Lately I’ve just been really down about not having any real girlfriends. About a year ago I had a falling out with my best friend and although we have spoken since then it was never the same. I have some girlfriends but it’s mainly just chit chat, never any in depth conversations. When I try to reach out to my girlfriends about more serious things, I don’t get a response. It’s been hard on me not having that one friend I can go to, or any friends really. I know that people are busy with their lives but it hurts that I try to be there for my friends but when I need just a listening ear, its crickets. I just needed to vent really. Thanks for listening.
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@bubblegum: I'm sorry! I have two close groups of mom friends and I truly know how much better they make my life and how much harder it would be without them. One group came from Hellobee, and the other group came from daycare. Are your kids in school? Maybe try to set up play dates with other kids and if you find a mom you connect with, invite her for a moms night out!
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@bubblegum: I'm sorry! Not having good girlfriends is so hard! Even though I don't talk to my best friends as much as I used to since becoming a mom, just knowing they are there is so helpful.
Is the falling out with your best friend something you (or her) could get over? Do you think if you reached out her to try to mend the relationship, you could? Do you work and have any friends at work you could maybe get closer with? Or do you know any of your kids' friends' parents and could maybe try some play dates?
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@Truth Bombs: Thanks love. DS is in school but it's only three times a week for two and half and because I work full time I don't get to drop him off or pick him up.
@Adira: Thank you. Yes agreed! Just knowing I have someone would be so helpful.
I tried. A few months before I gave birth I reached out and got a harsh response but once she found I was pregnant she changed her tone. I thought things would eventually go back to normal but it never did. I do have two co-workers that I talk to here and there but I've tried to set things up with them and it never happens. It sucks.
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I feel like my friendships are fading now too and it is so hard. I get to see some of my friends and chat briefly weekly or biweekly but scheduling a time to get together and catch up has been impossible for months. Like you said, everyone has a lot going on. I have told one of my friends - we really need to get together and take a break from all the stress we have in our lives but it's not been possible for months. She did call me this week to wish me a happy birthday and suggested she should have more time to get together - I really hope we can make this happen.
Once my LOs get involved in more activities and school, we will hopefully make more friends. The days are long but the years are short. -
@autumnleaves: it's a rough boat to be on that's for sure.
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@bubblegum: Does your friend have kids? I had a falling out with one of my best friends when I was pregnant. It wasn't until she also had a kid that we were able to reconnect and start building up our friendship again.
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@Adira: She does and I feel like that's when the fall out happened. She had her baby and just disappeared from the world unless she needed something. I missed her but I wanted to give her space without her feeling pressured to be my friend and now we have nothing basically. We were friends for 10+ years and now we're strangers.
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@bubblegum: Ugh, that sucks. I feel like in my circle, those of us who have kids got closer and we drifted from those who didn't (including when I was one of the ones who didn't have kid), so that sucks that you both have kids and aren't bonding over that.
I wish I had some advice. I've gotten pretty lucky with my friends. I have one friend at work who we never hang out outside of work, but we talk to each other every day at work and text each other. It just happened because we both got pregnant around the same time so we went through pregnancies together and now our kids growing up together (although apart, because we rarely get-together outside of work, but we have similar experiences to share with each other).I think maybe play dates might be your best bet? Bonding with another mom who has a kid the same age as yours might be the easiest way to make new friends.
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@Adira: It really does. Once DS gets friends I'll give it go for sure. I've tried with a girl I grew up with because are kids are close in age but we didn't click.
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I'm sorry! I can definitely relate. Of my two close girlfriends one is unmarried/childless and the other is a SAHM (obviously that's not a bad thing but we don't have the same struggles). I wish I could find some working mom friends but of course there's no time.
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@bubblegum: I'm sorry.
We recently moved and it kind of sucks making new mom friends. I feel like it was easier when I had only one kid to concentrate on!
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@bubblegum: I'm sorry, I can relate because I only really have one close friend (who is a mom). Another closer friend of mine from college is not at the same place in her life and lives far away and I am finding I just cannot keep up with that friendship right now.
I am not the type at all who can make new friends but I am hoping it gets a little easier as my LOs get older. I think you need to figure out exactly what you're looking for in a relationship and really try to cultivate those things in them. Like your friends you have that are not responding to serious things - are they just flaky or are you trying to talk to them about serious things when the friendship isn't at that level so it's weird. But know that you are not alone and so many moms are also feeling a lack of connection with others. It can be hard when people talk about their "village" and you're like yea I don't really have one (at least for me I don't have any local friends since we moved to our town 3 years ago).
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@skinnycow: Same!! It just seems like an impossible task!
