Hellobee Boards

We don't talk to my in-laws that often. My relationship with my mil is difficult and I try to be as guarded and I can be while still being polite. Fil is different but also not close. We don't live near any of our closet family. I also don't trapped to my parents all the time, but they do visit often and make a point to be close to the kids.

I barely talk to my MIL outside of visits with my husband. Every once in awhile she will contact me, usually with a logistics type of question. Once my husband was traveling for work (for less than a week) and she called because she thought I might be lonely. I guess it was a nice sentiment but I had actually been looking forward to some alone time so I was not really sure how to respond when she said that. We are just not on the same page at all.

It's just my MIL. We live in the same town and DS goes over for a few hours each weekend. So, never phone calls but mostly texting about when to get LO. We all go out to dinner for birthdays etc and she is always very generous on my birthday, mother's day, and the like. I can definitely have a conversation with her and do, but we don't specifically "hang out." She has different interests than me and wouldn't be a friend if I wasn't married to her son. So, not super close but just fine.

Do you speak with your in laws on a regular basis?
-Only because I have to. They have a standing weekly visit (well MIL comes weekly, FIL is with her about 50% of the time). For the first year - 18 months of LOs life we had almost daily texts or calls asking when they could visit. Often asking for weekends when we wanted to schedule family time for the 3 of us. It was so F-ing annoying. A friend told us to just schedule a once weekly visit the same day every week and it would help. I was reluctant because I didn’t want to see them weekly but it actually is better than the constant asking and badgering. And guilt trips. My MIL at one point scheduled a lunch during the work day with my husband to discuss that they didn’t see LO enough (she was seeing him roughly every 10 days, and they live 1.5 hours away).
So anyway, Point is - yes I talk to them weekly but only because I have to. But I BOUNCE when they show up, so it’s pretty limited - we exchange pleasantries. Might as well take advantage since i SAH. And she likes when I’m gone because she gets all the attention from DS.

Did your MIL text or call you when you were pregnant?
-Nope. We don’t fight or openly dislike each other. But we aren’t close. Shes done a couple of things (as has FIL) that have been pretty offensive and/or overbearing. She’s the last person I want to have casual ongoing conversations with. Our texts are purely logistics.

Do you talk on the phone/lunch with them? -Hahahahahahhaahhaha. No. I would never. She would like to, I’m sure (she had 3 boys and has said she always wanted a daughter and hoped I would be like her daughter. And maybe that could have been the case if she didn’t try so hard/interfere). Again, I get a text maybe once a week and it’s usually related to logistics - time of visit, switching days, etc.

I WILL say that although she annoys me and I definitely try to avoid deep conversation, she means well and we just have different personalities. She’s not a BAD person she just has different expectations of our relationship (and hers with DH). She tries too hard and overthinks everything. But She really wants to help and that is appreciated when I actually need it. Like right now I’m 34 weeks with DS2 and she has been practically begging to help me more. So I finally caved and asked her to pick DS up from school one day a week because it’s physcially demanding (I walk a mile round trip twice a day) and then she stays all the way through bath and PJs. So I get a full day break once a week and although SHE annoys me I appreciate how much she loves my son and takes good care of him. She respects my wishes and she is happy to help and doesn’t hold it over me.
Oh and DS has started spending the night there every 3 weeks or so. Just 24 hours, usually Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. It gives DH and I 24 hours alone and she is on cloud 9. And my son does like her because she really actively plays with him. Which I also appreciate because I find playing with him super boring.

I do not speak with my ILs regularly. Usually DH calls once a week and they get an update from him.

I’m pregnant now and MIL has texted me twice in the last month asking how I’m doing. I guess because it’s getting closer to my due date. Before that she would just ask DH how I was feeling.

I try to text pics of LO every so often. They will text back a comment or something or comment if I post to Facebook, but it’s not really a conversation.

LO and I have maybe seen them once without DH. They live a couple hours away and usually wait for us to make plans.

They are good people and we don’t have a bad relationship, but I feel like it could be better!

@cake2017: I have two MIL, one who I am close with and one who hates me.

I’m close to SMIL, so close that if we don’t talk at least once a week she’ll freak out. She’s amazing.

When I was pregnant with DD, SMIL checked out me daily because she was DS sole babysitter.
Having my other MIL hate me made me realize that not everyone is gonnna love you and that’s okay as long as your DH is madly in love with you, that’s all that matters.

I don't talk to in in-laws regularly. BUT it's more b/c we don't speak the same language, so we'd never talk on the phone and chat or anything. I basically never talk to them not in person.

So with that said, MIL def did not text/call when I was pregnant with both kids. We really only see them when we have family get together, or when we need help with childcare last minute.

