We needed childcare for a few hours last minute, so I asked my in-laws if they could look after my 3month old. (DH's brother + SIL also live with them) I trust them all just fine but I've always found SIL bit obsessive with the LO, always needs to be the first to hold her (even taking her from her own grandparents!) or often jokes about how she would keep her and not give her back. Anyway, I figure she loves LO a lot - just her way of showing it. Everything was fine as we left, but not even an hour has gone by and she sends us photos of LO in different little outfits, dresses, her own daughter used to wear. In one of the photos, LO looks visibly upset, crying or fussing. It made me worry after that, especially since this was our first time dropping our baby off! DH said he might tell her not to do that for next time, but I don't want to start trouble. Am I overreacting? She used to dress her own daughter up for fun all the time, take photos, etc. She clearly misses having a LO, but mine is not her doll to play with. Also we wanted LO to have quality time with her grandparents, is there a way to verbalize that without having BIL + SIL take her most of the time?
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I don't think you're overreacting. Id be totally annoyed if someone was treating my son like a doll and he looked visibly upset by it.
BUT I probably wouldn't say anything unless it happened again.
Question - could you just ask your inlaws to come to your place to babysit? I've never dropped my son off anywhere, it just seems so much easier to have them come to us, where all of his stuff is. That way 1) it'll be easier on you and 2) it would probably just be your inlaws, I doubt SIL would come with them.ETA: if it does happen again, I'd probably say "you know what, DD gets really overstimulated sometimes and it makes it harder for her to get to sleep later. Can you minimize the changing and interacting?" Or something like that. I'd give them a concrete reason beyond it annoys me (although I do think that's a legit reason, they may not).
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Yes I completely agree, I only change her for bed to PJs or morning when we get up. DH said he'd say she's too young but frankly I wouldn't want her playing dressup at 3mos or 3yrs! Though I'd teach her to talk back by then. Haha.
Unfortunately the grandparents are too old to drive so dropping LO is the easiest.
I figured that next time I'd let them babysit during the day only, while others are at work. I might find another sitter for the evening and have someone come over (e.g. my mother, who can drive and is 15min away) But I also don't want DH to think his family isn't good enough to babysit our child, so it's a tricky situation.
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@Lapin: Oh I see. Could one of you pick your inlaws up an hour or so before you have to leave? Might not be too much of a hassle since you're having to go there anyway to drop off.
That way it also helps ensure that LO goes to bed in her own bed and hopefully on time.
(I'm a stickler for sleep and bedtime, lol) -
@sweetiepie, I totally agree on the sleep schedule! We are just getting into a routine and she JUST started STTS, so if this sets her back I'd be doubly annoyed, though I'd say most of that's my fault for not letting her stay home. We certainly know for next time!
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That would totally piss me off and I wouldn't be able to be polite about it either. I would address it right away that she is not a doll. I'd probably tell her you sent your baby over there to be kept safe and have her cared for for a few a hours NOT change her clothes & take pics of her as if she's a real life doll.
People are going to do what they are going to do when you're not looking, but the fact she sent you pictures brings the issue to bear. That would be the last time she gets to babysit. Unless your MIL & FIL speak up when your daughter is at their home I doubt you can keep SIL away. You dropped her off at a home they all share, whichever adult wants to step in will.
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@Mrs Lemon-Lime, frankly the fact that she even bothered to send pics shows the level of common sense she has. And yes I would not bother sending DD for babysitting while SIL is there. She already annoys me with how much she wants DD for herself, and has given me bags and bags of LG dresses since DD was a few weeks old!
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I don't think it's that big of a deal, if they only had the baby for a couple of hours.
But if this bothers you, the best way to avoid it would be to not ask your inlaws to babysit when your SIl and BIl are home.
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