We moved out of state and bought a new house in a neighborhood that is about 50% done being built. There is a great lot/house that my parents are interested in. I am all for it but my husband is a little weirded out by the idea of it (but not against it). I do agree it sounds weirder than it actually will be. It is a different street but still probably a 1 minute walk. But the lots are large and wooded so there is privacy. They are nice normal people who give us space and never would impose on us. When we lived about 15 minutes away from them before we saw them maybe once a week, they always left it up to us when we wanted to come over. Because I know they are this way I know it will work out and only really see the positives.. like when it comes to babysitting, being close if they or us needed anything, being able to see my mom easily mid week when my husbands working and we are free. I know this would not be an ideal situation if the parents had boundary issues or were needy with spending time with you but my parents are so far from being that way. If my husband said he didn't want them that close then it wouldn't be happening. He has a great relationship with them but since he finds it a little strange its just sort of bothering me.
So, has anyone lived very close to their parents or in laws?
Experiences? Good or bad?
cantaloupe / 6920 posts
We live about 5 houses away from my parents and I love it!! No negatives. And I really don't see them anymore than I did when we lived further away. I don't have my mom babysit often just because I don't like to impose. But the kids love walking to grandmas house and waving or saying hi. And it's nice if we did have an emergency we could drop the kids off quick. We also sometimes meet up to go for walks. All in all it's great! They even have a key to our house but I've never been worried that they would come over unannounced or anything.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
I love 15-20 min from my parents and 30 from his; but his don't go on highways so we usually meet at my SILs.
I would not mind living next to my parents! They are not nosy, not overbearing and since my mom helps me, the closer the better
apricot / 431 posts
We live about 30 min from each. I wish I lived closer to my parents! Preferably next door
Neither of our parents are overbearing and they both respect boundaries. I'm sure they like their space and privacy just as much as you guys like yours! Besides being great for babysitting, it's also great (in my opinion) that they can see both sets of grandparents a lot.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
I wouldn't care if my parents lived that close. They would respect we have our own lives and wouldn't just pop over. But I would love being able to call and see if they could help out with LOs if we needed it. Right now they are 45 mins away. ILs are 5 hours away and that is close enough.
hostess / papaya / 10540 posts
If everyone respected each other's space, I wouldn't mind. I have several relatives that live within a 5 minute drive or less and I love it.
nectarine / 2466 posts
My mom lives about a 5 min walk from me. My sister lives even closer. My dad lives about. 3 min drive. My grandparents less than that. Dh's dad lives a 10 min drive and his mom a 15 min drive. It's fine, never been an issue. It's super handy having my parents close by for babysitting and visiting
grapefruit / 4321 posts
The one thing I would consider since you say you moved out of state, do your parents have a plan for building a social network? I think living 5 minutes from your parents in the town where you grew up is one thing. Having your parents move to be near you is a different animal. You want to be sure you and your husband/children don't become your parents only social outlet because they don't know anyone else. My parents are considering retiring to where my husband and I live but they are looking at 55+ planned communities that would allow them easy opportunities to meet people and make friends.
pomelo / 5563 posts
For a while I lived 20 minutes from my parents and while I joked that it was too close it was fine, they never just dropped in or anything. Shortly after we had our first child they moved three hours away and I wish they lived closer.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I live a 9 minute drive away from my parents, they have a key code to our house. In 4 years they have never shown up unannounced.
I don't think it's weird at all to have your parents in the same development, it just might take some discussion around ground rules.
pomelo / 5791 posts
We live 5 minutes from my parents and love it. They are not intrusive, but they babysit all the time. It's great!
grapefruit / 4089 posts
I wish I lived that close to my parents! We are an hour away and it's too far.
pomegranate / 3355 posts
I don't now. But I grew up right next to my grandparents and an aunt/uncle. Like all three neighbors. It was AWESOME as the kid I do remember my mom and dad having some "issues" about it but overall it was great. I think it depends on you/your DH and the relationships/tolerance within the relationships. I know that I could better handle living close to my in laws than DH could handle living near my mom.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
It depends. Could we do it yes. But when we were considering it, DH asked that we not live within walking distance. He wanted enough space that you would have to call and ask to come over.
eggplant / 11716 posts
@Mrs.Pinecone316: I think in your scenario it wounds fine. But I also think you have an obligation to listen to your husband's worries about the situation. I mean, if it isn't fine with him, why isn't it? Has he had past experiences with your parents that make him wary of this situation? Listen to his fears and together figure out if this will work. Ask him what specific boundaries he would need and then make sure your parents follow that.
