Hellobee Boards

I'm not sure it's bribery, but I'm happy to show my appreciation to the people that care for my kids all day. I know that I pay a lot for those services, but only a fraction of what I pay actually goes to the teachers who do the grunt work of keeping my child alive. Also, my kids are generally happy and excited to see the teachers so I feel like they are somewhat vested in my kids.

I vote for do what works for you. But I certainly gift the teachers. I also suspect it helps in the relationship building with me and my family.

We've done it for some holidays, but I haven't noticed any difference in the kids' care. Maybe in how the teachers talk to us, but that's another story. DH and I disagree every now and then about gifts (he thinks we pay more than enough as it is, I think it's a nice way to express our thanks for the great job the teachers do). But the way the kids are treated never came into it.

If I noticed the day care is treating our kids worse because they didn't get a gift, or heard something like that from another parent, we'd be out of there. End of story.

Yes, it's bribery. Sorry. This is the reason why in public schools where my son goes to school you are not allowed to give gifts directly to the teacher that benefits them. You can give them supplies for the classroom that benefit the students, but you can not give cash or a gift card to the teacher for their personal use.

I don't consider it bribery if it's given with the right intentions. We are so, so grateful for the car our LO gets, and we randomly gift wine, cupcakes, or cards, because I think the teachers are really special and deserve it. Maybe other parents would think I'm brown nosing, but it's not about them.

Also, there was a teacher bag at our Valentines drop off this morning, and I hadn't even thought of them before that point!! Ha. I need to think of something before pickup.

@looch: What would you count as appreciation? Just a handwritten note?

@wrkbrk: I would say something along the lines of letting the director know that the teacher was doing an exceptional job, going above and beyond what as necessary.

I think anytime a material object changes hands, it becomes a slippery slope. I know in my industry we can't accept gifts over a certain dollar amount even though "everyone does it." I think it puts people in a weird position, especially once you get to public school. There are families to which $20 is a burden. How are they supposed to show their appreciation if not monetarily? I don't really have a good answer.

I don't think it's bribery. We leave our babies/kids with these workers for 8 hours a day and their pay is so low. I never gift the director, and it was really our way to show our appreciation. I always included a heartfelt note to show how much we appreciated them.

In the end, it depends on your motivations. If you're doing it to get better care, then yes, it's bribery. If you've been unhappy with the daycare, i'm not sure if a gift card will really change things around.

A friend of mine worked in a daycare and according to her the teachers had more patience and care for the kids whose parents gave generous gifts! She said it was one of the reasons she left that job/career.

Wow, this post and all the comments are really shocking to me. I never would have thought that you could bribe a care provider into providing better care for your kid. Now I'm really glad that for Christmas this year, all the parents in DD's room pooled our money together and gave one big card to the teachers. I didn't entirely get the point at the time but it makes a lot of sense now.

I'm inclined to think I would want to switch daycares if I felt like the quality of care was dependent on bribes. But based on these replies it sounds like this is commonplace so who knows.

@Mrsbells: omg, the director at DD's old daycare did this! It's funny but she never knew that we gave the caregivers gifts and one time she had a talk with DH and me because she felt like i only brought up stuff when i was unhappy. While defending ourselves, we pointed out that we wouldn't give gifts to the caregivers if we were unhappy. She ended up sending an email to all the parents thanking another parent and "DD's parents" for the gifts. It made me really uncomfortable!!

Good discussion. I worked with (a longtime ago) dogs at a cage less kennel and there was this man who would tip me. I never knew how to handle it, he would do it unexpectedly. Anyhow, he had an expensive purebred hunting champion. I felt pressure to treat the dog extra well.

Kids aren't animals, obviously, but I could see similar psychology occurring if teachers are gifted.

I've only ever used in home daycare, but I always give little gifts to our provider to show her we care, not just holiday/birthday. Even something small like a candle I know she likes or I'd surprise her with a coffee/cinnamon roll on a Friday after a particularly hard week of dealing with my Threeanger. I appreciate them and I show that by words of affirmation and gift giving

@Orchid: I probably shouldn't be shocked but I am!

Wow, LO is attending school in the most affluent part of the city in the fall. I hope teachers don't accept gifts corruption.

So I just left LO's daycare Vday party. The teachers had two gifts clearly from parents. I did not gift, but I totally volunteered food items that would get noticed i.e. better care. I also, with their permission, brought in a craft project. We started off rocky and I want to make sure my child didn't suffer too much because I am *that* mom.

I found that showing the teachers some attention (LO is in his third room) made a difference. In his last two class rooms by the time I gave a gift I really did do it because I appreciated them, but I agonized if it was enough.

Wow, this thread is blowing my mind! I've worked with kids & taught in various settings for 15 years and I've never once considered a gift from a parent to be a bribe for "better treatment". I've also never encountered any coworker who mentioned favoring a child more or less because of a gift given to them by the parents. I'm appalled to hear that care providers openly talk about being more patient with kids when giving a gift. If you feel like you should bribe a provider/teacher for better care with gift cards you should definitely start looking for new care! Good teachers do not care about presents and definitely don't let it affect how they treat the children.

I've never thought of gifts as bribes, just a way of saying thank you! I have also never felt it was expected but we would just do random little trinkets if we had the time/energy (for vday, a little ceramic heart with candy and a note of thanks). I don't think that garners any favorable treatment but I would be appalled if I heard of social media posts about gifts!

I agree whole heartedlywith what @joyfulkiwi said.

I've worked in various preschool settings, been a preschool parent, and never seen the quality of gifts be a factor in care. Preschool teachers/daycare teachers work hard for not very much and it's always nice to be appreciative. (Daycare costs might be crazy expensive but teachers just don't get paid that much)

Also, if your child is kind of a wild child and always getting in trouble, no matter the quantities or quality of the gift will change him getting in trouble.

@JoyfulKiwi: In all honesty, I do not think that anyone enters the profession with the intention of ever providing better care because of gifts that they receive from parents. But, you have to acknowledge, that just as with anything, there are bad apples in the teaching profession as well. People are people and some of them will behave badly.