@2littlepumpkins: thanks love! Oh no! I'm sure that's super rough. My fingers are crossed that you find some.
@petitenoisette: Yes! Me too! Once my kids get older I'm hoping I can make some friends. Just sucks because I need them now.
I feel like their flaky. Only because they'll come to me with their issues but it's like the moment I try to do the same I don't hear back. (Of course not at the same time their telling me their problems!) YES! no village here!
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@bubblegum: I understand. None of my good friends live nearby anymore. It's hard, but I feel like this has to be a temporary thing and once we get to the school/activity age with my oldest, it will change (hopefully!)
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I definitely feel like when you have young kids, it's a tough season for adult friendships. My closest friends live far and since we've all had kids it's even more difficult to get together. So much of our lives revolve around our los and the minutiae of the day to day routine. No real advice unfortunately but I try to keep up friendships with texting and getting together whenever we can and trying to be open to new friendships. For me it can be very easy to focus mostly on my little family and not want to put the effort into new friendships but when I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone I've made a few new good friends. I do think it gets easier as our children get older.
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@shabang: Fingers crossed!
@JerricaBenton: I hope you're right!
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I have a text chain with two close friends and it is the glue of the friendship. Otherwise I joined a mom group after moving to a new area and that has been super helpful! Everyone is willing to meet up and we hang out on weekends, etc. you should try asking around to see if there are any in your area you could join - you never know!
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@bubblegum: I'm sorry! I hope you find your village. I went through a very long stretch of this, but with the kids getting older and some old friends starting families, things are looking up a little.
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@Modern Daisy: @Mama Bird: Thanks for the support ladies!
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@bubblegum: Reading your post made me feel like I had written it myself! I'm in the same predicament right down to the awkward falling out with my one bff who I'd always thought would be my"constant". I go through stages of wishing I had a solid group of girl friends. The only thing that helps me is to focus on my family and as my kids get older hopefully I'll develop new friendships. I really value the few friendships I have right now and also focus on those. I know how hard it is though, and how nice it would be to be able to group text a bunch of besties. I don't really have any advice to offer but I think this is one of those things that commonly happens when we're at this stage of our lives. Just know you're definitely not alone!
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I totally hear where you are coming from- that said you may really benefit from therapy. Having a designated person to talk to about the more difficult stuff is so helpful- then friend time is about having fun. I've been seeing a therapist for over 3 years and yes it a time and financial commitment but I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been and I feel like all my relationships with the most important people to me are in good places. Not like I never complain to my friends but it don't think it's always fair to expect other people to be your support system. I hope this does not come as a criticism you just don't know what these more casual friends have going on in their lives.
I also lost one of my best friends over 2 years ago. We have never talked again and even if she reached out I'm not interested. If you are up for some reading the book Best Friends Forever is a great read on female friendship. I really enjoyed it. And it was very helpful to me as I mourned this loss and moved on. Wait- are you the one who recommended this book?
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I hear you, sister!
I'm feeling pretty isolated lately, too. With each next life change over the last 10 years my closest friends have become fewer & farther away. I admittedly have a hard time forming new friendships, but do have many long standing (but also long distance) friendships.
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@ssmom: it has been nice to see that it seems normal for most mothers at some point or another. Thanks love
@youboots: I really wanted to do therapy but just couldn’t afford the appts. Hahaha yes that was me!!! I love that book. I spoke about how I lost my best friend...I actually did speak to her a few months before giving birth and sadly it never went back to normal and we don’t speak yet again. I think that relationship can’t be brought back to life.
@GoGoSnoGirl: yes! I feel like making new friendships are impossible now.
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@bubblegum: I completely identify. I also feel like my friendships feel really thin - most of my closest friends have lived across the country for a full decade and after awhile keeping up those friendships has been tough, as has been making new meaningful relationships. But I keep reminding myself that there's a season for everything. And for most people, this is one of the hardest seasons to have meaningful friendships, because family and work can be so demanding.
It's crazy to see how much my parents social life has picked up since my brother and I left the house, and even more so since my brother finished college and now my mom is no longer working multiple jobs to pay for that. Some of them were friendships from their early 20s revived 40 years later. So I think in many ways when the season of life is right, it is possible to pick up again with lots of friendships. And I'm sure this happens for most people before the age of 60
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@periwinklebee: Wow! Great for your parents! You're right there are many seasons to life. Hopefully I'm able to say that some day.
I wish I had some advice. I've gotten pretty lucky with my friends. I have one friend at work who we never hang out outside of work, but we talk to each other every day at work and text each other. It just happened because we both got pregnant around the same time so we went through pregnancies together and now our kids growing up together (although apart, because we rarely get-together outside of work, but we have similar experiences to share with each other).
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