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If you & DH didn't agree on an ideal # of kids...

  • poll: In my relationship.....
    I want(ed) more children than my partner did. : (26 votes)
    32 %
    I want(ed) less children than my partner did. : (16 votes)
    20 %
    We were (almost?) always on the same page. : (39 votes)
    48 %
  1. Silva

    pomelo / 5861 posts

    As long as I can remember we've both wanted four but have been unsure about whether or not we can handle that. I'm pregnant with number 3, and we still are both pretty on the fence about a fourth.


    GOLD / nectarine / 2137 posts

    @DesertDreams88: I always thought that it would be the case that all the women I knew would want more kids, mostly because so many of us kind of had to put a gun to our man-baby/boyfriend/husband's heads to get them on board for marriage. But after I read your post and thought about it, of the friends/siblings I know well enough to know this--only one couple the woman wants a kid and husband doesn't want them at all, but I know SIX couples where the husband is dying to be a father and the wife doesn't want kids, and one where the wife was done at 2 and the husband begged for a third.

    Personally I'm glad that my husband and I have been on the same page, even when we were toggling back and forth between wanting 2 and 3. Now that #2 is here we're pretty positive we're done

  3. Silva

    pomelo / 5861 posts

    @LCTBQE: I think for whatever socially constructed and/or biological reason, women sometimes feel a hormonal/emotional urge that men don't always experience in the same way. I HOPE that I feel done after this baby, because four seems like SO MANY SMALL PEOPLE. But I'm really unsure about whether or not my off switch is going to be there. My husband wants a bigger family, but he's pretty okay saying "we could be done now." If I"m in the right mood (or the wrong mood, depending on how you look at it)- the thought of this being the last one feels like I'm being split open from the inside.

  4. hellobeeboston

    cantaloupe / 6953 posts

    @SupernovaJ: You are impressive. I think i would have a mental breakdown having a third.... between the older two and their busy schedules already with school and activities, working 40+ hours a week, and commuting 2.5-3 hours a day (my husband works even further), I also do occasional freelance projects, and oh yeah, we have a house to maintain! HA... it feels impossible to get through everything! we make it work, mainly by hiring a lot of help in various areas!! I also love my job!

  5. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4351 posts

    @DesertDreams88: we always were on about the same page but I think I would have been more upset if it didn't work out, mainly if we hadn't been able to give lo1 a sibling at all.

  6. WinterBee

    persimmon / 1052 posts

    Before Kids I wanted 3-4, DH wanted 2-3. Now that we have one (and one on the way) we agree that we’ll see how we feel after this babe comes, but we think we’d both be ok with just 2 kids. Although, we’re not completely closing the door on #3 yet.

  7. Umbreon

    kiwi / 667 posts

    I want three he wants two. I'm hoping he changes his mind but if not, I'll be happy with two.

  8. thepaperbutterfly

    grape / 76 posts

    I've always wanted two. I was cleaning out old homework from when I was in highschool, and apparently I saw myself with two kids in the future XD My husband would be okay with 1 or 2. We have a 20 month old DD and I'm almost 7 months pregnant with a little boy. I am so done after this.

    People joke that I don't need to have anymore kids because I got the perfect set, but I wouldn't have had anymore kids even if the second was a girl. Pregnancy is really difficult for me due to chronic pain (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) and unstable joints. Also, our daycare bill for two little ones will be like $2600/month. I can't imagine what it would cost for three XD It would also be a lot harder to take trips to Japan (my husband's whole family lives there) just for financial reasons. Then there is college. . . .

    My godsister wanted 1 and her husband wanted 2. They have one kid and he got a vasectomy. My mom wanted 2 kids and my dad would have been okay with 0, 1, or 2. After 2 my mom made him get a vasectomy. My sister wants 2 or less. My husband has four siblings (very large for a Japanese family) but his eldest brother has 2 kids, and we are about to have two kids. His other 3 siblings may or may not have kids in the future, but birth rate in Japan is lower than it is here in the US. Seems like everyone around us has 2 kids or less. Nothing wrong with having a larger family, it just isn't for us. Everyone needs to do what works best for them


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