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@Freckles: I think the reason initially why the NFL punished players for using PEDs harder than domestic abusers is because PEDs actually relate to their job and their performance and the integrity of the league. Theoretically you could make the argument that Rice will be punished through the system and that it isn't the place of someone's job to offer a "sentence" for something that doesn't relate to their job performance. Clearly what the NFL has realized is that they have a serious image problem they have to combat regarding football player aggression and they feel that character issues now have greater impact on a player's popularity, and thus the sport's popularity. A few years or decades ago maybe no-one would have made the connection and the NFL had the luxury of saying it was an "off-the-field issue."
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I think people are so shocked that this event occurred a mere month before she married this asshole. I think at face value it is easy to debase her based on her choices but Ray Rice is likely charming, and an entirely different person in public. The fact that he hit her this way in a public place is what disturbs me most. I can't imagine what he must do or have done to her behind closed doors as usually abusers like him keep their lives separate.
It is a shame that she is perpetuating the stigma for victims and being an example of a woman unable to stand up for herself. I think this is why so many women are quick to demonize her. However, they don't have to go home with that man. I'm sure she will do anything to please him and the fact that she could even remotely be implicated in costing him his career (as insane as that is) is what motivates her. The fact that the NFL allowed her to speak at a press conference in front of her aggressor and apologize proves to me how much a blind eye he league turns on mattes that are as grave as these.
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One more thing... How do you feel about watching this video? I haven't watched it. I think it is interesting that people have been writing about how we shouldn't look at the J. Law nudies, because it constitutes psychic violence, but it is ok for us to watch this poor woman be brutally beaten? Not on the same scale but of course we have all been advised to avoid the beheading videos. Maybe part of the reason she is acting this way is because of how vulnerable she feels since this video has come out....
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: Yeah I get what you are saying. I've avoided the nude photos, the beheading videos, and this video because I feel like it isn't my place and it's somehow disrespectful to the situation to sit by as a spectator. I don't want to be part of the public revictimizing.
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@mrsjazz: What's seems to be lost is that both of them exhibited poor behavior and neither one calmed down and walked away. Rice happens to be a strong man, which made it an unfair physical fight. The wife's lunges, slaps, and spitting is disgusting in my book too.
@Mrs. Sketchbook: I don't feel bad about watching the videos or looking at the photos. It's public consumption at this point. We are exposed to too much these days, but at least I get to draw my own conclusions.
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: I don't/won't watch it. It just feels gross.
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@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't think anyone is not talking about Janay spitting/slapping him. Heck, it's all people and the NFL were talking about before this video when she basically apologized for getting her ass beat in an elevator. I can't compare their behavior, he punched her in the face and couldn't even carry her out of the elevator, or see if she was okay? No, sorry, their behavior is not at all comparable in my opinion, not based on this video. He's despicable. I feel sorry and sad for her.
I watched the video, too. A lot of people did and we've all been drawing our own conclusions. I didn't look at any naked pictures because I don't care.
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@mrsjazz: he was icy cold toward her.
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He absolutely walked over her like this wasn't the first time he's knocked her out.
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@Nskillet: I think he's a sociopath. He's got the ego, and I've watched him turn on tears (like during the National Anthem). I think he's incredibly skilled at faking emotion to evoke empathy, and a cold, calculating person with no regard for others' well being.
I've worked with men who abuse their partners, and I don't make that as blanket statement about them. But Ray Rice? He's a scary, scary sociopath. -
@Nskillet: yeah, this was actually more disturbing for me. If you buy their version of events (mutual combat, she spit on him and he instinctually hit her) one would think that he would have had some reaction to her dropping to the floor other than dragging her out like she was trash and then stepping over her.
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@mrs.sketchbook: I agree with your concern about watching this video. This article in The Nation does a good job of addressing those concerns.