Also, you might want to let your husband know that your parents are grown adults and you can't tell them where they can and can't move. If they want a new house and it happens to be in your subdivision, you can't stop him. All you can do is set your own boundaries. Don't give them a key if he's not comfortable with it. Don't answer the door if it's an unexpected visit. Etc.
cherry / 248 posts
I'd be fine with it. My in laws lived about a 5 minute walk from us and it was reassuring to know in an emergency they were close by. My mother in law would rarely drop by more likely I'd drop by with kids to her house. We've moved and now my sister in law is less than 5 minutes away. Once again I find it comforting to know family is close by. She does on occasion swing by after work but it's nice to have her stop in. When house hunting we had an opportunity to buy the house directly across the street from her. It wasn't our ideal home and I felt it was a little too close. We'd see every move each other made.
hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts
We share 5 acres with my in laws. It's okay but DD wants to visit everyday and they're almost always home. I'd prefer to see them once a week lol my parents are about 15 minutes away and we see them about once a week. They are very helpful but never in my business. So I guess overall it's a good experience. I'd take issue with my in laws at some point regardless
cantaloupe / 6171 posts
@Truth Bombs: that's a really important point about whether the parents will have other social outlets! My parents have a weird situation where they half live in my hometown (where my brothers family also is) and half in the city where I am now, and it's great because in both places they have social and professional networks (my dad works in my city, my mom in my hometown). So when they're in either place, they're available to help w grandkids but also have their own social lives and commitments. My mil on the other hand doesn't have much of a network and is super passive aggressive about wanting to be included-- she doesn't live near by but if she did it would be really frustrating and tense to have to figure out boundaries since she'd always be available and wouldn't have any other outlet
pomegranate / 3966 posts
We live next door to my in-laws (in the country). No 'real' issues. My FIL is a butt so he has been in our house once in 8 years and is a total different set of issues.
My MIL will usually come down once a week for a bit which is fine, it's nice to have her next door so we can borrow back and forth (flour, eggs). She'll come down and take DS for a walk with her or we go see her to get out of the house for a bit. She can be there after school when we get to that point, and is available in a pinch if we would need her to watch DS.
I also grew up next door to my grandparent's farm till 1st grade and loved it, we'd walk over to visit them after school. I was pretty heartbroken when we moved away!
I think it's great for the kids especially.
honeydew / 7463 posts
Define close My ILs are about 1-1.5 hour drive away and it feels too close because they would come every day back and forth if I allowed it. We see them weekly because I arranged that (so that they'd stop asking all the time), but they put up a big fight that it wasn't enough.
They live 15 mins from my BIL and SIL and they're about to have a baby in a month. I (and they) shudder at the thought of how much they'll want to be there.
So for us, my ILs, it would be an absolute no. But my husband would be in agreement.
My parents live a 7 hour drive or 1hour flight away. My sister lives 5 miles from them and they still only see them once a week and that's because my mom babysits the youngest one day a week.
My parents are like yours - they get boundaries and quite honestly they have their own lives/work and hobbies and are homebodies so they aren't thinking about us 24/7 like my MIL (she has stayed at home for 38 years and my husband and his brother have been out of the house for 20 years - so she's pretty damn bored). So I think if we lived near them it would be totally manageable and we'd have very separate lives and we'd see each other when it works and no big deal if a month goes by. If anything I'd probably annoy them more than they'd annoy us. I don't think DH would have a problem with it either, BUT someone above made a good point that if they are relocating to live near you they may be more reliant on you since they don't have a huge friend network.
Also - if your parents want to buy a lot near you I'm not sure how you can tell them no. I mean, they are adults and it's their money so if they want to buy it they can. They don't need your husbands permission. If you told them though that it might be too close for comfort would they understand? Mine would, but again, they get the whole boundaries thing.
apricot / 491 posts
I live in a duplex with my ILs, and I rarely see them at home (only at church/school events multiple times a week, but not much at home). I live 20-30 mins from my parents, so it's a pain when we have to go see them, especially if it's later in the evening or night.
clementine / 806 posts
given the way you described your parents, i think it sounds amazing! We are a 10 minute drive from my parents, and see them every Sunday for dinner. They are around to babysit when needed - it is great.
pomegranate / 3768 posts
We live less than 10 minute drive from my parents. DH's parents currently lives in another state but are planning to move closer to us. They're looking right in our neighborhood and we can't wait for them to move here. We LOVE having family live close by.
persimmon / 1316 posts
Thanks everyone for your replies! It makes me feel better knowing people have loved being close or would prefer their parents to live closer.
As far as the social circle goes, its a good point but I am not really worried about that. They aren't these big social people, like walking around the neighborhood and talking to neighbors and then seeing their kids/grandkids once a week was pretty standard for them.There is a good mix of retired couple in our neighborhood so I know that will be nice for them.
I agree they could technically buy anywhere they wanted even if we weren't ok with it but they honestly never would. We have really open communication so if I told my mom we would love them close but not THAT close they would totally understand and be no hard feelings. But I am glad we have the kind of relationship where I know this will work out great.
I appreciate all your incite! I am hoping it all works out
persimmon / 1445 posts
We lived with my parents... In the same house... for 15 months. And it was awesome. We all got along really well and DD built such a close relationship with my parents. They are pretty cool and respected our privacy and boundaries. We now live slightly over an hour away and I miss them. DH actually does too- both for their childcare abilities and we just generally enjoy their company. My dad has been contemplating buying the house next door to his and we will renovate it for us to rent/ my siblings to rent down the line.