We've been married for more than 5+ years and DH has always had issue with anxiety and history of depression. So he has been seeing a psychiatrist to treat his anxiety.

There are times where he says stuff to me about feeling worthless. These thoughts come and go and when we aren't fighting, I'm supportive and tell him how much he does considering the other medical issues he has.

But, of course, we are fighting of and on all week. I'm under a tremendous amount of stress over the last few years (his chronic health, being the sole provider financially, prospects of job hunting and moving). I'm exhausted and it's come to a head.

I love my husband but after having kids, his chronic health now comes second. I don't regret marrying him but I do sometimes regret having kids. That we were stupid (made a mistake) in thinking, I could take care of kids on top of my husband's health. Yes, we both wanted kids.

Anyway, we had a big fight yesterday and he mentioned to me that he googled how to kill himself and said he did things to his wrist. Of course, it brought our fighting to a hault and I didn't know what to do other than to call 911 to report his suicidal intention. I called his psychiatrist, too. Cops came talked to both of us. They were helpful. They called a mobile counseling service that came to our house later. Though, they mainly talked to DH. I took care of the kids and was able to give him some privacy to talk to the therapist.

Of course, I think I am the blame of his suicidal thoughts because of the fighting, but I know these thoughts of self worth and self esteem were problems he always had. So is it all my fault?

He's done this before where he gets depressed after these fights and I have to stop fighting and tell him how important he is.

I know in a perfect world his depression should have been treated long ago.

Yes, I know we need to go to marriage counseling and even both of us needs to go to individual counseling. I'm calling some today and get an appt in ASAP.

I know he is sick and I certainly don't want him to harm himself or do anything unthinkable. This is selfish... I know... It's just the issues that I have with him makes me feel like they (my feelings) aren't valid and aren't important.

Just venting and seeing if anyone has been through something like this (with a partner that had mental issues).