Today is rough. I have so many thoughts running through my head and I have to dump them somewhere. A high school boyfriend died two weeks ago from brain cancer. It hit me hard but I feel like I can't be that sad because in the last few years we kind of stopped communicating very much. We both have spouses and our kids are almost the exact same ages. I feel disingenuous about being sad because I don't feel like I deserve to be sad because we weren't close for the last few years. We would always be happy to see each other, but we weren't good friends anymore. You know, normal changes to friendships. Today though, it is his birthday. This popped up in my facebook feed and I feel completely devastated. His wife shares his birthday, which makes me feel even worse because I can't stop picturing her and what must be going through her head today.

Its just a huge mind-f***. He was a huge part of my young adult life (college years we spent with him as one of my closest friends) and now he's gone. Its just remarkable harder than I expected.