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I actually agree with your DH when it comes to a relationship. He should be able to complain to you despite getting more sleep than you.

But I agree with you when it's an outside audience.

I am of the same stance as you, and DH is like your DH. We have had this discussion many times...actually mostly since LO came along and mostly about sleep/tiredness!

I agree with your DH that he should be able to complain to you and visa versa. But there is definitely a sensitivity that he should also be aware of in his partner as well! (given your two examples) My DH has def made comments along the same lines in the past. And while it isn't a big deal, it def is annoying to hear when I was in a worse situation! My mantra is definitely along the lines of your thinking!

DH and I have had this same disagreement before. I don't want him to feel like he can't complain, but when I'm trekking up and down the stairs night after night to feed our LO in the MOTN I have very little sympathy when he complains about being tired. He started qualifying his statements by saying stuff like, "Man, I'm tired. I can't even imagine how exhausted you must be." I think it helps to know your audience, especially when that audience is hormonal and sleep-deprived!

Couldn't help but laugh at this, my DH and I have had this very conversation more times than I care to admit. He sleeps 8 hours straight and then wakes up to tell me about how tired he is, while I have been up since 4am, after getting up twice before that.. It makes me want to kick him.

I get both sides 100% - but I voted that you were right because that also means *I* am right in my own argument ;p

@Mae: That's great...so glad to hear he's going to pitch in...it really makes the World of difference getting 8hrs sleep!

@LuLu Mom: Same answer!

@Mae: btw...I posted here about 8 months ago about a day when DH has the AUDACITY to text me from work one day. Our baby was up literally almost all night and I'd had about 3 hours of broke sleep and was so, so tired. He'd slept in the guest room and slept a full 7 hours.

His text?

"Man, I'm SO TIRED. My boss took us out to lunch today and bought us all drinks and now I feel like I'm going to pass out at my desk" (or something like that).

Me: RAGE.

It's funny now, but at the time? no, not funny.

LOL, this is a topic for us too! It drives me crazy! I'll be super sick, and he'll be complaining to me about the sniffles. Jerk. I mean, in theory he should be able to complain to me about those things...but it's totally about knowing your audience! If I look like I'm about to be starring on an episode of 'Snapped' - it's probably not the best time to mention you only got 7 hours of sleep instead of 8.

I agree with your DH, BUT I also agree with PP's that it needs to be done in the most sensitive of ways with (as @grizz: put it) asspats and appreciation!

I'm definitely with you in your line of thinking. It pisses me off so bad when DH sleeps all night and complains about being tired or he can nap all day and doesn't help me with caring for DS, including MOTN wake ups. hello!!! You can sleep during the day and I have to go to work- wake up and help!!!

I made a rule that DH wasn't allowed to say he was tired for the first little while!!

One night he was sick and slept in a different room and called in sick to work. So he slept 11 hours straight!! He came out of the room around 10am and said "I feel better after sleeping 11 hours!" I burst into tears! His sleep habits make me stabby in general though.

@Mae: DH used to work weird hours (2am till 2pm) so I did all the MOTN stuff, but is currently semi-/temporarily retired so he doesn't work. He's better about it helping sometimes, but if DS wakes up too many times, he wakes me up and it's all me.

@Alivoo01: aww hell no. Wake him up!!

I think you both have a right to complain. But he just needs to word it better like @lawbee11: DH's does (BTW, smart man).

R STTN 98% of the time, but I am still tired from solo parenting all week, and I am just not a good sleeper. So when DH complains he is tired when he has 3 nights to himself and even when home, doesn't have the monitor next to him, makes me batty.

I think in a relationship everyone should be able to complain. However, if he's like "can you do the dishes bc I'm so tired since I only got x hours of sleep last night?", yeah, then I'd be annoyed and have to bring up that I am also exhausted. If it's just general complaining, I think that's ok :).

I have this argument with my sister all the time. She's "more tired than me" because she worked a 12 hour hospital shift. I couldn't possibly be tired from being pregnant, peeing 4 times a night, getting up twice with my kid, who then refused to nap & went to bed late the next night.

I say it isn't a competition. Tired is tired, regardless of the amount of sleep you got, or how busy your day was.

BUT I would get really pissy with someone who said that to me post partum.

@Mae: I agree you need to know your audience. For example - this week I had someone come into my office and complain about work (including items involving me). Probably not the best idea to complain about me to me, unless we have a personal relationship (which we do not).