I read a blog on here a few days ago about what life is really like with a newborn and how for weeks/months there was no light at the end of the tunnel from the exhaustion, healing and no nornal life. How long before you felt like your old self and really settled into being a mother?
I know you will change into a mother so not really feel like your old self, but by that I mean able to lead a regular and active social life again.
How long did it take you to really settle into being a mother? Or feel back to your old self?
Jun 23, 2014You might also enjoy...
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For me, every month was better than the last, but at 6 months I really seemed to hit my stride and move from survival to enjoyment.
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4 months in I'm really starting to feel like myself again. Each month gets better.
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It didn't happen all at once. I remember telling a friend that DH & I had found our sense of humor again either one or two weeks postpartum. That was huge for me. After that I knew I would be myself again eventually. I voted over 6 months to be back to myself but it was probably closer to a year. I just keep getting closer and closer to me.
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I think I started going out socially again (at night) when DD1 was 4 months old. It was nice to be out and have a drink with friends!
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At least 10 weeks.
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After he was 6 months and his sleep was finally more predictable and less painful to come by.
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The fog of exhaustion started to lift around 4 months when she dropped to one MOTN waking/feeding. I still don't feel like myself socially/hobby-wise, though. I have very little time and opportunity to do many of the things that used to make me tick, since I WOH and EBF (well, I pump at work). My hubby works several evenings per week, so I can't go anywhere once LO is sleeping, and to be honest, I don't really want to go off and leave her during the little time we have to spend together. And most of my hobbies aren't things I can quietly do in the evenings after she's asleep, the bottles and pump parts are washed, a load of laundry is started, etc. It's hard because I feel like I'm losing a big piece of "me" but I think when LO is older and no longer nursing at bedtime, I will take one night a week or every other week when DH isn't working to do something for myself.
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Between 5-6 months
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I'd say around 8 months for me. I/we went out before then, took trips with LO, etc. but that's when I felt like the new me/normal.
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I wrote this before on another thread, but I pretty much have always felt like myself--just a fatter, more tired version of myself who also happens to have much less time. My LO is 11.5 months old.
I don't even mean this in a sad, depressing way---but my world has gotten much smaller and every week is basically a version of the same thing--the work/care for LO/million wakeups/early morning alarm/long commute/work hamster wheel. I used to have SO much free time and I had no idea until it was gone, haha.
But in our case, our baby still doesn't sleep well. DH and I both worth (he has long hours), and we don't have family nearby so we don't have any help on a day to day basis.
But---I still have my same old sense of humor. I still enjoy the same things. I just rarely get to DO those things, but they're there, waiting for me to come back to them, you know?
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my honest answer is right away. i felt great and amazing and very happy with motherhood when she was little. it's been as she's grown (she's 17 months) that i feel how i've changed in the process. i'm not saying that there aren't hard times and that i'm not deeply changed by the process of becoming a mother, but i didn't have dark times in the beginning and i realize how lucky i am.
my tiredness set in later and the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a little person came in later. as she's become a toddler, that really feels like parenthood, which for me, is harder for me to settle into.
i doubt i will be as free with #2 as i was with #1. now we have more responsibilities and things we have to do versus being a little less tied down when we had #1.
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I started going out socially pretty early - like, a month or so? But I didn't really start feeling like myself until about 6 months or so. I found the newborn stage to be really, really challenging, but after that was over things got so much better. I have a pretty difficult toddler now, but in spite of the craziness (and exhaustion) she brings, I really love this time!
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For the most part it was about six months. LO calmed down, I was off of lexapro for ppd around then, and I just had gotten used to motherhood more.
But even between then and now I feel I've grown a lot as a mom which has made me a happier and more confident m and person in general. And I think I'll say the same in another year, and on and on.
There will always be ups and downs. Sometimes you'll probably be overwhelmed and sometimes you will coast through a stage and just have fun. It's not necessarily a linear thing, so you don't have to go into it thinking the early days will be terrible or that they'll be great. Could be a mix of both.
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I'm not sure how to answer this question, because I felt fine physically very soon after the birth, but I'm not sure I can ever say I'm back to my old self, because I have a kid now. Things are nice (but difficult at times) but not how they were. My kid is 12.5 months old.
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Between 5-6 months I started to have flashes of "yeah, I got this." She was colicky until almost four months so that's wasn't a great period.
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I said 6 months+. That's when I sleep trained her and got her out of my room/bed (I was going to sleep when she did at like, 6:30 because she'd wake hourly and sleep latched on...). Her sleep still isn't perfect, but it's been incredible what a few extra hours at night will do! I'm thinking it will only continue to get better once she's a little older and not EBF and isn't as clingy.
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It's getting better and better at 6 months. He is sleeping at night with only one wakeup and the naps are more predictable which makes going out during the day easier. I also feel more comfortable leaving him with my parents to go out for the night with my husband and we make a point of having a date night at least twice a month.
But I'm still not completely there. My energy level is way down and I still can't push heavy things with my foot without pain in my pelvic area. Beyond the physical part, sometimes I'm still overwhelmed at times how much life has changed and caring for a baby. Our social life tanked and everything that used to be easy (grocery shopping for one) is much harder now. But while that sounds depressing looking at what I wrote, I'm okay with it. I waited awhile to have a baby because I knew life would change drastically. I know it's going to be tough for awhile, but the snuggles and watching him grow and change make it all worth it!
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after about six months things felt a little less bananas.
I wouldn't say we have a "regular and active social life" to this day- but I'm not sure that we will for awhile. We see friends probably once a week- but with an early bedtime, and not a lot of babysitting options, we aren't exactly raging the nightlife scene....(not that we were pre-baby!)