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@Katrocap: That is a great article. I don't totally agree with the premise that we can't have an opinion on her decision to stay with Ray Rice. I'm not saying judge the victim...but I think it is important for young girls to know that abusers are controlling and manipulative and they often get their victims into financial or social situations or codependent emotional places that keep them closed-in, etc. I think there is a way to have that discussion without judging the victim at all. But at the same time, I don't know if we need for everyone to gawk at this video. The reason why people think it is wrong to look at J. Law pics is because they are beautiful and private and clearly not-intended-for-us. J. Law is at the peak of her career, and part of her career is her sex appeal and beauty. Kinda like looking at the goddess Diana when she's not aware she's being viewed. I think it is really disturbing that images of women being beaten are considered acceptable for us to view because we perceive victims as weak and therefore it is ok for us to re-victimize them, over and over again.
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: just touching on the point about ppl losing jobs over felonies. It's rare for DV cases to be charged as felonies. Each state is different, but the law just changed here about DV strangulation. Before, you could strangle your wife, but unless someone could prove that you went into it with the intent to kill her, it was just a misdemeanor assault
So if workplaces are just looking for felonies, they're not seeing most DV cases. I read this earlier and thought it brought up a great prospective, #whyistayed
http://m.mic.com/articles/98326/19-why-istayed-tweets-that-everyone-needs-to-see?utm_source=policymicFB&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social -
http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/10/us/nfl-ray-rice/index.html?c=us
Rice is not the only one that may lose his job. Should Goodell step down?
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@mrs. bird: great article. Thanks for sharing.
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The whole situation is sad. There is a reason DV survivors need privacy. They shouldn't be forced to defend their choices and made to live out their struggle publicly. I don't think there was a way around that in this situation, but it is still sad.
I think people are often surprised that DV doesn't play out as they picture it will. Some people have this idea of a damsel in distress and an abuser and she just needs someone to rescue her and things will be fine. The truth is, people often return to their abuser, might tell or fight back, have complicated emotions. Living in a high stress situation for lengthy periods means you might not fit that perfect damsel in distress model. I hope people don't judge Janay for that and that Rice still faces trial.
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I have a lot of conflicted feelings on this – not about what he did (obviously, there is no defense for his actions), but more on the NFL’s reaction and the media’s attention/treatment of the story. 1 in 4 women will experience DV in an intimate relationship and every single day women (and men) are DV murdered by their partners in this country. Where is the all-day press coverage for long-term solutions? For better education and resources?
I also am quite nervous for her. If someone is comfortable behaving that way in public, their private behavior is likely much, much worse. And being an abuser, I’m sure that this fallout is of course “her fault”. According to abuser logic, she’s now ruined his very lucrative career and publically embarrassed him; I really hope she remains safe. I don’t know if they have children, but if so, it makes me incredibly sad to think of them being raised in an abusive home; and nervous for their safety as well.
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@yoursilverlining: they have a 2 year old little girl. My husband said the same thing- she shouldn't be mad at the media for ruining his career, he did it to himself by punching her unconscious. Undoubtedly she's probably getting blamed for all for all of this.
@jedeve: you said much of what I am feeling about this.
@mrs. bird: the wheel in your article is a great visual for all the sides of DV
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I feel like the whole situation is pretty tragic, but a couple of things have especially bugged me:
1) that news stations are playing the tape on endless loop. I feel like she is revictimized every time it is played and that it normalizes what this man did.
2) that people are blaming her for staying with him or not pressing charges etc. I wish people would stop blaming the victim. She is likely unable to do more than what she is doing. She needs love, support and help.
3) that football refused to acknowledge the reality of the situation until the public saw the tape. They were more than happy to sweep it under the rug and do a two game suspension until the tape was released.I've hated the way this has been covered on the news. It's clear that the newscasters don't understand the cycle of domestic violence. On fox, they even said, "What can we learn from this? Elevators have cameras." Ugh!