A big reason is that don't really drive so unless we go there, they don't usually come here. And everybody in his family are introverts and are happy not hanging out 24/7 haha.

I have a great relationship with my FIL, my ILs live about 4 hours away so we don't see them often (and they can't travel so it's all on us) but my LO loves him and they face time every 2-3 days per her request. He can be a bit over the top about some things (thinking my LO is the most amazing being ever, sends too many gifts) but in general we get along great and have some common interests. We text sporadically.

My MIL is a different story. She is unfortunately severely depressed, so although she can put on a happy face to interact briefly with my LO we don't have a relationship really. Nor does she really have one with my DH anymore either. It's a really sad situation. Before she got so sick it was kind of like @SweetiePie where she made me really uncomfortable bc I felt like she was hoping to finally get a daughter and we are just extremely different people. I just have never been able to relate to her at all and she makes me uncomfortable. In retrospect, some of that was mental illness that I wasn't really aware of when I was first getting to know her. But yea now it's all just at a standstill because she doesn't really interact with anyone. She's never done any sort of technology so even if she were well, all texts would go through FIL. She did use to want to talk to me on the phone on occasion which I absolutely hated. Anyway, so it's easier in a way now because I basically just don't have to deal with her at all but it's not for a good reason.

Do you speak with your in laws on a regular basis? I don't speak with them regularly but we get along well when we do speak (they usually come visit 1-2 times a year and we usually visit them once a year). My husband facetimes his parents with the kids about once a week and I'm usually running around in the background trying to clean dishes, laundry, etc.

Did you MIL text or call you when you were pregnant? No, but I wouldn't have expected her to reach out to me just because I was pregnant.

Do you talk on the phone/lunch with them? No. We get along great when we are together but they live really far away. I share pictures of the kids and text them thank-you's when they send us or the kids gifts. We all have busy lives so I don't think anybody is offended by a lack of communication.

I love my in-laws for raising my husband and loving us!

That said they can be difficult people.. very strong and opinionated and also can be controlling. They also are a big time-suck- lots of surprise visits and staying for hours.. I really struggled with it for awhile but I have learned to accept it as them loving us and the kids (bc they really do) and no one is perfect.

Respecting and honoring your parents is a big deal in their culture and it’s important to my husband and me to make sacrifices so they feel honored and loved.

So YES we see them a lot and talk to them. I’ll call my mil if I haven’t seen her in awhile but usually we see them at least once every other week so no need to call too.

I would go out to lunch but we never do just bc we usually hang out at home instead.

She does check up when I’m pregnant.. again we see them often so not necessarily thru text.

However with making decisions and logistics I let DH talk to them since they can be weird/controlling about things.

And when surprise visits can get overwhelming i tell DH and he tries tto graciously avoid it in a non-offensive way to them haha

My going to be in-laws have absolutely no relationship with my kids or I. I’ll get random forwards from MIL once in a while. They literally don’t even say hi or bye to me whatsoever. It’s ridiculous. Like my kids are your sons. Get over it.

I get along really well with my MIL. She raised her son to be the most generous and thoughtful individual, and she's the same way. She loves being a grandmother, and it shows. My boys adore her as do I. DH calls her once/week, and they FaceTime with the boys once/week. I will text her without DH to ask her something, or to thank her for sending something along with DH if he's stopped by (they live 45 min away).

With my mom, I try to keep her at arms' length. She has boundary issues, and I have to set firm boundaries with her in order for her not to control my life. I get along much better with my MIL than my mom because my MIL knows not to meddle or be overbearing.

We used to be close with my in-laws, texting my MIL regularly, my husband would call them and talk to both. We also would visit them or they would visit us almost on a weekly basis.

There has been some troubles with one of his sisters we tried to work through but there was no making her happy. She started to get angry at other family for talking or having contact with us. As the issues continued his parents slowly started talking to us less.

Now they see us about once every 3 months if that, they call and talk to their son about once in between those visits. I have said when we have kids I am not allowing them to all of a sudden get close back like we used to be.

It's bad. MIL is overbearing and talks so much she sucks all the air out of the room. Our personalities are miles apart and I am fine with us not being close but she is pissed about it. Like bothers my husband about why don't I like her? I told him he needs to shut her down when she calls him to complain about me.

Recently I texted her an infographic about car seat safety because she and FIL are STILL not buckling my 4 year old in correctly (straps are WAY too loose) and she called my husband to complain that I insulted her, she raised him just fine, blah blah blah. Put aside your ego lady and do what's best for your grandchild. Sheesh. It's happened multiple times and they act like I am overreacting when I ask them to do it correctly. So they are no longer permitted to drive my children around.

I really don't understand (or like) them at all.

This comment has been deleted by the original poster.