about. They do sometimes talk to the kids in Russian, but I don't mind that at all. my kids don't understand at all,b ut I do think the exposure is good.

It was really annoying over Thanksgiving when Dh and his parents and his brother were there and all speaking in Russian while my parents and I were totally left out. That was pretty rude, althogh again, I don't think they meant it to be.

@lamariniere: I don't think that's quite the same since you are fluent in french--it would be different if they only spoke a totally different language, or mainly communicated only in a language that you didn't know. I do agree that exposure to other languages for kids is a great thing though!

My inlaws and my husband all speak a language I don't speak. I don't mind, typically. They will all speak in English to me, but they will speak in their language to each other, in my presence. I don't mind because I know that especially my MIL is embarrassed of her English and finds it hard to express herself, I am the same way when I try to use my sucky Spanish to converse with native speakers...it's embarrassing.

The only time I "mind" on a low level, is when someone says something obviously funny and everyone is laughing...except me. Then I just make my husband tell me, but usually the effect is lost.

Both of my parents have been in the US going on 40 years as well, but sometimes, my mom will lapse into her native language. I have told them before that it's rude to speak in front of people that don't understand, and for the most part, my mom complies. Just this morning she was speaking to me about something that she didn't want my son to understand and I think the day is coming that he's going to respond to her.

I just respond in English when my parents speak their native language. I understand completely and can also speak, but typically, I do feel that sometimes people use language to exclude and I am not okay with that.

And yes, my inlaws also speak a foreign language that I didn't understand. i've made it my business to learn though, because we're teaching our son.

I expect it when they're or we're visiting and don't have a problem with it. It's DH first language and he doesn't get much chance to use it. I've taught myself enough that I can understand it.
However, there are still things that annoy me. I would initially try to practice and his parents would correct everything bc of accent or minor grammar mistakes. So I stopped, because I was about to snap 'umm....you've lived in the US the majority of your life and still have a ridiculous accent.'
They'll also will switch when they have guests over, which I do think is rude since they are using it to be private. Usually it's about mundane things that they don't think others care about but his mom has definately stuck her foot in her mouth a number of times by switching to french to gossip and it's not that unusual of a language to know.

@alphagam84: I thought this was an interesting article about language exposure in very young children. http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/03/13/opinion/sunday/the-superior-social-skills-of-bilinguals.html?0p19G=c

Not my ILs, but I have relatives that do this and it is really annoying. They do it so they can gossip about us while we are right in front of them. I was in the same situation as @lamariniere where my dad didn't teach us the language (Chinese). As a kid, some of my family members would try to talk to us in Chinese to "teach us the language" but that only works if you see people often enough (like every day). If you see your MIL often enough that your LO has a real chance of learning the language, I would be fine with it, but if it is only occasionally, I can understand why it would bug you. I was definitely scared of my relatives when they spoke Chinese to me as a kid. Some of them were kind, but some would act like I was stupid when I didn't understand them, and it sucked. I picked up a few words here and there but nothing to make it worth while (basically I can order dim sum and that's it).

My in laws are Israeli and although they've now been here longer than they lived in Israel, they still speak almost exclusively Hebrew. They found all Israeli friends and so, while they are perfectly fluent in English (most Israelis are, I think) they still mostly speak Hebrew.
They definitely speak it to each other in front of my husband and I. Usually because they are arguing. Lol. My husband is not fluent but he understands 90% of what they say. That's how I know they aren't really talking about me, but since they are with us and know we both speak English, and they are perfectly comfortable with it, it does annoy me, but because it's not a lengthy convo it doesn't make me mad. To be clear it's not JUST when they argue. Even just discussing what time to leave our apartment or something. Or talking about something LO did that was cute.
Holidays when they have friends and the few family that lives in the US over, it is beyond annoying and very exclusionary. It does make me mad because it is ar the dinner table and extensive. Why have me over if I can't participate? Of course if they address me directly they speak English. But there will be an hour long conversation in Hebrew with laughing and animated yelling and this and that and I just sit there. I've started just excusing myself from the table and going to watch tv or something as soon as I'm done eating. If they don't care to speak in a language we can all understand, I don't particularly care to sit there like a dummy.

My in-laws only speak English so no, but I'm Chinese and my parents (my mom especially) will always speak Chinese in front of DH. My mom and dad speak Chinese to each other and to me. I, naturally, speak Chinese to them too, even around DH. It drives him bonkers not understanding or being part of the conversation... but usually it's not really anything he would be interested in anyways. Both my parents do speak English and have been here nearly 40 years... but it's VERY hard to not default to your native tongue. Even being born here and English is definitely easier for me now, it's hard to not automatically speak in Chinese to my parents... it's what I've done my whole life.

They do, but because my family speaks the same language I can luckily understand most and they know it.

No, my in-laws speak English. As a Spanish and ESL teacher, I know the benefits of learning another language at a young age. Try to embrace the fact that your mil wants to teach your child Arabic!!! Even if you may feel excluded, it is part of your child's heritage and there are so many benefits to bilingualism.

Yup, they speak Thai, and because they never taught DH, he can't translate, either. They seem better about it than they used to, but when they want to have an argument or talk smack about us (I can tell, the whole atmosphere in the room changes) they'll go back to it. It can be infuriating.

Yes; they speak a dialect that I don't understand at all, and also a more common dialect that I understand and can speak.

I am not offended at all when they all talk in their dialect. I am more than happy to tune out haha.

FIL is Spanish and MIL is fluent. They used to speak Spanish in front of their own kids when they didn't want them to understand what they were saying, but never to their kids' spouses. The only time they do is when FIL's siblings are visiting (who don't speak English), and then I figure there is always going to be someone who doesn't understand in that situation. I would LOVE for them to teach our kids Spanish!

Yes. My in-laws speak Thai and Arabic. I seldomly hear them speak either language, but when they do, they usually repeat what they said in English.

I get your frustration, although the only language my MIL knows is passive aggressive. I don't think it's about exposure to your lo, but about leaving you and your sil out. It doesn't matter, as one pp stated, if it's interesting or not, it's still excluding and that's not kind. If there truly was a language barrier, I'm sure the perception would be different, but as such, it sounds rude.