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Having it all, without having children

  1. hilsy85

    squash / 13761 posts

    @NovBaby1112: exactly this. I think before LO I could have been happy without having kids (never knowing what I was missing I guess), but now that he's here I can't imagine not having him/other children in my life.

  2. lolabee

    kiwi / 662 posts

    Like a lot of previous posters, I felt the need to become a Mother. I wanted to be a mom more than be married. That being said, I thought I would be prepared to take steps to be a mom if I hadn't met the right man before it was 'too late'. Obviously it didn't boil down to that.

  3. MrsStormy

    clementine / 818 posts

    I think I could have been totally happy and content without children, but I didn't really realize that until I was already married, so I married a man who wanted kids, so its a good thing I am glad to be expecting one! I do think though that had we tried to get pregnant and were unsuccessful it would have made it a lot harder for me to be satisfied with not having them, just because we would have been focused on it for so long.

  4. littlebittyhouse

    pear / 1570 posts

    I always felt a strong calling to be a wife and mother. However, if DH and I were unable to I know that I would be fufilled without them. I know I wuld have always felt like I was missing out but I really do feel like we would have made the best of it.

  5. mlm2934

    grapefruit / 4311 posts

    I never felt strongly about wanting kids until after my 27th bday. Before that I was always on the fence. Even though I said I wanted them some day, it was more of that's what suppose to happen sentiment and bc I knew my DH wanted them. Now I have a deep desire to have children.

  6. Mrs. Pickle

    blogger / wonderful cherry / 21593 posts

    Because of IF I have thought a lot about this. I would be okay if it never happened for us. I don't feel like something is missing from our family because we don't have a LO. A baby will be a bonus, and we absolutely want to have one. But I don't need to have a LO to be happy or complete.

  7. mynoahbear

    pear / 1554 posts

    Yes, I would have been fine if we didn't have kids. I'm so happy being a mom and I wouldn't change it for the world but I also know that if we had decided not to have kids or couldn't have kids, I would still be happy.

  8. yoursilverlining

    eggplant / 11824 posts

    I've worked really hard (and maybe some of it is just my natural personality) not to tie my happiness to anyone but myself. That includes children, so no, I didn't need to have children to feel 100% fulfilled and happy. DH and I were a complete family pre-bebe, we just expanded our family when we had LO.

    I also have never felt the bio clock ticking or the urge to have children, or felt that being a mother was a "calling"....I just explore each option as it comes along; as being a mother now with my husband is nothing like being a mother would have been at any other point in my life with any other partner.

    We have lots of friends who are childfree by choice, and they are all definitely happy and fulfilled. I could also be fulfilled with a fantastic group of friends, a great partner, traveling often, eating out often and living life on my own schedule.

    Of course, it's a loaded question since now that LO is here I cannot imagine life without her squishy little face

  9. bpcmarj

    pomegranate / 3711 posts

    No. I honestly don't think I could. DH and I met as teenagers and have been talking about having a family and a child of our own since then. He has always wanted to be a father, and I a mother. I truly feel that I would have felt like something was missing if I did not have a baby. Not to say that someone can't be fulfilled without a child, I am just not that person.

  10. lizzywiz

    persimmon / 1178 posts

    We also dealt with infertility so this question has come up before.
    Yes, I would/could have been happy without children BUT I would have needed to investigate what that would mean for me.

    I would not say LO gave my life meaning or purpose. Like @yoursilverlining, I have always tried to search within for happiness and completion, but LO definitely gave my life focus. I was married, had my career and was a bit aimless as to what to do next while we dealt with infertility, which gave me a feeling of dissatisfaction. I was drinking a bit much and I could easily see that escalating if I meandered along that same path.
    I think being on the fence is soul sucking. I probably would have given it 1 more year before letting go and committing to a happy, child free life.

  11. Bookish

    GOLD / cantaloupe / 6581 posts

    I didn't want kids until I met DH, so if I hadn't, I think I would have been fine without a baby. However, I did meet DH, and our family did not feel complete until DD got here. I've got two BFFs now

  12. BKCaribBaby

    pear / 1670 posts

    EXACTLY what @yoursilverlining wrote above. I love having her in my life, but I could have found ways to be happy without a child and even without a husband.

  13. LazyLightning

    pear / 1664 posts

    I read a lot about being childless and I can say that I think we would have been quite happy that way. I'm sure having a child will be rewarding too (LO is 2 months now) but we could have gone either way.

  14. ScarletBegonia

    persimmon / 1324 posts

    I think I could have been very happy without children! At almost 10 weeks pregnant I have to admit I'm thinking more about what I'm giving up than what I'll get, but I guess that's because I don't know yet.

  15. erinpye

    pomegranate / 3702 posts

    Until I hit about 25, I wasn't entirely sure I'd want kids, even though I always imagined myself eventually having them. They kind of terrified me, and I didn't even like holding babies. Then, something in me changed, and I desired to have children deeply. I have everything I've ever wanted as far as my marriage and career, and I would say no, my life would not have been complete, nor would I be 100% satisfied, without having my DD and second baby on the way. (And for the record, I now LOVE holding babies!)

  16. BSB

    hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16728 posts

    Dealing with IF has made me realize how bad I want to start a family. It took me a while to want to have kids prior to being engaged so I'm sure there was a time where I thought I could be childless and be happy. I also think if my husband did not want kids that I could have adapted my thinking to think childless was ok.

  17. mediagirl

    hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25049 posts

    I thought about not having kids for many years. We both agreed when we started trying to have a baby that we wouldn't try any interventions to have one. We felt that if we were meant to be parents, we would be. If we weren't, modern medicine was not the answer.


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