She is 14 months and things are certainly still...different. But just different in that- we used to be on time, and we could be somewhat spontaneous. Nap times, bed time, meal times- just lots of needs to be met, which means we don't really get to prioritize doing things the way that we used to.
But, I never expected my life to be the same after having a kid. It won't be for a long time- our family is about raising a child now (which, of course, means time for ourselves and our relationship, too!). -
I should add, my kid just started sleeping through the night on a semi-regular basis about a week ago, so 14 months of sleep deprivation could be contributing to my inability to get anywhere on time.
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I didn't start to feel like myself again till I weaned her. I still don't feel the same as pre baby. But the new Mom version of me was at 7.5 months.
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@Smurfette: yes! I stopped pumping at 5 months and weaned at 6 months. That's when I started feeling more in control and like "me" again.
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@swedishfish: it was amazing how it helped me feel better
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I still don't feel normal. Not better, not worse, just different. Does that even make sense? I feel like my pre-baby life is light years behind me.
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I feel like a started hitting my mom stride around 9/10/11 months honestly. Feeling pretty good and happy now at 14 months. Life is different but I love it.
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She started napping better and taking bottles at around 5-6 months (was on a bottle strike before then), so around that time. I'm still tired as hell, but that's when it got easier for us to leave her with a sitter/my mom and go out for date nights or for me to leave her with DH to go out with friends.
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Probably around 6 months. At 4 months I felt like it wasn't too bad. At 6 months I started to feel comfortable being a mother and I understood why people had more than one. That's when I started feeling back to my old self.
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I read in some article that it takes 4 months...
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I feel like this is several different questions...
Physically I *sort* of felt like my old self around 4 weeks. I am at 6 weeks now and not totally healed (I had a complication with my c-section incision so I'm dealing with that, but it doesn't hurt or hinder me in any way). Especially my boobs still hurt. But in terms of just feeling like I wasn't in pain, could get around like normal, and could wear my old clothes (mostly)... 4 weeks.
Emotionally I think I started to feel mostly back to normal around 4-5 weeks as well, although I continue to get better as we do more stuff. At 5 weeks it was our first weekend after all the family had left and DH and I took LO out to go grocery shopping and go to target and I was like... omg we can run errands! We can DO this! We can leave our house! It was really exciting haha. Then the next day my parents came down and watched LO so DH and I could go see a movie, and I feel like that sort of reminded us that there is a life after baby. And this week (6 weeks) I just had a friend come by to hang out for the first time, and tomorrow I have my first photo shoot (work) since having the baby. So little by little, I'm reclaiming pieces of my old life! *full disclosure: Our LO is a really good sleeper, and that probably helps me feel better about things*
As a mom? 4 weeks. It was my first week home alone with LO after having a week in the hospital and 3 weeks of family or DH home with me. I was terrified. But by the second day I felt like wow.. I am capable of caring for her by myself. I'm fine. We're both surviving. I got this. hah
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I felt back to normal straight away. My midwife visited the day after we got home and asked if I really just had a baby - I felt normal, just with a sidekick with me 100% of the time. Lo was an easy baby though (she never cried during the first 6 weeks, no colic, no reflux, sleeping in 4 hour intervals) which I think really helped. Of course I was tired (and annoyed with dh at times), and had sore boobs but I felt good. I just hope I feel the same when we have another lo.
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I felt normal physically a couple weeks postpartum. Emotionally, I felt great post birth. Stresses put on our marriage made our first year incredibly difficult. I wish I could look back on it more fondly, but I don't. Getting into the groove of motherhood happened around 6 months old. Toddlerhood can be really awesome and really awful. Just dealt with a screaming toddler worked up by Daddy trying to get him calmed down enough to read while being starving. Fun times!
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About 9 months I think.
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I felt like myself again on my first day back to work, 6 months pp. I loved being at home with LO on mat leave, and definitely did social things, but it felt like my own life again when I was back at work.
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Honestly, she was about 15 months old. I had some emotional/mental issues from my birth and bad PPD.
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I'm still not there at 10 months. It did get a lot closer to normal life at 6 months, but I'm still up 2x a night, I never get to sleep until my body wants to wake. Still breastfeeding and I hate pumping, so I can't be away that long. And I'm still on maternity leave so I feel like my real life is on hiatus. I think life is good now and not such a struggle, but it doesn't feel like normal life yet.
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After a year with my first. I had (and still at times) miss my old self and life but those moments are getting farther apart. Its a HARD adjustment!
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I honestly don't feel like myself even at 13 months. I do, however, feel like a better version of myself. I think I starting hitting my stride around 4 months; at 6 months I was feeling pretty good, and I'm really loving life right now.
eta: going back to work 6 weeks ago really helped me start feeling "normal" again.
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It's been a year and I'm still waiting...
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Physically, it was about 2 months - by then, my stitches had healed, breastfeeding was easy, I was back to pre-preg weight, I just felt good. Emotionally, it was about 4 months - which was also when he started really sleeping in longer stretches (like, not 7 hours, but 9 or 10 - so I had a few hours to myself at night, and not a terribly early wake-up). Before that, I had some pretty serious anxiety, but I didn't realize it until later. It's like I was holding my breath for his entire newborn life! I will definitely be more aware of that with LO#2.
But socially? I LOL-ed at what @Silva: - I still do not have a "regular and active social life," and LO#1 is almost 16 months. We see our friends every few weeks, sometimes just once a month. I guess we don't make it enough of a priority right now, but with a really active toddler, I am TIRED at the end of the day.
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is tarted to see light at the end of a long, long tunnel when she was around 5 months old. I only really started feeling like my old self again once I went back to work, when she was 6.5 months. I started feeling like "I got this" when she was around 8 months.
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