Daycare, Development, and Vent

By irene Aug 8, 2014

This is a bunch of vent....

LO is 2.5 years now. In LO's daycare they move you up to the next classroom every half a year, depending on age and development. We have been in this daycare since LO was 1. Lately he is always being put on the "slower" track, and it worries the heck out of me every time when we are about to transition. His speech development is slower than his peers (I am assuming us being bilingual has a thing to do with it, I hope), but he is on par with the general children development guidelines (3-4 words associations, broken sentences...etc). Then, he never really asked to use the potty at school. Sigh!

He used to get transferred to the next classroom with his friends of same age, but now he is the last one. When we go pick him up, his room is filled with younger toddlers I've never seen, and when I go over to the next classroom, all his friends are in there! I almost felt left out / betrayed and I am not even the one who is being transferred lol.

We were told we will start in the next classroom in September 2 and transition will start this week. But again, they brushed us off to next week. I have brought it up to the director (casually asking her when we will be moved up), and she always brushed me off.

I know, I need to calm down, this is no big deal, but I can't help but feeling bad for LO, and make me wonder if I am doing something wrong that is not "stimulating" LO to catch up with his peers. It especially doesn't help when we were at our 2.5 year appointment, LO being extremely shy and won't talk to the doctor, and he asked, did you guys ever worried that he maybe autistic? Argh!!! The exact same thing happened when he was 2 years old (and they transferred him later than his peers), and I panicked and called Early Intervention for an assessment, and they assured me that he is developing on par and he is advanced in some aspects.

Husband said I didn't bribe the director at daycare and that's why we didn't get transferred. hahaha.

Just super bummed. Anyone has similar experiences? Any tips on helping me to calm down?

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Tags: daycare , development

17 comments

Mrs. Lion
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts

Aug 8, 2014

My guess is it may have more to do with ratios than him not being ready. If there are peers that are "more ready" then they might have been moved first, but if they are saying he is ready and delaying it, is there a possibility they need to wait for an older child to move up who may not be ready yet?
septca
GOLD / pomegranate / 3688 posts

Aug 8, 2014

First, you need to trust your instincts on this and stand up for yourself if necessary. I personally think that social isolation and not being able to be in a comfortable space - with people who are familiar to you - can be damaging to kids, so I would push to have your child moved up if you feel that it is age- and developmentally-appropriate. This may mean doing extra things at home to get him ready. It may also mean standing up to the daycare director and having a candid conversation about your concerns.

Second, if your pediatrician is asking you questions about your LO's development, that would be a red flag to me. If you trust your ped, I would pursue his advice and have your LO screened for any developmental delays. If everything checks out well, then you are armed with that information and all you've lost is a bit of time (and, possibly, money). Again, trust your gut on this.
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@Mrs. Lion: Yes maybe, but they have transferred 2 tods (both girls) that are 1 month younger than he is! I kept telling myself OK they are girls and it is easier to potty train girls... but it just makes me feel bad for LO. I am sure LO himself doesn't care but it's me.

Just sucks that nowadays when I pick him up and we are in the car, he'd tell me Peter, other class; Zoe, other class; John, other class....etc.
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@septca: Thanks..... I trust my gut that LO is OK. Seriously. And don't get me wrong, I am not the type who ignore signs and brush everything off. I used to be worried sick when he was younger. When he was 2+ years old, we did seek Early Intervention for an assessment (3 specialists for 3 hours) and they reassured me that LO is developing fine and on par. That I shouldn't worry. I just don't want to call them again in less than half a year to do this again when I know he is OK.

I'll see if I see the director today and mention to her my concerns.... Just so bummed out.
regberadaisy
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts

Aug 8, 2014

If you are confident there is nothing to worry about I would sit down with the director and straight up ask why he is being "held back". At our daycare they tend to do moves in groups so no "one"child is left behind.

I agree with @Mrs Lion that it might be a # ratio thing. But if you said it's happened time and time again when it's time to move room I probably would be upset too. Especially if my LO was the only one in his age still left in the younger room.
Mrs. Lion
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@irene: there is also a chance they are trying to keep a boy/girl balance in the classrooms....i would definitely talk to the director if you have concerns. Thye wont be able to specifically tell ypu about why any other child has been moved, but they should be able to explain why yours hasnt been.
Mamaof2
squash / 13208 posts

Aug 8, 2014

I have been on both sides - being held back and moved up before it was time.

DS was 3 and it was time to move up but they moved up 2 kids younger than him - I was shocked! I talked to the director and she explained that DS wasn't behind but these 2 girls were way ahead and she felt it would be a disservice to them to hold them back. I still wasn't thrilled but what can you do!

With DD they wanted to move her to Preschool 2 months early - I didn't think she was ready at all - still not PT'd, not counting , etc. director assured me DD would do great - they moved her up and within 2 weeks she was using the potty and counting! I was happily surprised.

All that to say " Talk to the director and see what they have in mind for DS. Is he behind? Is someone else ahead? Is the ratio just off right now?