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I just saw this and had to share it because it is UNbelievable. This ESPN commentator was already suspended in July for making idiotic comments about this situation, basically saying women have to make sure not to "provoke" someone into hitting them. But now he's gone off on ANOTHER rant about this issue! WTF. He said domestic violence isn't an issue in the NFL, that it's just "a few cases." I'm sorry, I didn't realize "just a little" domestic violence is something to strive for. How about none? Maybe that would be preferable? Ugh, ESPN has to get rid of this guy.
http://deadspin.com/stephen-a-smith-doesnt-think-the-nfl-has-a-domestic-vi-1633022629
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@MrsSCB: I agree with you.
There was some discussion in the comments of that Deadspin post about how the NFL may have a lower rate of domestic violence than general society at large. But that doesn't take into account that significant others of NFL players are almost certain to underreport domestic violence incidents, for a million reasons! I wouldn't be surprised if SOs of NFL players are reporting at a much lower rate than the public at large...
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@mrbee: I've seen that discussion as well and it honestly pisses me off. I totally agree with your prediction about underreporting. Additionally, the CDC says 1 in 4 women have faced domestic abuse in their lives. Our national rate of abuse is abominable, but we should use it to measure NFL abuse? "Oh, well, it's not as bad as the abysmal national average so I guess we can ignore it until the two are equal." Umm. No.
Also this just came out: http://bigstory.ap.org/article/ap-newsbreak-source-says-rice-video-sent-nfl
"A law enforcement official says he sent a video of Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee to an NFL executive three months ago, while league officers have insisted they didn't see the violent images until this week.The person played The Associated Press a 12-second voicemail from an NFL office number on April 9 confirming the video arrived. A female voice expresses thanks and says: 'You're right. It's terrible.'"
So (not that we didn't already guess this) Goodell has pretty much been lying to everyone.
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@mrbee: I agree, most likely under reporting.
@MrsSCB: I'm with you...we can't compare the NFL rate to our national rate. We have a serious DV problem, but let's not all Hallelujah that NFL players may hit their wives/girlfriends less than the national average! It seems (this is totally my non-scientific opinion) that men who do work where there may be lots of violence and aggression (police officers/army) have higher rates of DV. I'm willing to bet that we can add football players to this list if there was truth in reporting.
I can't believe they denied seeing that video. It's just going to make this shitshow even worse for them.
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@mrsjazz: Yeah, what happened to saying, "We messed up, we did see this video, we're sorry." Take responsibility and own up to it! In the long run it'll be much easier that way.
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@MrsSCB: Was wondering if ESPN was going to suspend their commentator, and came across this article linked from their frontpage:
http://espn.go.com/blog/ombudsman/post/_/id/440/content-crimes-and-punishment-at-espn
It doesn't look like they treat the whole process that seriously.
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Bumping - Ray Rice won his appeal and is now able to sign with any NFL team. Thoughts?
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@Synchronicity: ugh. I'm disgusted!
Matt Lauer interviewed both of them. I'm interested in what Janay will say...
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@Synchronicity: I don't see any team signing him, he's just too big of a distraction. I know in the past, Dallas and Cincinnati have signed controversial players but I think Ray Rice is too controversial even for them.
This is an interesting read, it certainly makes me feel much more sympathetic to the situation.
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@Applesandbananas: that was a great read, thank you for posting!
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There's no excuse for his actions, but the fact of the matter is you can't punish a player twice for the same offense. He didn't withhold information from the nfl, they were aware of what happened when they decided on a two game suspension. You can hate the guy if you want but the nfl did not handle this situation properly the first time around, and that's not his fault.
Public opinion of him is so foul I'm sure he won't be hired any time soon.@applesandbananas thank you for posting that. It was a great read and I'm glad to finally get her perspective. I feel really terrible for her, mainly because nothing she says is going to make some people see her as anything but a weak, frightened victim.
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@Synchronicity: I don't think anyone will pick him up.
So if workplaces are just looking for felonies, they're not seeing most DV cases. 
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