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That's so hard. I think absolutely it's ok to take a step back and take some time away.
And I wouldn't feel at all bad about calling 911, they are there for situations that are not controllable and that doesn't sound like something you could safely deal with with a newborn in tow.

Eta sending so many hugs! I can't imagine having to deal with all that and kids and pp hormones

This sounds so tough! You definitely need to set some mental boundaries for yourself and your sanity, and protecting your kids. Don't worry about taking away the newborn days from your mom...what about from yourself! Be kind to yourself, you sound like such a loving daughter and mother.

@crazydoglady: First of all, it's the opposite of selfish. You're not doing this for yourself, you're doing it for your kids. It's your job to protect them from trauma by learning from your experiences as a kid yourself, and that's exactly what you're trying to do.

Secondly, no one but you and your partner are "entitled" to your DD's newborn days. You're not depriving them of anything; in fact, the time you've given them is a gift!

My dad is bipolar, and we've had periods of TOs when he's not been healthy. It's unfortunate, and it makes me sad when it has to happen, but I've never regretted doing it. So much love, so much support

I get everything you're saying so much. I've made a similar choice to see my parents more than I would like, so they could have the joy of being grandparents, and now I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew.

It's draining. I feel bad for them because of all the ways they don't have their act together, but feel I can't fill the gaps for three adults who live 40 minutes away - I'll go down with that ship, and barely make a dent in their problems. I feel bad that the main feeling they inspire in me is desire to be somewhere else, but I also worry that if I relax and accept them as they are, I'll not be able to protect the kids. And I've been so good at hiding my feelings that DH, bless him, has gotten all lovey and cosy with his in-laws and will ask them to watch DS on school holidays without checking with me. And now I'm going to pieces and can't deal with having to see them at every holiday, never mind the idea of them watching my kid that often.

I don't know if I've made a huge mistake in not staying far, far away from them to start with. In my defense, I was making this decision five years ago, and a lot has changed since. It's a different world. Anyhow, I totally get wanting an unspoken break - no drama about how "you don't want to see your parents any more," just subtle ways to get more breathing room.

@crazydoglady: the fact that she knew and came anyway I think for sure means you need to take some time. And maybe have a frank discussion with your parents that you do not want your children to experience bad days with them

I knew that dealing With loved ones with mental illness is really hard. There is no right answer but taking care of yourself first and protecting yourself from the emotional is the top priority.

I think for your OWN mental health, a time out is in order! Please don't feel guilty for doing what's best for you and your family.

First off, hugs. Second, it is not selfish at all. I don't see my immediate family that often but when I do, it can be trying on me (probably doesn't help that I don't see them often). My sister and my mom both have mental health issues and, with my sister, I find I don't have it in me to be sympathetic any more. I can't pity things. So you are NOT alone.

Anyways, what stood out to me... You said above: "the thing is, she knew she was having a manic episode before she came here today but still came." I think you need to protect yourself in those instances. Even when she insists she's fine and can do whatever you have planned, refuse. Wait it out until she's a bit more removed from the issues (the manic episode, hospitalization, etc.). And, honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that you need to protect your son from witnessing certain things at his age. Maybe limit interactions to in-home or "safer" ones where things are less likely to happen?

@crazydoglady: this is really so hard, and I commend you for dealing with it in a level-headed way. I agree with everyone else that it's not "selfish". hate that word, hate that you'd feel guilty for taking care of yourself, hate that as women we go there and conclude that if we're not putting everyone else first we're selfish. Fuck that. I'd go beyond that it's an unselfish decision and say you kind of *have* to set firmer boundaries here, I don't think you even have much of a choice. I wish gingerbebe was around to comment on this because I recall she dealt with similar difficulties and she was so clear with what was needed.

I have difficult parents too, although bipolar disorder is exceptionally tough I dread the holidays and visits at large and am so jealous of people who are all breezy like, "oh my mom watches the kids on Wednesdays and when we go on long weekends for our anniversary". That world is so totally not my world. Wouldn't it be nice.

@Mama Bird: "I'll go down with that ship, and barely make a dent in their problems. I feel bad that the main feeling they inspire in me is desire to be somewhere else" --this x1000, lady. It took me a long time to accept that I can't fix my folks and that I'm not a sack of shit of a human because I refuse to try anymore.

@crazydoglady: I haven't been in this situation but based on what you said here, I can't see this being selfish in any way! So sorry you're dealing with this during the newborn days! (Obviously, and at all, but especially now with a big transition on your plate.)