And your right its harder on us then it is on them!
looch
wonderful pear / 26210 posts

Aug 8, 2014

That comment by your ped...it doesn't sit well with me. I am not sure how I'd move forward after that, but I for sure would not be using that pediatrician's services any longer.

If you think your son needs help with speech, why not look into private therapy?
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@locavore_mama: Thank you for the reassurance.... OK I will talk to the director today or Monday....

@Mrs. Lion: The director has asked me one time saying LO doesn't ask to use the potty by himself and she has suggested I start potty training with him. In which I did (!!!!!), and recently we have more success. The problem is he asked in a very ambiguous way and you have to go up to him and ask him a few times if he needs to go. I just do not know why he doesn't ask at school, or maybe they can't pay attention to every kid like I could at home.
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@Mamaof2: Hugs!!! Funny, for a few months now LO has been counting to 20 in English and I beyond 30 in Chinese (well he does skip a few #s), visually recognizes and names all numeric characters from 0-9 in both Chinese and English, and would be able to press the correct button in the elevator when asked to do so, by me and strangers. And no, he is not advanced enough to be moved up with his friends. Like what else do you want me to do, make him read in 4th grade level before you can consider moving him up? LOL

We sometimes are in the elevator with the lead teacher from the next class and she was impressed with him. Even she asked me one day, how old is your son and how old is Peter (his friend in class (fake name))? I said they are 6 days apart. Then she goes, how come Peter moves up and LO hasn't? I said, I have no idea, maybe they think he is not ready for potty training. Sigh!

OK I will talk to the director. Just I didn't want to bother her because I am afraid I am becoming that crazy mom.

@looch: I know, I need to ask him if he asks that to everyone. Cuz I haven't worried about autism for a long time until he asked. ARGH.

@looch: ETA: But the thing is, LO is on par on speech development..... 3-4 word associations and broken sentences. Just that yes his peers seem to be speaking fluently and telling stories. Do you think I should worry and go for speech therapy?
Mamaof2
squash / 13208 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@irene: Is being PT a requirement to move up?
irene
nectarine / 2964 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@Mamaof2: I thought it was, but obviously they *start* potty training in the next class. I am guessing other kids show more ready signs than LO ....
Mamaof2
squash / 13208 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@irene: yeah I would just flat out ask the teacher "why isn't he moving up?"
MamaG
pomelo / 5298 posts

Aug 8, 2014

First let me address the potty training. He's 2.5! The normal at our school for that age is the children who are training they take them to the bathroom every hour. They don't wait for the children to ask to use the bathroom. My LO will be 3 in a week and this is still the process for her.

Second, absolutely talk to the director. I have had to do this several times for sort of opposite reasons. LO is big and ahead for her age. She does best with children that are about 6 months older than her rather than her same age. I keep pushing to have her move with those children rather than her peers. Unfortunately, our director needs for things to be her idea. So last time after talking to her about 4 times, I just sat back and waited. Within a week she came to me like it was a brillant idea to move our daughter up ahead of schedule.

I'm sure there were parents questioning (much like you are) why a younger child move first, but she really does thrive best with the older kids.
lamariniere
pineapple / 12566 posts

Aug 8, 2014

Have a frank talk with the director. You are a paying customer and I think you deserve solid answers. My son was just in a similar situation, definitely ready to move to the big kid class but with younger, less advanced kids moving up before him. I know the reason they didn't move him though, which was because we gave the school notice that we were changing schools and they didn't want to bother moving him, which I thought was highly unprofessional. The last month, my son was stuck in a class with a bunch of 2 year olds and he is 3.5. I always felt like he was with the babies every time I picked him up. I didn't say anything because I knew it wouldn't change (the director was awful, which is one of the reasons we left) and we had a timeline to leave the school anyway. But you can be sure I would have been at the director's door if he had been "held back" if we weren't changing schools.

As for calming down...if professionals have told you your son is on track and even advanced in some areas, I would just try to keep that in mind.
lamariniere
pineapple / 12566 posts

Aug 8, 2014

@irene: I thought of something else. Does your daycare do parent teacher conferences? I found ours to be fairly helpful since it is so hard to judge where my son is compared to others, especially since there is a language barrier (for me). Since the teachers see him all day, they would probably have an excellent idea of where he is developmentally, and could also tell you what if anything he needs to work on. If they don't, I would ask the director if you could schedule one with his main teacher, or even ask the teacher if she could really sit down and talk with you sometime soon.
Chillybear
pomegranate / 3032 posts

Aug 8, 2014

We just dealt with the opposite problem. For the 1st 6 months of daycare all the babies were in 1 large class room 6 weeks-18 months. about 6 weeks ago they decided to split the room 6 weeks-9 months and 9 months-18 months. LO was 8 months old but was crawling and eating 2 regular meals of solids so due to ratios they opted to move her up instead of the 2 other babies closer to her age or older.

I was really worried as she was the only non walker in the class and definitely the smallest in size. The first few weeks were rough and i had to talk to the teachers and director about some scratches and bumps that i found or were reported to me. They resolved it by moving the 2 oldest boys up to the next class and some of the babies closer to her age will be moving in her room after labor day.

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